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[neverdie]

bkkjames, on 2009-11-19 10:33:00, said:

You gonna report yourself mate?

You know what Jimmy, I rarely use the report button but I will use it especially when someone purposely tries to derail what seems to be an important thread, which is exactly what you were doing yesterday with 2 or 3 of your responses directed at me when I was trying to help the OP out.  I chose to hit the report button rather than respond to the rubbish you were posting because clearly you would of acheived your objective of derailing the thread.  I don't know why you were doing that, perhaps its because someone went against what you said or maybe it was a bit close to home, i dunno.  Other posters saw what you wrote and directed comments at you regarding this, the mods chose to delete it, so get on with it.

Perhaps you should stick to you pen pushing and continue hiding in your little bangkok office & perhaps come out and give advice about things when your feeling a little bit better or somebody wants to know about papercuts or whatever.  Theres absolutely no point in coming in here to take out your frustrations on other people who are only trying to help others.

Of course your statement "Beating the family in front of me might make me get arrested" impresses people & really helps the OP out.  

[bkkjames]

neverdie, on 2009-11-19 12:11:38, said:

bkkjames, on 2009-11-19 10:33:00, said:

You gonna report yourself mate?

You know what Jimmy, I rarely use the report button but I will use it especially when someone purposely tries to derail what seems to be an important thread, which is exactly what you were doing yesterday with 2 or 3 of your responses directed at me when I was trying to help the OP out.  I chose to hit the report button rather than respond to the rubbish you were posting because clearly you would of acheived your objective of derailing the thread.  I don't know why you were doing that, perhaps its because someone went against what you said or maybe it was a bit close to home, i dunno.  Other posters saw what you wrote and directed comments at you regarding this, the mods chose to delete it, so get on with it.

Perhaps you should stick to you pen pushing and continue hiding in your little bangkok office & perhaps come out and give advice about things when your feeling a little bit better or somebody wants to know about papercuts or whatever.  Theres absolutely no point in coming in here to take out your frustrations on other people who are only trying to help others.

Of course your statement "Beating the family in front of me might make me get arrested" impresses people & really helps the OP out.  

My comments to you are about your judging every second thread on here as started by a troll. Calling the most recent poster 'brain' dead is what may I ask if not a personal attack. But don't worry mate, I won't run to the powers that be like a lil baby.

As for derailing the thread, it appears that the advice I gave the op about considering what he is getting himself into (the big picture) first before jumping in with both feet, and echoed by many subsequently, he has taken on board.

For the record mate, you telling the guy to go confronting drug dealers with domestic violence issues probably is the worst advice he could get. Nobody said anything about condoning the guy's actions - quite the opposite, but sitting where ever you are encouraging the OP to get involved is brave of you considering you are not the one at risk.

Thankfully (for his sake) he will move first then contact the authorities. The difference between being a hero and a dead one, is using something that is found between the ears.

Edited by bkkjames, 2009-11-19 13:09:22.

[justanothercybertosser]

Menny, on 2009-11-18 12:32:54, said:

I thought that someone might have had similar experiences in the past and so knew how one can solve such a problem in Thailand - so its specific.

The poster advising to call Paveena's foundation is a very good idea. She will get the children out of the house. That happened a woman in my Soi who did not let her children go to school, and who worked instead for her small business. Some neighbor's called Paveena's foundation.

I have similar neighbor's, drug dealing, beating wife, etc. No young children involved though, only grown up children. Neighbor's called police almost every week because of the noise. They came, but couldn't do much because the wife never filed charges.
Lately though the abused wife has turned it around, and began beating the husband up when he started on her again. He has been seen walking around the Soi bleeding a few times lately, complaing that the wife and the children started to gang up on him, much to the amusement of the inhabitants of the Soi.

Anyhow, your issue is serious. You should call Paveena, and maybe let your wife make an anonymous call to the police as well about the noise when it happens. You have to protect yourself though as well, so that the complaint cannot be traced back to you. He might have more friends than you, and they may not take interference lightly. But not doing something is also not really an option.

[neverdie]

bkkjames, on 2009-11-19 13:06:40, said:

For the record mate, you telling the guy to go confronting drug dealers with domestic violence issues probably is the worst advice he could get. Nobody said anything about condoning the guy's actions - quite the opposite, but sitting where ever you are encouraging the OP to get involved is brave of you considering you are not the one at risk.

Ohhh dear, now you are trying to verbal me by suggesting I am the one that said he should go and confont this man. Perhaps you might like to show me where I used those words or suggested such a thing? Its going to be difficult for you because nowhere here did I suggest such an absurd thing. From memory it was you who was the one suggesting you'd be the big man and end up getting locked up for it, am I correct?

