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We are a group of sociology students wanted to see how gender difference influence relationship. We used a real conversation in this test. We think somewhat it reflects some common issues people face in relationship. Some personal information has been desensitized. We want to put this post in male forum and female forum and generate response. Please kindly help us.
This is a conversation between a woman and a man. The woman is a busy working professional. The man was a busy working professional but now taking long holiday to travel and taking course. They met in a trip. They were kinda dating each other. The man said he really likes the woman. The woman was not sure whether the man is right for her, but they agree to give a bit try. They spend a whole month together and now live in two different cities. (she is in B CITY, he is in T city) They haven’t seen each other for a month.
The context of this conversation is, the woman was facing a huge challenge from work. Someone made up a trouble and made it big, so the big boss stop her project that she has been working on for 6 months, just 5 days before the deliver day. She had to end it, 1 day before the deliver day, because otherwise it will drag more people into trouble. She has been in pain for more than a day.
Please help out if you can carefully read through all details, we’ll appreciate your genuine advise or analysis.
Please do not judge and comment without objectively understand the conversation.
We want to know
1. Your gender, age, relationship status
2. Your analysis of these two persons’ personality. If you can directly link your analysis with quoting their words, it would be better
3. Is the woman too demanding or the man is not sensitive enough?
4. Do you advice these two people to work out problems and try to date each other or they better off find other people?
5. Any other general comment that is helpful in find out how people should deal with gender caused issue in relationship?
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Yesterday15:09:53: Woman: Reply me after u came out, can u pass B city to fly oversea?
Yesterday19:27:57: Man: Geez what an exhausting day, Feel totally burnt out.
Yesterday19:30:40: Man: I'm gonna check prices of total trip, then choose the best option. So not sure if I'll be through B city.
Yesterday19:31:16: Woman: I cancelled my trip. Come to B city
Yesterday19:32:15: Man: Why did you cancel your trip?
Yesterday19:54:15: Woman: I had to right
Yesterday20:00:30: Woman: I wanted to come directly to your place.
Yesterday20:36:26: Man: Huh?
Yesterday20:40:31: Woman: Wow you replied my previous message with an "huh" not "come to me baby"
Yesterday20:43:50: Man: Ya cause your two sentences together don't make sense
Yesterday20:43:58: Man: So I said huh
Yesterday20:44:32: Man: Since I asked a question of why did you cancel your trip and got that as a response
Yesterday20:46:37: Woman: You can say come to me and figure out later
Yesterday20:49:00: Man: If you want to come, you're welcome of course. Just be aware that I'm pushing my DM training much harder and intensely now
Yesterday20:49:14: Man: I'm doing a new level starting in February
Yesterday21:17:49: Man: ?
Yesterday21:23:24: Woman: Well let's see about that! So u almost ready for new level?
Yesterday21:23:34: Woman: ?
Yesterday21:58:43: Woman: Sigh, I think I was imagining a guy that could comfort me give me the safety I need and then help me out of desperateness. Who can't wait to see me.
Yesterday21:58:51: Woman: I don't know
Yesterday21:59:12: Woman: Maybe that's not you, it's someone I imagined?
Yesterday22:06:15: Man: Maybe
Yesterday22:06:39: Man: Or maybe its me telling you that I'm doing a program
Yesterday22:07:01: Man: And my time would be limited
Yesterday22:09:20: Man: I'm really tired. I was up late chatting with you lastnight, then up early and today was exhausting
Yesterday22:09:37: Man: So I'm going to sleep. Can barely keep my eyes open
Yesterday22:09:52: Man: Goodnight
Yesterday22:10:02: Man: Sweet dreams
Yesterday22:10:18: Woman: I m not good
Yesterday22:10:21: Woman: But
Yesterday22:10:26: Woman: Go sleep
Yesterday22:11:06: Man: You're not in danger and your parents are at home
Yesterday22:11:24: Man: So you don't need protection and safety
Yesterday22:11:26: Woman: Right that's exactly why I m out in a bar
Yesterday22:11:44: Man: Well that's your choice
Yesterday22:11:45: Woman: Bcos I can't be sad at home
Yesterday22:12:09: Man: It's your home
Yesterday22:12:28: Woman: Not that I don't wanna be thoughtful for you
Yesterday22:12:53: Woman: But I killed my baby I had for more than 6 months
Yesterday22:13:04: Woman: I did everything for it
Yesterday22:13:08: Man: Huh?
Yesterday22:13:14: Woman: I killed it myself today
Yesterday22:13:36: Woman: Bcos they want me to surrender
Yesterday22:13:45: Woman: It's not easy
Yesterday22:13:56: Man: What are you talking about?
