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[bahtnbaht]

DJ Pat, on 2005-02-03 01:38:35, said:

I can give you a copy of my Thai wedding video to watch...that'll soon put you off...


Oh yeah as Dave says spend time with her, she may have nasty habits and dare I say it, other guys on the firm.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Great advice.

[Doctor John]

srisatch, on 2005-02-07 19:41:21, said:

you now just let slip the bit about alcoholic relatives...this is a common problem.with Issan poor...but should not be so with teachers........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So then why are so many farang English teachers Alcoholics?    

[chuchok]

Doctor John, on 2005-02-13 18:38:43, said:

srisatch, on 2005-02-07 19:41:21, said:

you now just let slip the bit about alcoholic relatives...this is a common problem.with Issan poor...but should not be so with teachers........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So then why are so many farang English teachers Alcoholics?    

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

bet you there are more alcoholic Issan people than Alcoholic farang teachers

[devildog683]

chuchok, on 2005-02-13 21:03:59, said:

Doctor John, on 2005-02-13 18:38:43, said:

srisatch, on 2005-02-07 19:41:21, said:

you now just let slip the bit about alcoholic relatives...this is a common problem.with Issan poor...but should not be so with teachers........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So then why are so many farang English teachers Alcoholics?    

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

bet you there are more alcoholic Issan people than Alcoholic farang teachers

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i can vouch for this......when i was in my wifes village in Isaan, it seemed that many of their lives revolved around it..... alot of the family problems were caused by this too

Edited by devildog683, 2005-02-14 06:53:25.

[Doctor John]

devildog683, on 2005-02-14 06:53:02, said:

chuchok, on 2005-02-13 21:03:59, said:

Doctor John, on 2005-02-13 18:38:43, said:

srisatch, on 2005-02-07 19:41:21, said:

you now just let slip the bit about alcoholic relatives...this is a common problem.with Issan poor...but should not be so with teachers........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So then why are so many farang English teachers Alcoholics?    

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

bet you there are more alcoholic Issan people than Alcoholic farang teachers

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i can vouch for this......when i was in my wifes village in Isaan, it seemed that many of their lives revolved around it..... alot of the family problems were caused by this too

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that statement covers 90% of the world, not just Isaan

[Doctor John]

"In the EU, divorce has risen from 11 per cent of marriages in 1970 to 30 per cent in 1995; marriages have fallen from eight per 1,000 inhabitants in the 1970s to 5.1 per 1,000 in 1995... Across the Union, therefore, hundreds of thousands of children now experience parental divorce. In the UK, it is estimated that around 40 per cent of the present generation of children will experience parental divorce or separation before they are 18."

The bulk of the report is concerned with family problems caused by alcohol. It makes the vital point that problematic drinkers can bring suffering not only to themselves but also to everyone around them: spouses, children, parents, and other family members.

[srisatch]

OxfordWill, on 2005-02-13 07:01:51, said:

Hi Virgil, I approve of the choice of forum name!

Forgive me but I have not fully read all other replies. In skimming the majority, I did not notice anyone play the part (often obligatory) of 'bastard cynic'. Seems it might be my turn ( I am usually more positive..)

You could possibly be about to make the biggest mistake of your life. Note the 'possibly', in that the probability it not 1.  Infact, it's more probable that the probability of your relationship to Ae being less than 'honest' on her part is fairly low. That said, better and wiser men than you and I have had serious problems from 'relationships' that have begun in exactly the way you describe yours.

Now, I know very little details. You have said some but not alot, and there is much you could not easily communicate in this forum setting. I want to highlight some bits of what you have mentioned that, to the 'bastard cynic', might be interpreted as warning signs that this girl and her family, or just the family, or just the girl, are in some way just possibly taking advantage of you / her main interest may be financial and not heartfelt.

1) You met her on the internet.

2) She is considerably younger than you and has chosen to have reltionships with someone nearer her age (indicating she is not averse to her age group).

3) She has no assets and her parents paid her way through uni. The liklihood that she wants to pay them back sooner rather than later is very high.

4) You have only spent six weeks with the family yet they are very keen for marriage. In Thailand you do not marry a girl, you marry a Family. You need to know the family almost as well as the girl, and I mean *all* the family. However much she loves you, she will always love her family more. The sooner you accept that, the better.

You definitely need, I repeat need, to learn more about the culture you are marrying into. This might require time, money and effort to achieve, but the result will be worth it. Your question about social hierarchy is the most telling. When you get to the stage when you can answer that for yourself, you will know you are thinking in a more 'Thai' way and perhaps able to see why certain things are expected.

When a Thai mother asks you something that an Australian mother might also ask you, they do not mean the same thing, even if the transliteration is exact.

Wish you all the best, I have a hunch you will not experience any of the problems I implicit. Apologies for verbosity.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I went 'out of town'!
This and what I said seems to sum it up...
I am not at all sure you I would advise that you should 'drop' a former bar girl...were  that to be what she is/was....yes I know the  evidence is 90% that they do not change....but I have met one or two....and in Thailand the fine line between 'working girls' and 'available girls' is so fine as to be impossible to chart....

