Posted 2007-11-15 17:41:51
 ThaiPauly, on 2007-11-15 17:13:15, said:
There are some excellent posts here.
As a result (I'm sure) of posting here yesterday I did not have a drink last night.
I don't think I am gonna have a drink today either...but its too early to tell...but its my aim not to.
Then tomorrow is another day and...you never know ?
Sometimes you can start stopping without realising it
Definitely the best post on here today.
Well done mate.
I remember what a victory one day without alcohol was and at the end of the day it is all any of us have.
I agree with the AA folk who say that if you haven't drank today you are a winner.
Posted 2007-11-15 17:50:54
Yes ThaiPauly that is great news i would love to read a thread from you in say a month saying that you still hav,nt had a drink.Good luck pal!!!!
Posted 2007-11-15 18:27:43
Good luck Pauly, and to all as well... and yes, please post back after a month. Hoping too, to read that you havent had a drink. 
Posted 2007-11-15 19:56:40
You're going in the right direction, Pauly. One of the biggest mistakes people make is telling themselves they will never drink for the rest of their lives. That's an overwheling undertaking for anyone.
One day at a time is much easier to handle. You're very fortunate because at any time night or day you can open this forum and read and reread our words of support and encouragement.
Posted 2007-11-15 20:14:53
Wise words b fuddled.When i stopped drinking it was because we had a child on the way and i did,nt want her to have a drunk as a father and also there were new financial considerations.I never however have told myself that i shall NEVER drink again as when my daughter has flown the nest i will start again however i think ive been telling myself this too much lately and hence the reason im questioniong if i could/should start drinking again.
Posted 2007-11-15 22:43:36
Thanks for the wise words and support guys.
I nearly DIDN'T make it tonight...but I DID, and now I am going to bed.
I am going on holiday in a few days.......just gonna have to take it a day at a time right?
I can't remember this happening before but I just had this nausea come over me at sundown, it was like I really needed a fix and i did not know where to turn or what to do......it was awful..I knew that JUST ONE drink would fix it...but then it would not have ben one drink. When my Wife came back from the Gym I said we should go out to eat ...err I meant drink really...but She did not fall for it and made me a "nice cup of tea". I am very lucky she does not drink, and very lucky to have her.
I hope I don't feel this way tomorrow. I have absolutley NO energy, I must have fallen asleep twice during the day for an hour or so and then feel like shit when I awake.
Anyway tomorrow will be another day which will bing a new set of challenges
Edited by ThaiPauly, 2007-11-15 22:52:40.
Posted 2007-11-15 23:44:06
Kudos to you all who have successfully refrained from drinking and already talking anniversaries etc. Some inspiring stories on here.
Just to add my two cents worth, I find it is far easier NOT to drink in Thailand than it was when I am in the UK.
For me, there was and still is SO much peer pressure TO drink when I return to the UK and meet up with friends or go round to friends for dinner. It seems to become a talking point:-
Friends - "Really you don't drink?"
Me - "No, I don't" (said in a firm voice), "I'll have a cranberry juice/soda with lime etc, etc" (all said with a smile as I try to change the topic....)
But it's like a dog with a bone....
Friends -"Why don't you drink?" PAUSE, "Oh, is it because your partner is Muslim?" (said in almost a whisper....)
(Recognition dawns on their face as they WRONGLY believe I am under the thumb)..
Me - "Nooooo, It's nothing to do with him, I just don't drink, I haven't drank now for almost 4 years"
Friends gasp and exclaim in astonishment - "4 years - WOW"
In the next breath, "Oh go on, just have a cocktail/mojito/glass of wine etc, we only see you once in a blue moon."
I can say no until I am blue in the face.... I swear sometimes it would be easier to have a bl**dy drink! 
And, if I start to say actually the reason I don't drink is because I don't like myself when I drink, once I start I find it difficult to stop and I'm worried that I'll become like my father (who has struggled all his life with drink). People don't always understand.
Whereas here in LOS, I find the attitude is far more refreshing, very rarely does anybody question me and because my partner also doesn't drink, it makes it easier for me as we do not frequent the bar/pub scene very often.
To be honest, I absolutely love that my partner has also chosen not to drink (albeit for different reasons) and I totally respect his choice.
Sorry, I have wandered... Best of luck to all and I think this is a great support forum to help each other through the "bad" days.
Posted 2007-11-16 00:06:09
I sometimes wonder at what point in the future I will be posting here regularly. Good to know there is a wealth of knowledge, experience, understanding, support and good advice here. I might need it one day.
Best wishes to all those who have started on their journeys already.
Posted 2007-11-16 06:08:07
Andiamo, on 2007-11-15 23:44:06, said: Kudos to you all who have successfully refrained from drinking and already talking anniversaries etc. Some inspiring stories on here.
