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[Litlos]

A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.  The stylist replied “no” so the blonde left. She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. The stylist agreed.  After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. They were saying, “Breathe in, Breathe out"

[Litlos]

The old man ordered one hamburger,one order of French fries and one drink and the old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said,”they were just fine”. They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said, “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”

She answered…. “The teeth”

[overherebc]

Litlos, on 2012-02-17 14:41:24, said:

The old man ordered one hamburger,one order of French fries and one drink and the old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said,”they were just fine”. They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said, “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”

She answered…. “The teeth”

Two guys talking and one asks the other if he has a spare room for a couple of nights,
Why asks his mate,
Well he said my wife suggested I should go out and buy some pills that would help me get an erection so I bought her a box of diet pills.

[TomTao]

Q. What do you call Batman and Robin after they have been run down by a steam roller?

A. Flatman and Ribbon.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[chuenyongman]

Have you heard of Dad and Dave the famous Aussie characters? Well here is one of their sitcoms.
  Dad and Dave are sat around doing nothing in particular when in comes their dog.
  It sits down and starts to lick its testicles. Dave watches it and says to Dad, "I wish I could do that" Dad says, Well if you give him a pat and are gentle ,he may let you.

[chuenyongman]

Another dad and Dave...................... Dad says to Dave, "I hear they have got a new club in town". Dave says, Yes, "You can get a pint of beer ,a pie and a Root for a dollar"  Dad say, "Who told you that?"  Dave says," The Sheila who live down the street".

[TomTao]

An immam, a priest and a rabbi are discussing how best divide thier congregations offering between what they keep for use in the ministry and what God keeps, the priest has an idea and says to the others "I know what to do, lets draw a circle on the ground, then we throw the money in the air, then whatever lands in the circle God keeps.", the immam says "no we'll throw the money in the air, whatever lands outside the circle God keeps.", then the rabbi speaks up and says "no we'll throw the money in the air, and whatever God wants, He keeps."

[bobl]

Sister to brother, after sex... "Hey, you're better than dad!"

Brother... "I know, mom told me"

[warfie]

bobl, on 2012-05-09 11:19:57, said:

Sister to brother, after sex... "Hey, you're better than dad!"

Brother... "I know, mom told me"

When I started this thread I was not actually expecting anything quite THAT bad...

Congratulations!

[TomTao]

Aussie foreplay, nudge with elbow, hey, you awake?

Tasmanian foreplay, nudge with elbow, hey, you awake mum?

Kiwi foreplay, nudge with eldow, baaaaa?

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect App

[ozsamurai]

bobl, on 2012-05-09 11:19:57, said:

Sister to brother, after sex... "Hey, you're better than dad!"

Brother... "I know, mom told me"

don't think that one can be beaten!

Edited by ozsamurai, 2012-05-17 06:14:26.

[LennyW]

2 indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital ... one's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka

[LennyW]

A man in Newcastle was caught yesterday,masturbating in a newsagents ....

Apparently its all over the papers.