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[Patsycat]

GrahamF, on 2011-06-26 20:44:05, said:

Patsycat, on 2011-06-26 18:23:23, said:

A friend of mine - who has been in rehab and sober for 10 months - recently went on holiday to Thailand.  Yes, he is a bit of a sex-pat but he works hard for his money and is a grown up and can spend it as he wishes.

He told me that he had the best holiday in all the years he has been going to Thailand.

Good for him!!!  Glad to hear he had a good time while staying sober...It can be done.

Maybe we could start having AA meetings in the gogo bars?

I was there and saw it at the time - he had the room next to mine.  Two bottles of vodka a day at least and he had "bought" six girls from a bar to do whatever.  When we got home, he could never remember his holiday.  And was as white as what he was two weeks before.  One time, I had been swimming and come back to my room.  There he was getting his toenails cut etc.  "Pats, have you been to the beach?"  Yes.  "Where is it?"   20 meters that way...

I hope he will continue...  He's taking me out for lunch next week and said that it's ok if I have a glass of wine he'll just stick to his fizzy water.  But, he sounds great on the phone.  Much more awake and not sad anymore.  I'm a bit proud of him and myself for pushing him to do what he had to do.  The guy could not leave his flat, would call me up - give me money to buy booze etc.  In the end, I said no.  If you can't get to the shop yourself then f off.

And the good thing is - he remembers all that, and the friendship i have and will continue to give.  Some drunks just zone off.

Gosh my English is orrible!! Come back to my room should read came back...

Edited by Patsycat, 2011-07-02 18:13:09.

[Patsycat]

I'll do a PS here before i hit the Sales - yummy.  New Shoes!!!

I know he will talk to me about my alcoholism, but perhaps in a nicer friend to friend situation.  Remember this and that and all the falling over situations etc.

It may be cooler to come from a friend who i have seen, full faced, go through the crap - explain to me the ins and outs and ups and downs and around abouts about this addiction.

I hope you all have a great weekend (I hear it is alcohol free!!) and have a laugh at the shaky people on Monday!!!

Kisses

[Sheryl]

Thanks for getting this thread back on track, patsycat.

To those who have been bickering/quibbling/flaming each other: cease and desist, or you'll find your posting rights in jeopardy.  

[GrahamF]

saraburioz, on 2011-07-02 11:14:27, said:

However, i want to reduce my drinking and am looking into spending less time in bars.
I know what this forum is about. I drink too much - is that good enough for you mr moderator?

I stayed sober once for over a year. It's essential to stay away from bars in the first 2/3 months. the temptation is way too much.

Excellent!!  How do you plan on doing that?  For me it is AA and working the 12 steps.  It really has changed my life.  My sobriety is so much better than when I gave up booze for a year on my own, about 10-11 years ago.  I am happy and enjoying life and as I posted earlier I am fine going to bars and being around people who are drinking.  I would agree that staying away from environments where you may be tempted to drink at the beginning of your sobriety is a very good idea.  As far as controlled drinking, that is not an option for me.....Tried it, didn't work.

Tried a lot of other things as well:  the geographical cure; the drinking only wine cure; the only have a drink after 6pm cure; the only drinking beer cure; the only drinking on weekends cure; etc, etc, etc.

Edited by GrahamF, 2011-07-02 21:59:17.

[RickThai]

From the responses, it seems it is possible to keep the lifestyle of regularly buying affection while staying sober.  However it seems to me that perhaps you could be happier and have more respect for yourself and others, if you gave up that part of your lifestyle entirely.

Having been there and done that, (a long time ago), I knew that even as a 19 year old, I never really felt proud about myself when it came to that aspect of my life.

That's partly why I used to drink so much, so that I could let my 'reptile brain' take charge and do things that deep, inside I knew wasn't something I'd want my parents to know about.

Just a thought.

RickThai

[StreetCowboy]

RickThai, on 2011-07-05 23:42:50, said:

From the responses, it seems it is possible to keep the lifestyle of regularly buying affection while staying sober.  However it seems to me that perhaps you could be happier and have more respect for yourself and others, if you gave up that part of your lifestyle entirely.

Having been there and done that, (a long time ago), I knew that even as a 19 year old, I never really felt proud about myself when it came to that aspect of my life.

That's partly why I used to drink so much, so that I could let my 'reptile brain' take charge and do things that deep, inside I knew wasn't something I'd want my parents to know about.

Just a thought.

RickThai

Once we can look down on something, its very easy to stop doing it.  And once we've found a daft (woman - original term edited by moderator)  willing to shag us for nothing (no offence intended) we can easily look down on others not so lucky.
The 12-step programme I aspire to examines how we consider our relationship to others, and seeks to recompense our wrongs toward them; it makes no consideration of our expenditure or their profession,

If you don't want to whore; don't do it - it may lead you to drink,  If you want to do it - think whether you really do or not; maybe its an excuse to drink.  
I know some quite sober whoremongers...