Just to add my two cents worth, I find it is far easier NOT to drink in Thailand than it was when I am in the UK.
For me, there was and still is SO much peer pressure TO drink when I return to the UK and meet up with friends or go round to friends for dinner. It seems to become a talking point:-
Friends - "Really you don't drink?"
Me - "No, I don't" (said in a firm voice), "I'll have a cranberry juice/soda with lime etc, etc" (all said with a smile as I try to change the topic....)
But it's like a dog with a bone....
Friends -"Why don't you drink?" PAUSE, "Oh, is it because your partner is Muslim?" (said in almost a whisper....)
(Recognition dawns on their face as they WRONGLY believe I am under the thumb)..
Me - "Nooooo, It's nothing to do with him, I just don't drink, I haven't drank now for almost 4 years"
Friends gasp and exclaim in astonishment - "4 years - WOW"
In the next breath, "Oh go on, just have a cocktail/mojito/glass of wine etc, we only see you once in a blue moon."
I can say no until I am blue in the face.... I swear sometimes it would be easier to have a bl**dy drink!
And, if I start to say actually the reason I don't drink is because I don't like myself when I drink, once I start I find it difficult to stop and I'm worried that I'll become like my father (who has struggled all his life with drink). People don't always understand.
Whereas here in LOS, I find the attitude is far more refreshing, very rarely does anybody question me and because my partner also doesn't drink, it makes it easier for me as we do not frequent the bar/pub scene very often.
To be honest, I absolutely love that my partner has also chosen not to drink (albeit for different reasons) and I totally respect his choice.
Sorry, I have wandered... Best of luck to all and I think this is a great support forum to help each other through the "bad" days.
No no...you have not wandered. Its a good post with relevant points.
It's as if people don't trust people who dont drink ! Lke you if I am gonna take this whole thing seriously this time I have to stay away from alcoholic places.
We have recently offloaded our restaurant and one of the reasons I wanted to get rid of it was that all the cusomers were drinking..so I had to join in.
Now we dont have it I would STILL find any excuse to drink.
Still today will be another beautiful day in LOS and I have to TRY to get through it without a drink.
If anyone is familiar with "The Big Book" there is a story in there about me...there is one about every drunk...I'm the guy who started his business, and vowed not to drink while he built it up...then he sold out, made his packet and died a wealthy alcoholic five years later.
The richest man in the graveyard. 
Posted 2007-11-16 06:29:45
I am a very heavy drinker. I tend to go on a three day bender but feel so bad I stop drinking for a week or up to a month.
I do not think I am an alcoholic because I can and do stop regularly.
I have had several alcoholic friends who swear by AA and I believe it to be a great organisation that has helped and saved the lives of so many people.
I intend to stop drinking for six months in the new year which I have heard renews most of the liver's degeneration due to alcohol
Posted 2007-11-16 07:56:50
thaipete, on 2007-11-16 06:29:45, said: I am a very heavy drinker. I tend to go on a three day bender but feel so bad I stop drinking for a week or up to a month.
I do not think I am an alcoholic because I can and do stop regularly.
I have had several alcoholic friends who swear by AA and I believe it to be a great organisation that has helped and saved the lives of so many people.
I intend to stop drinking for six months in the new year which I have heard renews most of the liver's degeneration due to alcohol
Hi Thaipete, good luck to you with your intended quit.
I found that the only time that I could stop was today.
I would plan to quit on such and such a date but the day would pass and I would still be drinking.
This could be just me though.
You don't have to be an alcoholic to want to stop drinking, but if you think it is a bit of a problem then probably best to stop.
I wish you all the best,
Paul
Posted 2007-11-26 04:09:04
I have got a pal who is always going to stop drinking, after next weekend , after next holiday.
Being around him helps me moderate my drinking as i dont want to end up like him, he an addict who wont accept he has a problem. I feel sorry for him and am not sure if its a mental issue.
Going out late at night and seeing the state of some people is a good thing to do as you wont have the desire them. City centres in UK are like warzones with people falling about.
Thanks for all the posts real honesty and some very good ways to deal with a tough sitation
Posted 2007-11-26 04:19:47
Thanks everybody for your inspirational posts. I am a compulsive eater and used to regularly attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings (currently a bit of a backslider). The program is pretty much exactly the same as AA.
I don't know what else to say, I have a constant struggle with it.
Guess I am off topic too but reading this was great.
Posted 2007-11-26 05:01:10
zzdocxx, on 2007-11-26 04:19:47, said: Thanks everybody for your inspirational posts. I am a compulsive eater and used to regularly attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings (currently a bit of a backslider). The program is pretty much exactly the same as AA.
I don't know what else to say, I have a constant struggle with it.