Mainly what I did in this thread is obtain some contact details so the op could obtain help and provided him with other information. I was trying to help him
with his enquiry and I think you made some contructive comment about what I did by saying "Whats he suppose to do with that, take it and wave it in front of the wife basher"

Anyway Jimmy, I have absolutely no doubt that Ive dealt with this kind of thing more times in one week than you have in your life, but Im guessing you know best, don't you.

Edited by neverdie, 2009-11-19 13:45:49.

[bkkjames]

neverdie, on 2009-11-19 13:44:51, said:

bkkjames, on 2009-11-19 13:06:40, said:

For the record mate, you telling the guy to go confronting drug dealers with domestic violence issues probably is the worst advice he could get. Nobody said anything about condoning the guy's actions - quite the opposite, but sitting where ever you are encouraging the OP to get involved is brave of you considering you are not the one at risk.

Ohhh dear, now you are trying to verbal me by suggesting I am the one that said he should go and confont this man.  Perhaps you might like to show me where I used those words or suggested such a thing?  Its going to be difficult for you because nowhere here did I suggest such an absurd thing. From memory it was you who was the one suggesting you'd be the big man and end up getting locked up for it, am I correct?

Mainly what I did in this thread is obtain some contact details so the op could obtain help and provided him with other information.  I was trying to help him
with his enquiry and I think you may some contructive comment about "Whats he suppose to do with that, take it and wave it in front of the wife basher"

Anyway Jimmy, I have absolutely no doubt that Ive dealt with this kind of thing more times in one week than you have in your life, but Im guessing you know best, don't you.

I really must admit I didnt read the paragraphs above. However, if you can point me to your profile I will be sure to give you a big gold star.

[Lite Beer]

Posts made by a multi banned idiot have been deleted, along with the answers to them.

[tb86]

arent there a few tourist police boys on this site? this would possibly be a good time to see how useful they realy are as they must have some higher up contacts in the police depts in phuket,, anyone?

[Menny]

tomahawk, on 2009-11-19 11:47:21, said:

I had a similar situation in Pattaya, though not nearly as serious as one you describe. Thai guy was beating his wife. I went to his house and rang bell. He came to door and I told him to stop. I do not speak Thai but he understood what I was talking about. Through gestures and such I told him that if he did not stop I would do the same to him. Apparently he believed me as the beatings appeared to cease .  I do not live there anymore so I suppose things have gone back to the way they were. I hope not but probably they have. I know things could have gone wrong and the guy could have shot me or something, but it is not in my nature to do nothing, partly because I am retired from law enforcement so have dealt with much violence. I do not know your situation, such as your age, physical condition, etc. I am a big guy so I am sure this is why I got away with this. I only say what I did. My advice would be at the least call the police. it is unfortunately the Thai way not to get involved. In situation I described my girlfriend was actually mad at me for getting involved, but I told her that is the way I am so get used to it or find somebody else. Actually the neighbors were happy I did this. However, the problem is, not only in Thailand either, no matter what you or even police do, the woman will stay with the guy in the end anyway. I never understood this, but that is the way it is.

I am very thin and weak so absolutely not the guy who would go over to them (its a whole gang not only one guy)! And besides that I have my wonderful girlfriend living with me and I want no one to do her any harm when I have to leave the house. Yes we are moving now. And I am sorry I this situation seems to offend some people - just don`t read it @braingurl! And to all the others! Thank you so much for sharing and not leaving us alone with this! Helpful advise was given and we are on it to do this step by step and in the best possible manner. As many of you have helped, I figure its good to tell you how its going on in the future.

[Menny]

justanothercybertosser, on 2009-11-19 13:16:55, said:

Menny, on 2009-11-18 12:32:54, said:

I thought that someone might have had similar experiences in the past and so knew how one can solve such a problem in Thailand - so its specific.

The poster advising to call Paveena's foundation is a very good idea. She will get the children out of the house. That happened a woman in my Soi who did not let her children go to school, and who worked instead for her small business. Some neighbor's called Paveena's foundation.

I have similar neighbor's, drug dealing, beating wife, etc. No young children involved though, only grown up children. Neighbor's called police almost every week because of the noise. They came, but couldn't do much because the wife never filed charges.
Lately though the abused wife has turned it around, and began beating the husband up when he started on her again. He has been seen walking around the Soi bleeding a few times lately, complaing that the wife and the children started to gang up on him, much to the amusement of the inhabitants of the Soi.

