How many of us are attracted to Thailand because Thai culture is greatly influenced by such works as this:

How to be a good Thai Wife (Supasit Sorn Ying) written by Sunthorn Phu. This translation was written by Denis Segaller in his excellent "More Thai Ways" book

"If your husband loves you, don't be stubborn; honour him every day; do not
be wilful. When it gets dark, you should not stray away but light the lamp, go
and see to the bedroom, make and clean the bed, sweep away dust. And every night
when he retires to bed crouch at his feet and pay him homage. Never forget! If
he is stiff with aches and cramps, ease them with soothing massage. When you go
to sleep, be decorous; don't let your hands and feet stray over him while you
are asleep. If you sleep thus your goodness will shine forth.

"Don't go on sleeping till sun is high; you should get up before your
husband, and prepare water for him to wash his face. Then do the cooking and
prepare the tray of dishes to give a beautiful effect, along with the spittoon,
polished and shining. Make sure no dust is in the drinking water.

"And if you know he has to go somewhere but find that he has not yet woken
up, then gently get him up without delay to eat his food. Sit near him while he
eats, in case anything lacks; don't give him cause to shout for it. Pay careful
heed until he's finished eating. Then you yourself may eat. Don't eat before he
does; it is not seemly, and he won't like it.

"If your husband is in the Royal service and must go in and out the Royal
Palace, then you must prepare his carrying-case with betel and tobacco. Always
try to wait on him, serve him, as a friend would do. If you thus serve your
husband without fail, then you will prosper and rise in others' esteem. A
true-born lady always shows her nature; don't throw your good behaviour to the
winds. It is not good to be half-man, half-woman, and no one will admire you for
that.

"And if your husband should rise up in anger, you should abase yourself to
quench his wrath. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice and answer back. If
he is fire, you should be as water sprinkled on him. If both of you are aflame,
the fire will spread - anger which then can never be suppressed. Your private
conjugal feelings will escape, to become known to all the world outside. What
neighbours didn't know, thay now will know. So therefore, don't indulge in your
own wrath.

"Be pleasing to your husband; he will love you dearly. Never fail to do the
household chores. And if he should fall ill, do not disturb him but smile,
console, be pleasing as before; talk to him only when he's well again; tend to
his needs and pander to his mood. Whatever he doesn't like, you shouldn't do.
Guard your own counsel, don't show your feelings outside.

"All the bad things forbidden by your husband you should avoid; your manners
should be thus. Do not be stubborn and neglectful; speak only with
sweetness.

"But if you have a quarrel with your husband, don't spread tales of the
quarrel behind his back. Always suppress your own emotion and keep it to
yourself; don't let the quarrel linger on; banish its shadow. Then you will be
called one who uses her brains and knows how to conceal all evil things
.
"Do this, and those who know you will admire you and think you clever. And
your husband will be pleased."

Here is Sunthorn Pu:

ไม่เมาเหล้าเเล้วเเต่เรายังเมารัก สุดจะหักห้ามจิตคิดไฉน
ถึงเมาเหล้าเช้าสายก้หายไป เเต่เมาใจนี้ประจำทุกค่ำคืน
mai mao lao laeow\ dtae rao yang mao rak sud ja hak haam jit khit chanai
teung mao lao chao sai gor hai pai dtae mao jai nee bprajam tuk kham kheun
That's the romantic one, but how about this one for when things are bitter:
เเล้วสอนว่าอย่าไว้ใจมนุษย์ มันเเสนสุดลึกล้ำเหลือกำหนด
ถึงเถาวัลย์พันเกี่ยวที่เลี้ยวลด ก็ไม่คดเหมือนหนึ่งในน้ำใจคน
laeow son wa ya why jai manut man sairn sud leuk lam leua gamnot
teung taowan pan keow tee leow lod gor mai khod meuan neung nai jai khon
Don't trust people, their hearts are deep and fathomless,
The twisting,turning vine cannot compare to the deviousness of the heart of man.
The moderators should start a section for aspiring poets in the joke section, the mods could select a topic every week or two and then the winner could receive a Tshirt with his\her poem printed and TV's logo splashed across their chest. For instance this week's topic could be Songkran, May's could be rain or the upcoming toilet convention in Bangkok, whatever, there's always plenty of subjects in 'Amazing Thailand'.
bannork

'This Danish dame she likes the same comedians as me
We love each ohers company and more to some degree
My given name is Scampy and her name is Dear Marie
But when the phone inside her ribcage rings it's not for me.'

Merton

Can we have that wife's poem in Thai please. I have to show it to someone.

Sacampy’s Scandinavian succubus
Certainly stimulates his syllabus.
But Thomas says beware
These Danes sometimes don’t care
Causing pain akin to thrombus.

I have just made this up can someone complete the last line:

I came to Thailand to get dead rich,
All I got was a grabbing bitch,
Now I'm at home in she's in heaven,


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This post has been edited by alex100: 2005-04-29 19:00:31

For on her remit list, I'm number seven.

With only the girl from the 7 11

How the ###### did you know that - I only went to buy a mouldy sandwich.

Orbiting star Costner, first name Kevin.

I don't know about the rest of you, but this didn't go down too well in my household:

"What do you think it is, 2000 years ago?

"We're not slaves, you know...."

