68 replies to this topic
Posted 2011-11-12 06:18:46
To add... the women in our group have no western bf's & would never conduct the first dates without a chaperone. My husbands best mate married his gf after a year long courtship & they were not alone for the first 2 months of their relationship. Nether of these people were virginal teens, both were over 30 years old, he had been married before but she hadn't & it was expected (by her & her family) & accepted (by him) that this was how it had to be.
Amongst our thai only group, this is the norm rather than the exception.
Posted 2011-11-12 06:43:21
You misread me Boo. I didn't say it was normal for me,nor did I say that is what I expect. What I did say is that is is unfortunate that sex has become not much more than a meal between friends, and I'm still somewhat 'old fashioned' in that way.
I can say that sex has been expected/anticipated on a first date by women of a number of nationalities I have spent time with, and I don't think it says anything in particular about the women other than that it is the social conditioning engendered by mediums such as TV programs.
Edited by F4UCorsair, 2011-11-12 06:55:01.
Posted 2011-11-12 06:59:27
I disagree: That depends entirely on the ‘type’ of lady you are ‘attempting to bang on the First night’…….
In my case and that of many friends who are dating or who have dated respectable ladies, the ‘bang on the first night’ was simply not an option.
In the case of each of my friends they are dating / married to financially independent and respected ladies in a similar age bracket.
So, to the Op. I know nothing of dating sites, but I guess there is some sort of worry that it attracts weirdo’s. And in a country such as Thailand it might be harder to ‘filter’ these out. The shoe is on the other foot also, men do have more choice than in the west mainly due to the financial distortion.
Ultimately, I suspect it’s just like dating in the west, but due to the ratio disparity (between Western Women and Men interested in Western Women in Thailand) there is less opportunity to meet a decent guy so you have to be more patient.
Posted 2011-11-12 08:45:15
To be fair
I don't think you are representative of many women in Thailand.
Posted 2011-11-12 09:06:37
Gee, I'd side with Boo on this one. Having a large family in Thailand with female cousins, and age range from 37 to 18, I just don't see sex on the first date happening with a "proper" Thai woman (in other words one who is not a bargirl). What Boo says is what I see with my own family. It's not "dating" like the West, where you just go out with someone and may or may not tell your family. With traditional Thai girls, its a "family affair". Like you don't just date a person, you date "the family". My cousin who is my age and married her boyfriend after 8 years of dating (and is now pregnant), it's like even in her late 20's she would tell her parents where she was going and what time she would be home and everything else. And she stuck to it. And she was always considered a good girl. (I have a feeling I am considered the "slut" of the family--but no one has told me outright yet, but I digress.)
Posted 2011-11-12 09:31:43
Submaniac, good Thai girl or otherwise, the parents do not know, and are not told, everything that the daughter/son does. If you believe it does, you believe in the tooth fairy. To be fair, I don't have a lot of experience with Thai women, particularly young ones, but what you're suggesting is just not reality.
Boo, on Today, 09:07 , said:
I've never slept with a man, thai or other on a first date & it was ever pushed for nor expected. And you'd be surprised what women talk about when alone, just becuase the women you date sleep with you on the first date is not indicative of all women.
ludditeman said, To be fair, I don't think you are representative of many women in Thailand.
I'd say that's accurate ludditeman, but not just of Thai women.
Edited by F4UCorsair, 2011-11-12 09:34:31.
Posted 2011-11-12 09:31:50
I'm with Corsair
I thought the whole 'rules of face' thing meant.
You could do whatever you liked, steal, cheat, lie, sleep around, as long as your family and neighbors didn't find out.
To be fair, I believe Boo lives in a mainly Muslim southern region which may behave entirely differently to the rest of Thailand.
Edited by ludditeman, 2011-11-12 09:34:38.
Posted 2011-11-12 09:34:06
Thats the way I was raised, sub, even today, when visiting home, if I go out I let someone know where I am going, its just considerate. We are all living together.
As for yours and Boo's experiences, well you just explained it better than I did, I guess. Mine are the same, and yes, Thai women are just like other women, we generally talk about all sorts of things you men would never ever hear about. And no, I didn't sleep with guys on the first date and would never let a man pressure me into sex. Hardly consensual then is it?
Posted 2011-11-12 09:39:33
Ludditeman, the South of Thailand is not mainly Muslim, it is mixed, you are confusing the South with the Deep South which is a few provinces along the border with Malaysia. Southern Thailand begins at Chumpon and extends to the border. Southern women in general are far more conservative than Central, Northern and Isaan yes, its true, but not because they are Muslim.
Posted 2011-11-12 09:49:38
You know sbk, I said this very thing to some friends last week. Many farang believe that because the areas they frequent, Phuket and Pattaya mainly, have hordes of hookers, that is indicative of Thai women generally. I argued that they are just like women from other countries, mostly decent people making a living, probably no greater percentage of hookers once you get away from the grubby farang tourist hangouts. Along with that goes the behavior of young people, and they definitely don't tell parents everything they are doing. I'm with you though on common courtesies, and if I'm staying with friends, they know the hours I'll be keeping.
Edited by F4UCorsair, 2011-11-12 09:51:46.