Anyhow, your issue is serious. You should call Paveena, and maybe let your wife make an anonymous call to the police as well about the noise when it happens. You have to protect yourself though as well, so that the complaint cannot be traced back to you. He might have more friends than you, and they may not take interference lightly. But not doing something is also not really an option.

This sounds like a real good option and I will do this as soon as we`ve moved. Its probably better calling them then the police but again - I am afraid this guy just runs amok seeing them pop up in his house! Jesus!
Thanks for this tip anyway. Its a good thing as the many foundations, Neverdie has mentioned. Thanks for sharing this. Maybe reporting with a call when we have moved could also be of help.
Sometimes I just wish the whole neighbourhood would fight this guy together...

[bifftastic]

[/quote]Don't even think about trying to understand a woman that is in that situation. AND be real careful when approaching her with your concerns as it may backfire on you. Drugs in particular methamphetamines make people crazy SERIOUSLY CRAZY! You said earlier the other people around know whats happening there. Get together with all of them and speak to a high ranking police officer AND what little official abuse help is available .  Sad but it happens way to often and not only in Thailand. Remember to CYA cause you may open a can of worms when you step in and be prepared for anything imaginable to happen cause it will!
[/quote]

Firstly i would like to say that this situation must be an absolute nightmare. The children are suffering every day. Very difficult to know the best thing to do.
I think the advice I quoted is by far the best I've seen as yet.

Often, in these situations, the woman is caught up in something she cannot, for reasons of her own (drug dependency, emotional issues, possibly grown up in a similar environment) see any way out.

It is very possible that she will not respond to offers of help and you can get yourself in trouble and not make the situation better.

But something does have to be done.

If you can, then I would definitely go down the route of involving as many people from the community as possible, contact the institutions that neverdie has researched for you together.

From the outset it needs to be clear that the whole community is as involved as possible. Everyone will be thinking the same. 'we want to do something but don't want/cannot be singled out by this scumbag as retribution is very possible and puts us and our families at risk'

Get everyone together with representatives from the help groups and show a united front. You will all be able to do something about this terrible situation. Even if he has some police on his side, if you all make a stand he will at least have to move and the agencies neverdie pointed you towards will have strategies in place to approach the woman and 'hopefully, rescue her children.
I hope, for the childrens sake and for the neighbourhood that you can all manage to do something.

How awful it must be to hear their screams through your wall!

[TaoNow]

I have scanned this thread and have the following comments:

1)  First, the thread should probably be moved to the Phuket forum if that is where OP lives and observed the DV
2) He says his GF has talked to the wife and he said the wife's legs are blue from beatings.  In that circumstance a simple photo of the victims legs would help to reduce the doubts of TV members who may (reasonably) think this is a troll or exaggerated post.
3)  OP has not given any indication of the neighborhood where this is occuring in Phuket (if Phuket).  Many of the TV Phuket members have traveled extensively throughout the province and know the neighborhoods.  None of the posts that I have seen have described any incidents to indicate this type of violence going on.  Though it is possible of course.

In sum, OP needs to provide more specifics and some visual documentation to add credibility and help inform the response.  In 30 years in Thailand in all types of communities at all times of day, I have not witnessed or heard about such flagrant abuse going on for an extended period without community intrvention.  It is not typical of Thailand and therefore not plausible.

[justanothercybertosser]

Menny, on 2009-11-19 17:19:05, said:

This sounds like a real good option and I will do this as soon as we`ve moved. Its probably better calling them then the police but again - I am afraid this guy just runs amok seeing them pop up in his house! Jesus!
Thanks for this tip anyway. Its a good thing as the many foundations, Neverdie has mentioned. Thanks for sharing this. Maybe reporting with a call when we have moved could also be of help.
Sometimes I just wish the whole neighbourhood would fight this guy together...

In Thai culture there is this unwritten rule in which people are very reluctant to interfere in others personal life, if not asked to do that.
Generally though, Thai class system makes people like that very tame very soon when they are confronted with people perceived higher in the pecking order, such as foundations, or cops. These foundations also have access to people one wouldn't want to have a problem with in case of such situations of people going ballistic.

If you are not part of the Thai pecking order, or are known to have friends that are part of the pecking order and in a position that give you some sort of protection, you are wise not to play the hero and directly interfere in things that could turn very dangerous to you and your family.

