Jump to content
68 replies to this topic
Posted 2008-11-24 05:15:15
First of all im new to this forum
The reasen why i am here is because i have several questions about Thai guys and asian guys in general.
I'm a young white woman from the netherlands and i recently got involved with a thai guy who's been living in europe for several years too.
I really love asian guys! and i'm also only attracted to asian guys..
But i find it really hard to connect with asian men in general.. I met a few people online to talk to, but it seems like they always have an exuse for not being there, busy, etc and they brake contact easely and are not expressive. For some reasen if you are expressive, they back off...
My thai boyfriend seemed different,
in the beginning he would call me non stop and talk to me online
but after we met in real life he doesnt call me that often anymore and he claims to be very busy seeking a new job etc..
Still he says, nothing is whrong ...
Is there something i should know about asian/ thai guys?
I'm not saying he is bad, and maybe nothing is whrong but it just seems odd to me that they would contact you first and after a while it seems like they get bored of you or something..
Anyone can give me tips or idea's what to do to make a Thai man happy or what they are really like?
Posted 2008-11-24 07:52:02
That's a rather strange statement. I've heard of people preferring a certain race in partners but excluding all races bar one is a first for me.
Posted 2008-11-24 09:03:14
Ok I probably shouldn't be here, but I saw the topic. From obsevation in Ranong. Thai young men don't do commitment, if they go out on a date it's usually with other friends. The females go organise the food, and if no table service is a vailable, pur the drinks etc. I may be wrong, but you have been warned.
Posted 2008-11-24 09:11:38
mmmm..... I beg to differ Mosha. Some Thai men don't do commitment
As for the distance thing, well, it could be that he's not that into you, or could be that he really is busy and doesn't have time.
Women tend to overthink things, try to take it at face value. If this were a friend of yours what would your advice be?
Posted 2008-11-24 10:30:57
I've dated a lot of Asian guys, and each one has been different from the next. I'm not "only" attracted to Asian men, I just happen to live in Asia and like men.
Be careful of applying generalizations about "what Asian men are like" from one guy you meet to the next. That has caused me to do a lot of stupid things and not see the particular individual I was involved with clearly.
Also be careful of making excuses for a guy based on his culture.
My advice is this: if he seems to be giving you space, take it and run. You don't have to sleep around, but for chrissakes, don't act married if you're not. Let a few guys take you out, a variety of them, and find out for yourself what Thai men are like.
Posted 2008-11-24 10:41:46
That's a rather strange statement. I've heard of people preferring a certain race in partners but excluding all races bar one is a first for me.
I can understand it. One of my best friends, a nice boy of Polish decent, has an 'asian fetish', and pretty much only goes out with Asian girls exclusively (though he refuses to admit it). Some girls like black men, some girls like long hair, some girls like mustaches...to each their own, and it's all good.
To the OP,
I would not necessarily worry about it. It could be more of a 'guy/man' thing than a 'Thai/Asian' thing. The reality is that men do not think the same as women. Films such as "Steel Magnolias" and "The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants" are not films most men would want to see. Men also don't like to talk on the phone. From my observations, women can jabber on and on over the phone with their girlfriends over stuff that really has no point. How often do you see a male doing that? Observe a man on the phone sometime. It could be his best friend that he has known for 30 years, but the conversations are short and to the point. This is an example of the conversation I had with one of my close friends today:
"Friend: Hey, how are you. Me: Fine. Friend: How's your bike (my motorcycle is being repaired) going? Me: Fine. Waiting for some parts to arrive in the mail. Should be done this week. Friend: Cool. I'm going to the (car) auction next Tuesday. You want to come? Me: Yeah, probably. Give me a call on Monday, and I'll let you know. Friend: Cool. I'll talk to you then. Bye."
Do you really ever see a man talking for hours on end over the phone? Really. If I knew one of my friends was talking to his girl for hours on end, well I would ridicule him without mercy.
The fact that he is busy may not actually mean anything. He could just really be busy. Like I'm sort of dealing with the same thing. If she asks why I don't like to talk on the phone, my response would be "I'm busy", and it would actually be the truth. When you first meet someone, there is that "newness" to the relationship. Like when you get a new toy on Christmas. After a while the novelty and newness wears off. Doesn't necessarily mean your tired of the person or the relationship, but all the basic information has already been covered.