Posted 2011-11-12 15:02:39
Ludditeman, my thai friends & family are not from the south nor are ANY of them muslim.
Posted 2011-11-17 01:12:08
Yes, we live in the 21st century, and yes women and men (are supposed to) have equal rights, but the nature of a woman is totally different from the nature of the man.
Men are hunters, women...etc..etc
Even though we have birth control methods and women are free to enjoy sex without being afraid of getting pregnant, it is still in her nature to be selective, to be careful.
So personally I wonder why women have sex on a first date, options are:
- for fun
- to win the guy emotionally for whatever the reason (for men sex is the glue)
- therapeutical (to get her confidence back, to feel desired/loved etc)
- a man is as a fitness equipment to her.
Each option is fine with me, as long as both parties are happy.
But if a woman is in there for a serious relationship, she'll wait. She knows how she'll be seen in general and by the man when she gives herself on a first date. Plus, like one poster mentioned, a woman needs to feel safe and needs more than 1 date to give herself totally and not only her body.
We all want someone special and if I were a man and I'd have a partner with whom I had sex on a first date, I would wonder why she couldn't wait.
Call me narrow minded, but this is how I think about it.
You know, the innocent pre-sex phase is so delicate and beautiful, it will never come back.
To meet that someone you can do 2 things:
- meet as many people as you can, but then you have to kiss 1000 frogs before you find that one.
- be selective and kiss a handful of frogs and meet the prince Haha...
Posted 2011-11-19 13:01:34
To be honest I have looked at both Thaikiss and ThaiFriendly. I do this after work as there is nothing to do offshore or in the desert and from what the women I speak with say I don't know if it would be worth your time. From what I gather most guys try to turn the convo into a sex talk with in 5 minutes. So though I don't know you I will make an assumption that this is not what you are looking for. Is there no place or functions that Expats living and working in Thailand hold? Save the odd golf tourney I have never heard of anything. Maybe its an idea to look and see if there is anything of that sort. Always more fun to meet a group of people to me anyway.
Posted 2011-11-22 09:25:29
There is only one site to look on. Not fully focussing on dating between Thai and farang, but its a global site with users all over the world and most functions are free to use.
I am talking about badoo.com
Posted 2011-11-22 22:16:17
Uh,yah. And it's a scam/phishing site. 'BartPattaya' - '11 posts' LOL!
ps: If you wouldn't resort to online 'dating' in your home countries, why on earth here?!
Get out more.
Edited by silsburyhill, 2011-11-22 22:19:25.
Posted 2011-11-27 14:10:47
Thanks to all for posting!!!
I tried some of the sites mentioned, to find my luck just like Eek did
But the online thing in Thailand is really not for me.
Tagged: what a non-sense... superficial and 99% of emails started with : "Hello baby, why don't you email me at XXXX" or " Your lips are so xxxx. and your eyes are xxx, I think you are my soulmate.." I needed a bucket too often.
Also tried datingsites, but men responding were a lot older than I am and they wanted to meet women(girls) a lot younger than I am Why did they contact me anyway!? Others emailed me too: swingers... lesbians... ladyboys... very young Thai boys...
I received more interests/emails than I thought I would, but none of them triggered me enough to actually meet them. I knew a few men who contacted me online also IRL, but what I read in their profile just turned me off.
In general I think Western men change when they arrive in Thailand, and often in a way I don't find very appealing. They get stuck in 'fun'. I guess it is the availability of too much candy here...
I also signed in on a dating site in my passport country, and... what a relief! Guys my age responded, only a few were 10 years older, but with the same interests and who took time to write me a proper email, sometimes funny, sometimes serious, but always making an effort to connect. Even if none of them end up being my bf, at least I connected with a few who have become my friends.
So I basically quit trying to find someone in Thailand to fall in love with
Posted 2011-12-03 14:49:16
Yes, you women, learn to obsess publicly over your pimples, smile or giggle insipidly no matter what, be a personal body servant, provide all meals and do all the housework and you too can have a western man!!
Oh, and it help to resemble a child with a too big a head for a tiny body, apparently.
Besides, as the average western male visiting or even residing within Thailand is likely to have made the ease of sexual procurement a factor in his choice to move here, and they aren't usually using condoms, I say let the Thai women have their nasty DDD.
We western lasses certainly aren't missing much with those dregs.
Every now and then I get a glimpse of an really attractive western man, just a tourist of course,and realize I do miss good looking men. Gawd, I had some stunning boyfriends in my heyday.
I often have thought a Chippendale's style bar replete with gorgeous strippers would do quite well in the tourist centres.
Honestly, It is good to have gone through menopause, really changes the view on men and whether a relationship is important, or not. Or what you'll put up for one, at least.
Edited by TigerWan, 2011-12-03 14:55:41.
Posted 2011-12-03 15:07:43
I think it is just a double standard. Women are supposed to be less sexual. more " wholesome" And are judged by wholly different criteria regarding promiscuity. Screw that.
Posted 2011-12-03 15:20:31
Jaysus Look at the pic in the dating site ad " Push Me, Date" at the bottom of this page. If that image doesn't look like a child...
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