[boyboyboy]

Menny, on 2009-11-19 17:07:11, said:

tomahawk, on 2009-11-19 11:47:21, said:

I had a similar situation in Pattaya, though not nearly as serious as one you describe. Thai guy was beating his wife. I went to his house and rang bell. He came to door and I told him to stop. I do not speak Thai but he understood what I was talking about. Through gestures and such I told him that if he did not stop I would do the same to him. Apparently he believed me as the beatings appeared to cease . I do not live there anymore so I suppose things have gone back to the way they were. I hope not but probably they have. I know things could have gone wrong and the guy could have shot me or something, but it is not in my nature to do nothing, partly because I am retired from law enforcement so have dealt with much violence. I do not know your situation, such as your age, physical condition, etc. I am a big guy so I am sure this is why I got away with this. I only say what I did. My advice would be at the least call the police. it is unfortunately the Thai way not to get involved. In situation I described my girlfriend was actually mad at me for getting involved, but I told her that is the way I am so get used to it or find somebody else. Actually the neighbors were happy I did this. However, the problem is, not only in Thailand either, no matter what you or even police do, the woman will stay with the guy in the end anyway. I never understood this, but that is the way it is.

I am very thin and weak so absolutely not the guy who would go over to them (its a whole gang not only one guy)! And besides that I have my wonderful girlfriend living with me and I want no one to do her any harm when I have to leave the house. Yes we are moving now. And I am sorry I this situation seems to offend some people - just don`t read it @braingurl! And to all the others! Thank you so much for sharing and not leaving us alone with this! Helpful advise was given and we are on it to do this step by step and in the best possible manner. As many of you have helped, I figure its good to tell you how its going on in the future.

absolutely riveting!

first it was one bad guy!  now its a gang of bad guys!  next it could be the thai national army this guy is battling.

im starting to smell troll droppings!

[neverdie]

^and im starting to think that your braingurl, revisiting after you were just banned.

[Harcourt]

neverdie, on 2009-11-20 03:55:38, said:

^and im starting to think that your braingurl, revisiting after you were just banned.

And is that also germangal?
And possibly RaVen that just started another trollish thread?

At least this time, it's changed it's gender.

[tartempion]

To the OP: I am not going to read the tread, neverdie put me off, but:

Your best option might be to move.

We had a domestic incident with a neighbour's wife.
The husband decided he would not take it and came out with a knife threatening my wife.
Believe me, he was not joking.
Some Thais switch from easy going nice folks to murderous attitude in seconds.
For the next two nights he haunted our porch, was drunk and crashed beer bottles on our door step.
We called the police from evening one, they came by, not much they can do anyway.
By the third night we no longer were there, we went out to rent an other place far away from there.

If you plan to interfere with your neighbour's bad business, think more than twice

Edited by tartempion, 2009-11-20 06:32:28.

[dumpitin]

I dont understand how op can make it seem like he soooooooooo concerned and yet choose to do nothing.  Shouldnt have posted in the first place.  Its all about the op, not the childred ,is whats coming out!

[sanook2me]

Alot of good advice on here..with relevant telephone numbers from foundations etc..shame the OP/troll is not acting upon any of it

However, I notice the troll/OP is only adding bits of information like...   I am weak...     to further fuel the debate/postings

Good show by the OP...Even managed to cause a rucus between two long standing members...riveting stuff....  

The OP must be p1ssing himself laughing so hard


IMHO... after this post the troll/op will either be banned or never post again....  however 10/10 best effort in a long time...

[webfact]

Please keep it civil. If flaming doesn't stop suspensions will be handed out
One post deleted

[Mario2008]

I think the poster of the deleted post should the rest of the thread before jumping to conclusions and you will find that neverdie has since given very good advice to help the OP.

Your flame is unwarranted.

[dumpitin]

after reading this threasd fully mod, do you think op is really asking for advice?

[changnaam]

And I cannot believe that someone who spends a fair few hours of their time giving constructive advice gets slammed for trolling.

Maybe you should spend 5 minutes reading the posts and the advice before putting your 2 peneth in.

Looks like this is turning into a bitch fest. Big shame because it is a serious issue that could happen to anyone and the advice given is something for all to consider.

[cooter]

Menny, on 2009-11-19 17:07:11, said:

tomahawk, on 2009-11-19 11:47:21, said:

I had a similar situation in Pattaya, though not nearly as serious as one you describe. Thai guy was beating his wife. I went to his house and rang bell. He came to door and I told him to stop. I do not speak Thai but he understood what I was talking about. Through gestures and such I told him that if he did not stop I would do the same to him. Apparently he believed me as the beatings appeared to cease . I do not live there anymore so I suppose things have gone back to the way they were. I hope not but probably they have. I know things could have gone wrong and the guy could have shot me or something, but it is not in my nature to do nothing, partly because I am retired from law enforcement so have dealt with much violence. I do not know your situation, such as your age, physical condition, etc. I am a big guy so I am sure this is why I got away with this. I only say what I did. My advice would be at the least call the police. it is unfortunately the Thai way not to get involved. In situation I described my girlfriend was actually mad at me for getting involved, but I told her that is the way I am so get used to it or find somebody else. Actually the neighbors were happy I did this. However, the problem is, not only in Thailand either, no matter what you or even police do, the woman will stay with the guy in the end anyway. I never understood this, but that is the way it is.