For specific example, he probably knows all of your stuff already. Who your friends are, what problems you have at work, what your relatives are up to, people you like and don't like, and what your day is normally like. At the beginning of a relationship, all that is great. It's wonderful conversation fodder. After a couple long conversations, meetings, whatever, you already know everything. And then you have to rehash it. And if you want long conversations, the same questions are going to be asked over and over again. It gets kind of boring. A man's mindset is why talk about it, and ask the same questions? Let's meet up, go out, and do something. It's something new and interesting.
I'd rather do that than listen to how much your sister is being a bitch to you and what she did to you now and how your mom always takes her side over you. Yeah, I have this conversation alot. And if it is a choice between having a long conversation about stuff I already know (or don't really care that much about), or getting the things I need to get done/work accomplished, I would do the work. Doesn't mean I don't like you, or don't want to be with you. But business does need to be taken care of.
So just because he doesn't want to do those long, deep, intricate conversations that he did in the beginning, doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you.
But on the other hand, you did mention that you talked on the phone and on the computer until you met. The other possibility is that when he met you, maybe he dig you that much and doesn't have the heart to tell you. I really don't know what the reason is to be honest with you. Even if he still wants you, he may just not want to jabber on the phone. Try asking to go out and meet in person. Maybe he's more up for that. If he doesn't want to see you, maybe he's just not that interested in you.
Posted 2008-11-24 15:36:20
Ok from an Asian male (born and bred in Canada, but still Asian).
1) Most Asian males are mama's boys. Thats right, Mama's boys that are still holding on to their mommy's skirt even into adult hood.
2) Most Asian men are taught to control their emotions. To be in control of their emotions and behaviour. To show nothing, show no weakness, the enigmatic Asian gentlemen. (wife sometimes tells me I am about as sensitive as rock).
3) 'cos of 1 and 2, Asian men are not capable/comfortable when it comes time to discuss feelings. So when something (relationship) moves too fast Asian men tend to backdown/slowdown (as the mama's boys they are).
He's lying to you and already have a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend or is in reality a balding, overweight guy trying to get his jollies online and on the phone.
As to 1-3 I can say it 'cos Im Asian, heheh if you say it you're Racist......umm unless you're Asian too.
Posted 2008-11-24 15:40:32
Well, I'd go for 2 and 3 but not sure I believe in number 1. But then, perhaps it depends on the mama cause that description sure doesn't fit my MIL-- she cut the apron strings when they were about 6
Posted 2008-11-24 16:41:43
***Dutch language removed--per forum rules--english only--sbk***
- short english version -
Dont generalise too much.
Posted 2008-11-24 16:44:39
Hi Joost, please post only in English thanks, per forum rules.
Posted 2008-11-24 17:03:28
I have a thai friend who loves talking on the phone, sometimes hard to get a word in edgeways but I think that's because he really likes speaking English and it's good practice for him. He's quite expressive too with his feelings but at the same time he laughs a lot, often when it's something I would consider serious
It might sound harsh but I think it's possible that the novelty wore off when you met and like submaniac said he might just not have the heart to tell you.
I think if he's acting not interested, do the same and don't contact him and just see what happens. If he still likes you he will be back in touch, probably wanting to know why you haven't!
Edited by popmybubble, 2008-11-24 17:05:07.
Posted 2008-11-24 17:07:36
Find another Asian guy white girl, this one seem to be a bit of a dud. Good luck happy hunting.
Posted 2008-11-24 18:40:41
Thanks for the reply's!
Each reply is very usefull
I'm sorry if this may sound ackward or weird and i can understand why it might sound weird to you but white guys or other races just dont do it for me.
I used to go out with people my race but i was simply not attracted to them physically
Everyone has their own taste.
I am not saying i can't fall in love outside the asian race, everyone is a human being and should be respected for who they are , i should never say never but without being stereotypical, i am talking in general now, i like the features of asian guys
They tend to have a nicer build, not so masculine, if they are masculine it just looks good on them without looking too wide/broad , hmm, exuse my english, i dont have the right word for it i think.