Guess I am off topic too but reading this was great.
You are not off topic at all
Posted 2008-02-26 00:01:16
I too appreciate all your inspirational posts, wise, constructive and non-sectarian thank you all for that. 
Particularly the advice not to fall into the 'I can start drinking moderately again'-trap was extremely helpful for me. After being dry for 1 1/2 years now, I was just one step away from starting again (just a glass of wine with a good meal I thought). Since my obsession before was with whiskey/rum, I believed I could give it a try. Guess I'll postpone that indefinitely now, and will try to find less harmful fluids.  
In case people are still following this thread, I have a question:
I am very very much afraid that when something really bad happens in my life (e.g. bad sickness/accident of me or my girlfriend or other family members) I will start drinking again very soon. Any advice on how to deal with that (or prepare for it)? FYI I stopped on my own and don't follow any program.
Thank you all again, you might have prolonged my life considerably!
Posted 2008-02-26 06:13:55
Hi Longtom.
Good to hear that you have kept your resolve.
What if something bad happens?
I know what you are getting at here. In the past I called it my 'f**k it button'. When something bad happens it is easy to think 'what is the point?'. I suppose the thing to remember is that drinking again makes things so much worse. For example, I remember in the past hijacking relatives' funerals turning them into drunken self-pitying festivals. I was no use to anybody and these memories fill me with shame.
Bad things in life happen to me if I'm drunk or sober. The difference is that when I was drunk it was one bad thing after another. I strongly believe that not drinking automatically improves my life and continues to do so while I remain stopped. I believe that it's getting better all the time in the same way that my drinking was a downward spiral. I would have good days drinking but the general trend was downwards. I think the same happens with recovery.
When I was drinking I couldn't always see the downward spiral because it happened slowly. It was only when looking back over a long period that it was obvious. The same is true now. I might not see my life getting better, but when I think back to where I came from it is obvious.
If something bad happens in life I tell myself that it is only temporary. Nothing is forever and 'the tide always comes back'. I also remind myself that drinking only sounds like a good idea at the time. Even during the worst of my drinking I never looked back and thought, 'I wish that I was drunk yesterday'.
It is important for me to remember exactly what my drinking life was about. It is easy to fall in the trap of romanticizing it or downplaying it.
Anyway, best of luck to you.
Paul
Edited by garro, 2008-02-26 06:15:44.
Posted 2008-02-28 22:39:35
Thank you Garro/Paul, and I seriously hope in times of distress I'll be able to heed your advice and see the impermanence of suffering and not think 'my situation is so bad I don't give a f%$k whether I start drinking again'. Of course I feel very ashamed about my past behaviour in many (actually most) situations, but I fear these memories will fade after a specifically negative event. Guess I have to start meditating again to avoid that.
Forgive my bumpy english - cheers
Longtom
Posted 2008-03-28 12:31:09
I have been sober for almost 14 years and my life is much better. I go to AA. It is what works for me. If I was still drinking, I would never be making trips to Thailand and be considering retiring there. One thing about AA, you need to go to several meetings before making a judgment about if it's for you or not. For all those trying to stop drinking, I wish you the best. It was the the best thing I have ever done in my life.
Posted 2008-08-12 21:11:54
Well,
Im afraid to say i well and truly fuc_ked up!!!I started drinking again in January once i arrived in Vietnam.It was a conscious decission and i thought i could handle it.Well,believe me,i deluded myself into thinking that i could for 4 months,but in reality i lost control off my drinking from my very first drink.The speed of which i spirralled out of control was alarming.Sure,i had a good time for a while but then the problems i had when i drunk all started to rear their ugly heads.Instead of living for my family i was once again living for alcohol.This obviously caused many problems and my wife nearly left me.I am now back home again since July but because of my drinking(i think)i am in a very depressed and anxious state.I have stopped again and have been sober for 6 weeks but am finding it difficult.I deeply regret starting again infact i would go as far as saying it probably was the biggest mistake of my life thus far.So tp conclude if anyone who has been dry for a period pf time and think they can handle it again i would advise you no to tread that path,Alcohol for many is the road to ruination.
Posted 2008-08-12 21:47:41
It has been 4 months (by date, since 11 April), or 17 weeks, 4 days (counting days) since I had alcohol.
When I stopped, I did not tell myself or anyone else that it was for a week, a month, a year, or forever. I just told myself it was time to take a break, after dodging a bullet the size of a Mack truck, and being a moderate to heavy drinker for 30 years.
I do not find myself thinking about alcohol much. I can be around people who are drinking with no problem. My wife has a drink now and then, there is alcohol in the house. It does not bother me.
Could I take a drink now and not have a problem? I honestly do not know...perhaps.