What do you say to me and OxfordWill today!!?

[Fire]

Virgil,

You are such a sweetheart and that's the problem here. You are basically charting the lines in the sand right now. And they are already fcuking with you. Things in this country work very different than in the west. Often the opposite of what we tend to think works. If you can, the best thing is just to get her to OZ without marrying her.

Now 38 is young. In this country, girls get married to 50 year old guys when they are 16. You are basically doing her parents and her a big favor by taking her and taking care of her. Marriage or no marriage.

All this talk about money just makes me sick! You're stressing about it and getting sucked into the game. Take control of the situation. At the end of the day she will be with you if you marry her or not and if you give money or not. Call the whole thing off because the money thing makes you sick and you'll see a whole family running after you and agreeing to everything you say. And the most important thing is that you will gain their respect. Respect goes a long way in this country. And they will not try to fcuk with you after that.

Thai people have no business sense. They already have a great deal (you). You are willing to marry their daughter who is, in Thai society, over the hill because if her age. But they still try to push it and milk you for more. And you because you are a nice guy think you need to go along with it. You don't! You can do what ever you want. It's your life. In two years you will still be a rich young man. But their daughter will be over the hill (as far as they see it). You don't need to negotiate, you can name a number. Zero is probably the best number. Don't forget. In FarangLand the person who pays makes the rules. Who said you need to dance to their song?

You are basically making the rules now. Back paddling is really hard once you are on the way. Better be over strict now because problems will arise in the future. Don't make any money promises. In fact make it clear not to ask you for money when the cow dies, the roof falls off or the grandmother is sick. They will ask you anyway but then you have something to fall on and say: "I told you not to ask me".

[meemiathai]

Fire, on 2005-03-16 19:16:16, said:

Virgil,
Thai people have no business sense. They already have a great deal (you). You are willing to marry their daughter who is, in Thai society, over the hill because if her age. But they still try to push it and milk you for more. And you because you are a nice guy think you need to go along with it. You don't! You can do what ever you want. It's your life. In two years you will still be a rich young man. But their daughter will be over the hill (as far as they see it). You don't need to negotiate, you can name a number. Zero is probably the best number. Don't forget. In FarangLand the person who pays makes the rules. Who said you need to dance to their song?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Fire is right!  You already are a savior to their daughter from XXXX(I don't know)!
I usaually only give a beggar 10baht which is very good already and if he asks for more, I'd tell him to fvck off!

Vig,
Why don't you ask her mother the reason for such a large amount?  How much are you getting back?  Why not just simply tell her you disagree?  I can't really understand why people have difficulties in solving these sort of simple problems.
Good luck anyway!

Quote

You are willing to marry their daughter who is, in Thai society, over the hill because if her age.

Once again, this is classic!  I just can't stop laughing!  Have you been to Thailand before?  Don't drink so much and get yourself a better pair of glasses, mate!

[bronco]

where are you in Issarn mate? If you are near Khon Kaen I can give you the address of a good marriage service who will organise everything for you very cheaply

[Turok]

U really want a Thai girl to love and respect you?

Answer:  Give her your PIN number

Then she will be yours forever.  Of course as long as the PIN number cna withdraw something.

Guys, get yourself a rich farang beautiful woman to take care of you.  Turn the tables and be the manho.  Works out great! And you will get plenty of physical love!

Stop believing that you must be the one to shell out everything!!!

Turok

[Sir Burr]

Turok

Are you Toastwars's evil twin?

[meemiathai]

Sir Burr, on 2005-03-22 16:44:24, said:

Turok

Are you Toastwars's evil twin?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Turok is speaking of his own experience.
Got to feel sorry for him.
But perhaps the PIN is only what he has!

[cdnvic]

meemiathai, on 2005-03-22 20:27:13, said:

Sir Burr, on 2005-03-22 16:44:24, said:

Turok

Are you Toastwars's evil twin?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Turok is speaking of his own experience.
Got to feel sorry for him.
But perhaps the PIN is only what he has!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nice  

cv

[Turok]

Of course from experience... From watching farangs drop 100 IQ points as soon as they step into Thailand.  Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this whole Thai scene out!

And any of you guys interested in marrying one of these thai girls should certainly give it some VERY serious thought.

Continuing...  Lots of lovely ladies in this country who will set you up rite.  Lots of them want attention and don't mind splurging for it.  So while their hubys are out getting "Action" these ladies get it in return.  I fill the niche.

[Khun Larry]

Virgil, on 2005-02-02 13:28:22, said:

Gentlemen,

I am new to the Forum and new to Thailand.  A year ago, almost to the day, I met a Thai girl on the internet.  Needless to say, I fell in love.  Over an hour a day with the web-cam and over an hour a night on the phone lead me to Thailand in October and again over Christmas.

  Ae's mother has put forward a proposition which both Ae and I consider outrageous. 