Asians have a very beautiful face, that tend to look soft...
They are just my type, ok?
and because of that reasen , i only look for asian guys.
I reconise this typical behaviour, laughing even if it is not that serious.
Maybe its a way to express things? Or maybe not to express things and to ease the moment by laughing and smiling?
Not sure about this one...
I'll try to follow up the advice people wrote here
One remark i want to make
If i wasnt serious about this relationship, i wouldnt be here
So its easy to say run away or walk away from him and look for someone else
But i am very serious about every individual i meet and i want to
make the best of it.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Edited by Lotusflowergirl, 2008-11-24 18:43:32.
Posted 2008-11-24 21:50:50
Why on earth would you write you are a young white girl from wherever, strange comment. Anyhow maybe this guy doesn't like you as much as it first appeared, maybe your just not getting the message.
You cannot categorize Thai men, or any man for that matter, each man is different ( as is each woman )
and how can you say you only like a certain nationality, it sounds like you are immature and naive.
Posted 2008-11-25 00:21:58
First of all, i was just saying who i was, a bit of information about myself. so people would know who they are speaking to
and second im not naive and immature for being interested in a race or culture.
You should not judge that easy.
Posted 2008-11-25 09:04:33
Victrola and Lioness are absolutely correct, men, of whatever nationality are human beings with there own personalities. One cannot generalise at all. All men, and women, have there own personalities regargless of race or culture
Posted 2008-11-25 20:30:06
Sometimes the images we portray (both verbally or graphically) online are very different to the one we see on our first meeting. I have had that happen myself! Which is why is only meet for drinks, not dinner.
Maybe you should do an assessment of the situation, discuss how you feel with the friend, then decide if your going to continue, or start online shopping again!
Posted 2008-11-25 20:36:55
dont realy understand too much of what you are saying.you say you only like asian men,do you mean pakistani,indian,chinese,pp,cambodians,vietnam.You are european and you have problems with asians,darling we all do.its a cultural thing and it takes a long time for a couple to understand each other.do you chat with all types of asian guys becaus ethe culture will be totaly different.maybe a troll.
Posted 2008-11-26 04:25:56
I am afraid that I have just as much of a problem with people saying they "only" fancy Asian guys as when I hear white people saying they "only" fancy white people. I find it racist and also a little ignorant. What about what's inside? You cannot base a relationship purely on looks can you? Sure everyone has a type, but who can say they religiously stick to it? Wouldn't you think it was funny if your friend said she only dated people with red hair, or green eyes? I know that not everyone agrees with me, but this kind of phrase has always made me uncomfortable...
Edited by mssabai, 2008-11-26 04:42:08.
Posted 2008-11-26 04:38:15
Sorry to be very precise here, I may sound a little bit cold but.. I noticed 2 things.. One is that "I like only asian guys" you are putting to your self some barrier to meet the special one in your life. Second "we since we meet in real life he haven't call me much anymore"...Ummm sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying this, but take the hint, he didn't like you! Nothing wrong with Thai guys in that sense I have friends with Thai boyfriend and they are commited and happy with them, so he just didn't like you, if so... he is not good enough for you.
Posted 2008-11-26 04:55:59
How about instead of trying to let us tell you everything we know about That men (an impossible task for anyobody!) why don't you put some effort into meeting people (Asian or otherwise) outside of the net. You then will maybe get a better gauge if you like each other straight off rather than putting so much effort into talking online but then not appreciating each other so much in person (which I agree with Pop_corn on, he probably just isn't interested in moving further with the relationship - one thing I would say about Thai men is that many, at the start of relationships especially, are very obvious about their intentions and often surprise girls who are more used to western men's reticence).
Posted 2008-11-26 05:03:37
Sorry, but I always find that men and women who are attracted to people on the basis of race to be a bit shallow.
Posted 2008-11-26 07:49:28
Right. So you like guys who look like girls.
Where's Golf and Mike when you need them?
Posted 2008-11-26 08:49:58
here here Garro. couldnt agree more with you on that one.
Sponsored by ...