This post has been edited by mgnewman: 2005-04-29 21:22:39

Those limericks are callous and crude,

their morals are distressingly lewd,

they are not worth the reading ,

by persons of breeding;

they're designed for those vulgar and rude! ..

anybody know the thai for

"spitoon , polished and shining"

Sunthorn Phu also wrote advice for gentlemen, which has had an important influence on Thai culture.

Most of this translation has come from a book called "Essay on Thai Folklore"
by Phya Anuman Rajadhon.

How to be a Thai Gentleman by Sunthorn Phu

"Early in the morning, after getting out of bed, you must refrain from anger
and touchiness. Turning your face towards the East and South, you must pronounce
three times an incantation according to the Buddhist formula over the water for
washing your face. After washing your face with the water, the first word or
sentence to be uttered ought to be nice and good. It will increase and enhance
your noble dignity. For splendour which upholds a man's chacrateristic
properties resides in your face in the morning. During the day, the splendour
resides in your body. You must take a bath and sprinkle your body with scented
water. By observing this, you will be healthy and happy. During the evening, the
splendour resides at both feet. You must wash your feet. No woman's foot is
allowed to be placed over yours.

"When eating food, if you are facing East you will have power and long life.
If facing South, you will be beloved by everyone. If facing West you will be
happy and healthy, your sufferings, if any, will be decreased, you will have
honour and dignity. If facing North, you will meet with ill-luck; your life span
will be shortened year by year.

"While sitting, you must not look downward nor spit. Such an act will spoil
your dignity. Facing the North on such occasion is good and keeps you immune
from evil spirits and the dark arts. Then wash your face. It will become bright
and clear. Before going out, first take a bath and sprinkle your face and body
with scented water. Victory will be with you.

"You must not allow your wife to sleep upon your arm (as a pillow for her
head), and always wash yourself after sleeping. Fortune will smile, driving away
mishaps. Washing your nails on Monday and Wednesday prevents all accursed things
coming into contact.

"When going to war, the garments to be donned each day during the seven days
of the week are to be of seven colours;

Sunday, Red is auspicious
Monday, Light yellow is to have a long life
Tuesday, Purple is lucky
Wednesday, Yellow-red or glittering multi-coloured
Thursday, Yellow-green
Friday, Blueish-gray
Saturday, Black is a terror to the enemy.

"The colour of war steeds ought to be also identical with that of the
day.

"In taking a bath at a riverside or stream, you should face the direction of
the running water. The voiding of nature is prohibited. Do not face against the
running water for you may accidentally be the victim of the black arts. After a
bath, always pay respect to Ganga, the Water Goddess.
"The knowledge of magical arts is good, and incantations ought always to be
recited every evening. They will become potent and effective against enemies and
increase your dignity and power. When a dog continues to bark and howl, do not
say harsh words against it. For such a speech will spoil your word. Do not spit
while there is a wind. If the saliva falls on any animal, then the mantra or
mystic spell will become impotent.

"When meeting a monk and paying no customary respect due to him, your dignity
will be weakened. Do not abuse the sun, wind or rain. Do not hasten the day to
come to an end. Pay respect every daybreak and dusk to the sun and the moon.
When getting into bed do not fail to make obeisance on the pillow (with one's
hands in salutation) to one's parents and preceptors, extolling their graces and
virtues.

"If, when wearing a phanung or loin-cloth after twisting its two ends
together in front, one end is tucked finally on the right side, you will be free
from harm of the teeth and claws of crocodiles and other ferocious animals. Do
not pass under a bridge across a creek or canal, a trellis supporting climbing
plants, a wooden prop of a house, or a fence of animal enclosure. Whoever passes
under such things will lose his splendour and dignity and his mantra and magical
incantations will become impotent, defeating their own ends.

"When seeing a corpse while going out, do not make a remark. It is very
unlucky to do so. You must wash your face as a counter act. Do not sleep with
your charms and amulets. They will be impaired of their magical properties. Do
not step over weapons. Do not lie on the left side of a woman, for harm will
come to you. On New Year's Day, Sat Day (Mid-Year Feast), a day when there is an
eclipse either of the sun or the moon, the lenten full moon day, and your own
birthday, sexual intercourse is prohibited. For your age will be shortened. To
sleep with a woman during her menstruation, if you do not die, you will lose
your eyesight and have a boil full of pus. On your birthday, do not kill any
animal. Your life will be shortened and you will lose your glory and dignity.
You will also suffer from sickness and pain.

"While sleeping, if your inspiration and expiration flow easily in and out of
both nostrils, do not put your left foot over the right one. If the air flows
freely in the right nostril only, the right foot must be placed on the left one.
It is very auspicious to observe the rule. While walking, sleeping or sitting,
if a crashing or creaking sound is heard, it is prohibited to make a remark. The
noise may be produced by magical art or evil spirits which can harm one if one
makes a remark."

Although much of this is not so relevant today, the older generation still believe in its value.

Sunthorn Phu was a habitual drunkard and a womaniser. So much so that he was booted out of the Royal Court sporadically.

As drunks do when forced away from their loved ones he became morose and bitter hence his gloomy nostalgic yet linguistically stunning poetry.

Sounds like an average bloke to me..............

...and therefore no better choice as TV's Poet Laureate.

We may be drunk,
But we are also honey-drunk with love.
I cannot resist my heart.
And though we are drunk,
Tomorrow the sun will shine,
And that drunkenness will have passed.
But when night falls, love's honeyed drunkenness will return.

This post has been edited by Thomas_Merton: 2005-04-30 18:45:34

OK, seeing as my own poetry has been rejected I second the motion!