Yesterday22:16:10: Woman: And a guy who likes me who claim that he likes me will not say " you are out in a bar, it's your choice" " oh you wanna come and see me ?( bcos I wanna spent this time I m finally free and also seek for a peace of mind from someone that I can rely on who I needed when I m weak) you are welcome but I don't have much time for you"
Yesterday22:26:54: Man: I understand you're upset with losing out on your trip, but the world doesn't revolve around you. Ya you're at a bar and it is your choice. No one is forcing you to be there. There isn't a gun to your head that says you must be in a bar. Yes, I'm busy, doing a program that I've paid a lot of money to do. So, no, I don't have a ton of free time.
Yesterday22:27:01: Man: You may be generous with your time and money when it comes to the project and kids, but you're fairly shallow and selfish when it comes to me
Yesterday22:27:07: Man: As they appear to be better people than I could ever be
Yesterday22:27:09: Man: I think you need to find your guy friends you keep comparing me to, and get them to comfort you
Yesterday22:27:20: Man: I'm sleeping now. Night.
Yesterday22:31:18: Woman: I think it'll be childish for me to demand u to skip ur course etc for a weekend with me, (actually, really? I think it's legitimate to ask), if I only have one 2days weekend and I wanna spend with you, with all this travel etc, I think it's pretty significant. As thoughtful I am, I wasn't going to demand you, I was just hoping you would say, ok I can't cancel my course, but I can try to finish early and spend time with you.
Today14:20:10: Woman: It doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't change the fact that you no longer has feeling for me. If we had this fight in person and we have to sleep together later. It might be glued back.
Today14:21:34: Woman: Just quite a misfortune when we finally had some smooth time together at the end when we were together. Now it turned back to things like this.
Today19:26:20: Man: My feelings are still there. It's your expectations that are too high for me to reach
Today19:26:31: Man: I still like you a lot
Today19:27:21: Man: But I can't live up to your expectations while doing my stuff
Today19:27:34: Man: A weekend is different than two weeks
Today19:28:00: Man: And you know I've signed up for an internship with a schedule
Today19:28:19: Man: And my oversea trip is a set date as well
Today19:28:29: Man: Can't change that
Today19:40:46: Woman: Remember what did I do when you want a week of my time while I obviously do not have much free time? I moved with you, to maximize the time you can spend with me. I wanted sleep but Everytime I went along with you, tried to make you happy.
Today19:45:40: Woman: I wanted to come to see you, let it be 2 days or 2 weeks. Thinking that I'll be protected and loved. I will no longer come to bother you, you paid so much for the course and you are so tired diving everyday already. Your limited time, I should let you sleep, eat well. Not to ask you to hug me tight so i'll feel better.
Today19:50:54: Woman: Good luck, pick the cheapest way to Country S, have fun with your friends. There are so much pain in my heart, so much suffer that I do not deserve, to the point I only want to sleep get drunk sleep, I slept for a whole day, cos every other moment awake feels pain. It's ok, you will not understand. So it's not helping even if I talk to you right? I wonder why you are the first person I called when I got back to the country. I wonder why I wanted to see you after canceling the trip?
Today19:53:05: Woman: Right, I am selfish and shallow to you. I was still arranging you a job in B City and running around when I was oversea looking for Reese candy.
Today19:55:01: Woman: I don't mind a more expensive round trip ticket to T city just that I get more time out of two days with you. You told me you need to choose a cheaper way to Country S.
Today19:55:56: Woman: Do what's best for you. I thank you for your help.
Today20:10:56: Woman: Oh did I mention jan 22-23 is an important day in my culture, I wanted you to come to B City also for that? It's ok I knew you won't understand it. Really? Is it that significant? Maybe not. So cheaper way to Country S worth probably more.
Today20:35:35: Man: I don't have a job, and you know that I blew a months budget in the first week I was in B City.
Today20:36:17: Man: I have no way to make that back, except to reduce spending money
Today20:36:38: Man: I didn't know you ran around in your oversea trip looking for candy
Today20:37:54: Man: I don't get why you need to get drunk
Today20:38:03: Man: You choose that
Today20:43:18: Woman: Ironically, now. What I remembered was the nice time we had together.
Today20:43:58: Woman: You are probably a guy that I've seen with the lowest possible EQ ever.
Today20:44:18: Woman: I happen to be a delicate woman.
Today20:45:34: Man: Give me a break. You're an adult woman, not a child
Today20:45:50: Man: Do you really need to be babied
Today20:46:52: Woman: You will surely have your break.
Today20:47:11: Woman: I'll try to think of you
Today20:47:47: Woman: Try to memorize you as a guy that really liked me
Today20:50:15: Man: Its not past tense
Today20:51:19: Man: I already told you, you're welcome to come to T city.
Today20:53:51: Man: Okay, guess you're gone. Well take care. Xoxo.
Two day weekend? Thursday night you were wanting to runaway down here for two weeks
One hour in between without talking
Woman says (9:18 PM):
everything tortures me
Man says (9:18 PM):how so?