SC

[kerryk]

When I was drunk I could go home and get drunk and watch meaningless things on TV or listen to music and imagine I was composing my thoughts for my next great novel.  I even used to make notes of my brilliant inebriated ideas.  Upon reading them in the morning I discovered they were just drunk ramblings.  

Now, when sober and horny there is no escape into booze.  I am either horny or not horny.  I am not horny when recently satiated; if not I am horny.  

I have also noticed another phenomenon.  “Them that has gets.”  When I have a woman other women seem to come out of the woodwork after me.  Maybe I walk different or display an air of confidence that I don't have when alone.  If I was drunk I would not notice the signals sent by the other ladies.  Nothing a Thai woman does is coincidence every action has a meaning.    

My daft (woman - original term edited by moderator) willing to shag me for nothing is a sweetheart.  While I would normally think she must have a screw loose, she appears at least on the surface, to be one of the brightest women I have met since coming to Thailand.  

One of the mixed blessings of age is, I have gone from six shooter to a single shot revolver.  It takes me a while to cock it again.  So she has little trouble keeping me from straying.  And drink?  Heck no.  I could not keep up with her while drunk, no way.  And I do feel since I am not paying I owe her a decent experience.  That's only fair.  

To me, the pay for play, thing encourages drinking because since I am the one paying her pleasure is not my concern and I can be as drunk and horrible in bed as I want.  

I don't think anyone really thinks a man being drunk contributes to excellence in the bedroom.  But perhaps this is only me as I have few inhibitions drunk or sober.  I have known some women who were great drunk and awful sober but it is a fine line between a great courtesan and a sloppy drunk confined to the toilet.  Note the barf sink at Gulliver's in Bangkok.

[philo]

This is called compassionate insight ...

Reason for edit - stupid post on my part. I wonder why I do this. My last brain cell must be over-something...

Edited by philo, 2011-07-06 18:06:45.

[RickThai]

It seems that many people arrive at the same destination through many different paths.  That makes me happy.

RickThai

[RickThai]

saraburioz, on 2011-07-02 11:14:27, said:

... calling prostitutes, "girls who like everyone" is IMHO a pathetic way to justiofy your addiction..

I assume you have mixed up multiple posts.  My wife was the one who used that term one night when her sister pulled over to make a cell phone call.  There was a large building across the street (we were in Kamphangphet) that looked to be some kind of a private club.  I asked my wife what the building was and she in turn, asked her sister (who is a teacher).  My wife then told me that it was a building where men go to find "girls who like everyone".  

Rather than "pathetic" which indicates feeling sorrow or sad for someone, I thought the use of the phrase was a very 'nice' way to indicate a brothel.

As you know, one of the beautiful things about language is the rich and varied ways to describe things.  Just as important as words and grammer, are style and tone.  Using coarse and demeaning language serves no useful purpose to my mind, and often gets in the way of communication.

Using warm and kinder words to describe something, displays a creativity and respect for both the subject and the readers/listeners.  Apparently some posters enjoyed the euphenism (sp) and lastly, I can assure you that my wife has no addiction (sexual, drink, or otherwise) and goes through life trying to be a compassionate and understanding person.  Its took a long time (we've been married 36 years), but some of her niceness has finally started to penetrate my "engineer mindset" and I've become to realize that how you say something, is often more important than what you are saying.

Wishing you well,


RickThai

[kerryk]

A 65 or 70 year old Aussie was having a coke with a 50 year old lady and reading her palm.  They were chatting about how a healthy life was good luck as he looked at the life line in her palm.  The gentleman was in the pub waiting for the football game to start.  State of origin or something like that.  A friend of the lady joined them; he bought her a beer and read her palm too.  I was eavesdropping, with nothing better to do waiting for my lunch to arrive.   At four in the afternoon there was also a group of offshore workers waiting for the footy to start, they were pounding down draft beers, and shots.  

It was a typical English pub in décor and ambiance with a notable exception.  The exception was the staff.  All females.  Female bartenders, cooks, wait staff and a few bar girls working freelance.  

The night shift comes on at 4 PM.  I eat a late lunch or early dinner because I enjoy watching the shifts change.  They don't use a changing room to switch to their work outfits.  

The old guy with the coke was getting a bit randy and his 50 year old bar lady was in the mood but her friend looked sad to see them go as she was enjoying the camaraderie.  He said, “Are you shy?”  She said, “Shy, what for?”  So the three of them toddled off upstairs all smiles asking the bartender to hold their seats as they would be back in 30 minutes for the game.  

Having had the pleasure of the ladies company before I knew they would not be back in 30 minutes as both were insistent on getting theirs as well as giving.  

In contrasting pubs between England and Thailand I have to think the Thai pubs win hands down for the sober single person.