I am very thin and weak so absolutely not the guy who would go over to them (its a whole gang not only one guy)! And besides that I have my wonderful girlfriend living with me and I want no one to do her any harm when I have to leave the house. Yes we are moving now. And I am sorry I this situation seems to offend some people - just don`t read it @braingurl! And to all the others! Thank you so much for sharing and not leaving us alone with this! Helpful advise was given and we are on it to do this step by step and in the best possible manner. As many of you have helped, I figure its good to tell you how its going on in the future.

I dont think anyone is recommending you go over and fistfight the bad boys.  But cant you muster up strength enough to make a few phone calls to SAVE the childred that you are so concerned about.

[Menny]

TaoNow, on 2009-11-19 18:37:42, said:

I have scanned this thread and have the following comments:

1)  First, the thread should probably be moved to the Phuket forum if that is where OP lives and observed the DV
2) He says his GF has talked to the wife and he said the wife's legs are blue from beatings.  In that circumstance a simple photo of the victims legs would help to reduce the doubts of TV members who may (reasonably) think this is a troll or exaggerated post.
3)  OP has not given any indication of the neighborhood where this is occuring in Phuket (if Phuket).  Many of the TV Phuket members have traveled extensively throughout the province and know the neighborhoods.  None of the posts that I have seen have described any incidents to indicate this type of violence going on.  Though it is possible of course.

In sum, OP needs to provide more specifics and some visual documentation to add credibility and help inform the response.  In 30 years in Thailand in all types of communities at all times of day, I have not witnessed or heard about such flagrant abuse going on for an extended period without community intrvention.  It is not typical of Thailand and therefore not plausible.

Hi,
May I answer your questions as good as I can. After you have scanned this thread you came to those conclusions and I try to sort it out a litlle bit.

1) You are right. I am in Phuket.
2) My GF didn`t talk to the wife about the incidents. The wife was asked by another neighbour in the presence of my gf where the blue legs come from and she answered she had a car accident. That`s all so far. Talking with the wife is very difficult as she is constantly observed by her husband either by him or by his friends. How would you make a good photo of her legs? She has some bandage around her legs. Should we ask her to remove it so we can make a photo of her in front of her husband? How strange would that seem? If you have difficulties believing this story, well - I don`t force you to believe it and you certainly don`t need to live with this story if you don`t want to.
3) I didn`t and won`t give indications of the neigbourhood to protect me and my family. I don`t want to have some people of their gang read this post somehow cause they have some foreign friends as well. It is occuring in Phuket and people do not intervene because they simply are afraid by all those young people hanging around. If you have only seen the good parts of Phuket where people are well off, then I believe you that you don`t know bad and poor neighbourhoods here. Thats probably places, where the "tourist"-police doesn`t have to appear that much.

In short - I will not give any visible proof on the internet because I am afraid of beeing identified by the wrong guys. Its that simple. I don`t want to risk this and so I don`t follow your advice. We have to be very very careful about this whole situation and I wont risk anything by exposing their private pictures within an expat internet forum so you can believe me. Actually many Thais have said the opposite of what you are saying - it is very typical that woman and children are beaten and abused by their drunk husbands. Just ask them for yourself and you will hear their answers. Besides that you know that Thais are afraid of interveneing in others family affairs?
Best regards

[Menny]

Please let me clarify a few points.
First of all: Thanks for all those who have helped us finding possible solutions since you`re all staying longer in Thailand (probably) then me. Seriously - thank you for your trust and for believing us in such a situation.
We feel sometimes even ashamed having started this topic. I never thaught that it would get so big at all and we hope that we didn`t steal your time asking for advise and help.
We are not the kind of people trolling around or lying about such a thing. I was answering honestly and I planned updating you with informations. I have decided to mail the updates to neverdie and people who have provided great ressources of help instead. Whats the reason?
I don`t want to create more hatred, mistrust and suspicion in this forum. It started accumulating in the last few posts so I will use what I think is best for us and this family but I figured it will be sensless posting here since this topic is slowly beeing destroyed.
Thank you again for all your help so far and sorry to those who feel bad about this post. I dind`t mean to create something bad instead we were looking for a solution.
Best regards
Tobi