But I like being able to tell myself that 1 have been "without" for however long...I do not want to reset the counter back to zero.
I ginned up a quick-n-dirty Excel sheet that looks like so:
Today's Date
Tuesday 12 August 2008............(from system clock)
Start Date
Friday 11 April 2008...................hardcoded
Time Elapsed
123 days...................................formula calculates the difference between the dates
17 weeks 4 days.......................same as above, but breaks out the number of weeks
When my computer is running, this sheet is open.
Is this a gimmick? Maybe so, but it works for me.
I am sure that a person could find any number of Windows apps that would show something like this on the desktop.
I am not one for meetings, but I am not going to belittle anyone else...hey, whatever works for *you*. After all, nobody can fix this for us, it is up to each individual. Yes, others can help, but ultimately we have to do it for ourselves.
Good luck...that is about the most inspiration that I can muster.
Edit: my start dates did not match...11 April is the last drink date
Edited by mgjackson69, 2008-08-12 21:49:46.
Posted 2008-08-12 22:08:08
I have read all the posts with great interest and i wish the ones that want to give up drinking all the best for the future.
I would like to ask one question though what are/were you guys drinking. I have never met a beer alcoholic but i have met many people that have a problem with spirits. I tend to think of drinking beer as a social event that may become habitual as its obviously good fun. I tend to think that people that drink strong spirits will have a greater problem especially if they drink alone.
Cheers, Rick.
Posted 2008-08-12 22:15:00
Good Iuck to aII in their own personaI journeys in this (sorry if that sounds cIiched!).
As for me, im gIad to say that i dont feeI the same urges I did when i wrote this thread. In the end i didnt go to AA (i found the one time that i went aIong too intimidating for me and sat and Iistened rather than participated. Even had one guy aggressively questioning the vaIidy of who was reaI drunks or not, and who reaIIy shouId be there, which i thought was pretty fuII on. Guess he just wanted to go off on a rant? But not sure why. I guess other AA's probabIy wouId have been different, but Im pretty quiet and i found it just wasnt for me).
Im not sure when I stopped craving, because i can honestIy say i dont crave a drink anymore, at Ieast at this time and for many months. I guess it was probabIy when i was abIe to come to terms emotionaIIy with some "issues" i had. Once i worked through those, step by step, and not easiIy, i reaIised i didnt reaIIy need a 'crutch' in the form of aIcohoI.
Iongtom, i too worried how i wouId handIe a distressing time, but i reaIise now that i can work through my probIems by rationaI thought (aIthough im not sure of course 100% how strong i wiII be in the face of something big that might happen, but i have faith in my strength now). AIso, as corny as it sounds, I find that meditation has heIped me aIso. I face my probIems with some rationaI thought, working through them as best i can, and then, when i want peace from thinking too much and want to Iet it go, i do awareness meditation techniques. Im not suggesting it is a soIution or offering it as one, but it has worked for me, at Ieast so far so good.
Posted 2008-08-12 22:18:03
bangkokrick, on 2008-08-12 22:08:08, said: I would like to ask one question though what are/were you guys drinking.
Vodka mainIy.
Posted 2008-08-12 22:29:08
totlanh, on 2008-08-12 21:11:54, said: Well,
Im afraid to say i well and truly fuc_ked up!!!I started drinking again in January once i arrived in Vietnam.It was a conscious decission and i thought i could handle it.Well,believe me,i deluded myself into thinking that i could for 4 months,but in reality i lost control off my drinking from my very first drink.The speed of which i spirralled out of control was alarming.Sure,i had a good time for a while but then the problems i had when i drunk all started to rear their ugly heads.Instead of living for my family i was once again living for alcohol.This obviously caused many problems and my wife nearly left me.I am now back home again since July but because of my drinking(i think)i am in a very depressed and anxious state.I have stopped again and have been sober for 6 weeks but am finding it difficult.I deeply regret starting again infact i would go as far as saying it probably was the biggest mistake of my life thus far.So tp conclude if anyone who has been dry for a period pf time and think they can handle it again i would advise you no to tread that path,Alcohol for many is the road to ruination.
totIanh, dont berate yourseIf over it, and thank you for the words of caution. Instead congratulate yourseIf in recognising the probIem and that you have now been 6 weeks sober. I dont mean this to sound Iike a Iame pep-taIk, I am geniuneIy gIad for you that you are back on track. Best of Iuck and hope you start feeIing emotionaIIy better soon.
Posted 2008-08-12 22:32:28
eek, on 2008-08-12 22:18:03, said: bangkokrick, on 2008-08-12 22:08:08, said: I would like to ask one question though what are/were you guys drinking.
Vodka mainIy.
Thanks for the answer Eek and good luck with your quest. I will stick with the beer from now on.
Cheers, Rick
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