[sandhurstmolonski]

I guess It really does depend on the individual , but I was someone who could always do this ( completely Sober in a Bar ) even when I was a pretty heavy Binge drinker / Alcholic / Problem drinker ( dependent on definition ) ... Despite enjoying the Bar Scene  ( Not to find women ) , I really always found it quite simple .

   Matter , I always do say to Aussie Guys who I think are going to go for Bar girls ..to go out early , keep a clear head and Leave early , therefore getting their Money's worth ... The Few guys who have followed my suggestion , have Thanked me many times over ... Now from there , If they wish to stay with the same girl or " Play the field " ..using the same judgement , they have a much much better time .

   However , like all the posters , I can see the Danger and the issues , especially if you are drinking Whiskey , as I used to . 15 beers , doesn't even touch the Sides !!! .

  And I guess , this system aint so good for the Bar owner ..but much better for the individuals Health and well being .

[tomgoldhirsh]

Drinking is a bad habit,but it's becoming a lifestyle of many people..There are some people who used to drink daily,it is the part of their lifestyle..

[lumply]

I was always a responsible drinker, pilot, export manager travelling the world on expenses, many opportunities to over indulge but the job came first, and then there were the regular medicals to keep my license. Now I'm unable to have an alcholic drink, not even one, without feeling unwell, albeit for a few minutes at a time. So, the nearest I get to having a regular drink is red wine sauce with a steak.

I feel like the odd beer and glass of wine (especially when I visit LOS on holiday!), but dismiss the thought. I am very healthy for my age,63, or so I've been told by my medic. Has anyone experienced these symptoms? How do I get back to enjoying a drink without feeling ill?

[turgid]

I've tried sitting in a bar with a club soda and its a miserable experience.  A number of people (including real girlfriends) have said you are much more fun when you 've had a couple of drinks. I despise other drunks when i'm sober as they remind me of me drunk which can be a total asshol_e.  Generally my sober pragmatism and logic  isnt a great girl puller whereas apparently my semi drunk BS is. But listening to people repeat themselves while they think they are fascinating is a pretty depressing reminder of how I am.  I normally have food or watch soccer and then leave.

Secondly bars (and the people in them) get a bit of a glow after a couple of drinks - they both generally look horrible without booze. Try going into a 2nd floor patpong toilet sober at 2am  for a really special experience.   Thirdly the girls make money from selling drinks so i might order 10 for me and 20 for them if i'm drinking for the evening  (and more if they get me on a roll) but on the club soda its 2 or 3 max.  They are unlikely to be friendly for 3 club sodas.

There is also something pretty addictive about going into an after hours place and ordering  a bottle with several girls who want to party because they are halfway there as well. I miss that.

I've been off the ale for a while and meeting nobody. My solution had been a weekly home  2 hour massage  but she decided that as I was calling her regularly I must want to be her boyfriend and started requesting additional funding for school, medical bills for her kid, family, clothes, etc so she had to go.

If anyone has suggestions for single people to have fun without drinking i'd love to see them. You certainly save a lot of money not drinking though and I have a clear head and energy with nothing to do..

[chiang mai]

You need to turn the argument on its head, why do you need booze in order to have fun, the simple answer is that you don't. I reckon I have more fun these days by not drinking than when I did drink, I have no problem walking into a bar and ordering an iced tea or similar and I've yet to meet a Thai female who doesn't find that a positive thing. I find that with a clear head I tend to make better judgements both of people and situations, I sleep better, I feel healthier and I'm mentally more alert, try it for three months, it could become fashionable! Most folks however are afraid to give up booze because that would take them out of their safety zone and they'd then be doing things without the support of alcohol and many find that scary.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

turgid, on 2012-05-22 16:31:56, said:

If anyone has suggestions for single people to have fun without drinking i'd love to see them. You certainly save a lot of money not drinking though and I have a clear head and energy with nothing to do..

I haven't done any drugs including alcohol for 20+ years now, used to be a total waster.

The idea of being bored is completely foreign to me, don't see how you could be here.

Learn the language, get out there and contribute to the world, you have tons to offer those less fortunate than you and you'll meet some great people too, maybe not even have to pay for companionship. Just focus on giving without expecting anything back, don't worry it'll all come back in spades, just not necessarily from directions or in ways you'd expect.

[Sheryl]

lumply, on 2012-05-05 23:37:20, said:

I was always a responsible drinker, pilot, export manager travelling the world on expenses, many opportunities to over indulge but the job came first, and then there were the regular medicals to keep my license. Now I'm unable to have an alcholic drink, not even one, without feeling unwell, albeit for a few minutes at a time. So, the nearest I get to having a regular drink is red wine sauce with a steak.

I feel like the odd beer and glass of wine (especially when I visit LOS on holiday!), but dismiss the thought. I am very healthy for my age,63, or so I've been told by my medic. Has anyone experienced these symptoms? How do I get back to enjoying a drink without feeling ill?

I'm afraid the only answer is to listen to your body, and follow what it is telling yiou, which is that it can no longer tolerate alcohol.