1.  What would you consider to be a fair dowry for a Uni graduate who's parents are primary school teachers in rural thailand?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Anything "outrageous" should be rejected out of hand with extra attention to how insulted you are!!.  Don't worry about "Thai Face" that is a bunch of Thai crap as they will never care about "Farang face"

A fair dowry should always be ZERO.

Your troubles have just begun.

[cdnvic]

Khun Larry, on 2005-03-23 12:49:06, said:

Virgil, on 2005-02-02 13:28:22, said:

Gentlemen,

I am new to the Forum and new to Thailand.  A year ago, almost to the day, I met a Thai girl on the internet.  Needless to say, I fell in love.  Over an hour a day with the web-cam and over an hour a night on the phone lead me to Thailand in October and again over Christmas.

  Ae's mother has put forward a proposition which both Ae and I consider outrageous. 

1.  What would you consider to be a fair dowry for a Uni graduate who's parents are primary school teachers in rural thailand?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Anything "outrageous" should be rejected out of hand with extra attention to how insulted you are!!.  Don't worry about "Thai Face" that is a bunch of Thai crap as they will never care about "Farang face"

A fair dowry should always be ZERO.

Your troubles have just begun.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Settle down.  

cv

[Khun Larry]

Fair and reasonable post

[cdnvic]

I'm rather intolerant of anyone who slags off an entire race, or nationality. Moreover, it makes the poster look bitter and small minded. Just dial the anger back a notch and try to be a bit more specific about your targets.

Thanks

cv

[srisatch]

Where is Virgil?
He has given up on us if not on the girl!

[Khun Larry]

cdnvic, on 2005-03-23 06:30:50, said:

I'm rather intolerant of anyone who slags off an entire race, or nationality. Moreover, it makes the poster look bitter and small minded. Just dial the anger back a notch and try to be a bit more specific about your targets.

Thanks

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do you keep using the word anger. My post is based on facts and MY EXPERIENCES AND OBSERVATIONS. Maybe some thoughtful farang will be spared some misery.

As you note, you are the intolerant one. If you want only your view a forum is not the place.

[Clip_My_Wings]

Khun Larry, on 2005-03-23 15:52:41, said:

cdnvic, on 2005-03-23 06:30:50, said:

I'm rather intolerant of anyone who slags off an entire race, or nationality. Moreover, it makes the poster look bitter and small minded. Just dial the anger back a notch and try to be a bit more specific about your targets.

Thanks

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do you keep using the word anger. My post is based on facts and MY EXPERIENCES AND OBSERVATIONS. Maybe some thoughtful farang will be spared some misery.

As you note, you are the intolerant one. If you want only your view a forum is not the place.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

just a small point to make ... observations and experiences do not equate to facts or universal norms ..

[db1]

I am married to a lovely Thai Girl who was a teacher in Surin, we had the wedding in her mother and fathers house, Total cost for all the food and drink came to 75,000 bht, 150 guests in total, we then had a reception at the town in a 4star hotel total cost 80,000 bht for 250 guests, instead of wedding presents the guests give you envelopes of money total came to more than the cost of the hotel.

In the case of a dowrey a gave the parents 1,000,000,000 bht in a cheque, we had agreed in advance that this would look good for all the village to see, but only ended up giving 50,000 bht. her parents dont work and because she worked for the goverment all hospital fees where paid for but now we are married and she has come to live in England her parents get no help for hospital bills, plus when she worked she used to help her Mum & Dad with the bills.

The wedding was absolutely fantastic experience I would not have missed it for the world.

As every one else has said get to know her first I had know my wife for 4 years before we married and she had been on holiday to England to see if she liked it over here.
hope this long winded post helps, good luck

[JSixpack]

Virgil, on 2005-02-07 19:07:07, said:

Ae told me that her brother-in-law paid 200,000 and that her mother gave most of it back. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A shill. Seen THAT game played on a mate before. Even neighbors affirmed that a brother-in-law had paid 300,000. It took the police (long story) to elicit that he had paid more like 10,000.

You're bein' suckered, pal.

Edited by JSixpack, 2005-03-24 13:29:40.

[Heng]

When is the money disappearing?   Engaged in the morning, cash back in your bank accounts by noon.    If you don't want to haul cash, make it a cashiers check.    

Don't like the idea of cash?   You can get 2 or 5 Baht gold nuggets from Hua Seng Heng goldsmiths (no relation) in convenient boxes of 10 pieces - like chocolate.    

Don't want to use something that can be stolen?  Use title deeds, stock certs (artwise, typically better looking than cash, and it suggests more of a long term outlook.... you can also color coordinate, if you have a red themed wedding, you might want to go with Nike stock, green... go with Microsoft, and if I recall correctly, I'm pretty sure my Southwest Airlines certificates have hearts on them, also cute), Omsin bonds (these are also attractive IMO, nice blue color), etc.        

If people are getting ripped, it simply means they don't even really know their own spouse to be.   It's a wedding.   It's not a blackjack table in Vegas.