Woman says (9:19 PM):everyone
i should be leaving on the airplane
now
Man says (9:20 PM):well what did the boss say to you the reason was?
Man says (9:21 PM):Did the person sign that letter to help you to prove?
Woman says (9:21 PM):its dirty politics
he signed
Man says (9:21 PM):so what's the reason
Woman says (9:21 PM):i am too weak to stand on my own
Woman says (9:22 PM):but i don't have anyone i can rely on
i thought you were
Man says (9:22 PM):you're not weak
Woman says (9:23 PM):now i have to deal with a break up on top of all that other suffer
Man says (9:23 PM):huh?
Woman says (9:23 PM):i already collapsed
i wanted to struggle to stand up and face a new day
i couldn't
Man says (9:23 PM):what break up
Woman says (9:25 PM):everything tears me apart
piece by piece
my parents really care about me.
they can't help at all
they can't protect me
Man says (9:25 PM):protect you from what?
Woman says (9:26 PM):they can't protect themselves from this dirty world
Man says (9:26 PM):is someone trying to kill you?
Woman says (9:28 PM):we really aren't from the same planet are we
Woman says (9:29 PM):why is it so hard for you to emotionally sympathize with other people
even me?
supposedly someone you like
it's such a joke.
Man says (9:30 PM):it's hard because you're so vague and using so many metaphors
nothing is straight from you
what protection do you require? from this dirty world?
well what makes it dirty?
Woman says (9:31 PM):it's amazing how you virtually incapable to understand metaphors
Woman says (9:32 PM):all i need,
is emotional support
encouraging words
a wild open arm
someone who is ready to pick me up when i am so down
Woman says (9:33 PM):i don't understand why my other friends can, male or female.
Woman says (9:34 PM):they understand it's meaningful if i run away a town looking for their favorite candy
they understand it's significant if they are the first person i call after a long trip
Man says (9:34 PM):ya I got the significance
Woman says (9:34 PM):they understand there is something wrong if i call them at 2am,
Man says (9:34 PM):but 1. I didn't know I was the first person you called
Man says (9:35 PM):2. you never told me you went searching for candy
Woman says (9:35 PM):even if they missed the call, they'll call back the 1st thing in the next morning.
Man says (9:35 PM):so how in the hell was I supposed to know that
read your mind?
I'm not a fortune teller
Woman says (9:35 PM):yes, you asked me to get comfort from others.
Man says (9:35 PM):no I told you to
Man says (9:36 PM):cause you kept comparing me to everyone else
I refuse to be compared to someone else
Man says (9:37 PM):if I can't provide what you require, then find someone who will
Woman says (9:37 PM):there are many people in this world, many are nice to me. i wanted to make you the one that i feel the most special.
Woman says (9:38 PM):i realize i can't.
it's painful
again
on top of all other things
to realize i have to cut all these extra emotional connection with you
Woman says (9:39 PM):all these special connection i artificially imagine i have with you
Man says (9:40 PM):what connection?
as I recall, I had more of an emotional connection to you, than you did to me
Man says (9:42 PM):and I'm not even clear about what breakup you're talking about
if you're talking about you and I, I didn't even know we were in a relationship
Woman says (9:43 PM):we are not.
but i thought we are thinking of one
so if i was thinking about a possibility, i tried my BEST to create opportunities to make it happen
Woman says (9:44 PM):so, now.
Man says (9:44 PM):what? you kind of made it clear that you're not thinking about a relationship
Woman says (9:44 PM):why not now
if the world is hurting me.
why not let you add up to the pain?
bring this 2012 all together
Woman says (9:45 PM):if i didn't end up suicide
Man says (9:45 PM):the world isn't hurting you
stop making a mountain out of a mole hill
Woman says (9:45 PM):what ever what ever
Woman says (9:46 PM):this is already enough damage
Man says (9:46 PM):well why not be honest??
Woman says (9:46 PM):to whatever we could have
and whatever we had
if there were suppose to be a future.
Woman says (9:47 PM):there is no longer one, between you and me.
Man says (9:47 PM):fine
Woman says (9:47 PM):if you never thought about it
too bad, i thought too much
my bad
i should not have done that.
Man says (9:48 PM):well for your next potential relationship, I suggest to you that you give clear messages
cause when you say you don't want to think about a relationship
I take that to mean you don't want to think about a relationship
not the opposite
Woman says (9:49 PM):i wanted to laugh,
Man says (9:49 PM):When you say you're having fun in manila and changing hotels for a different conference, to took that to mean you're having fun and changing hotels for a conference
Woman says (9:49 PM):but i don't know should i laugh at you or myself
Man says (9:50 PM):not that you were runnign around looking for candy
when you say "hey I wanna run away and stay with you for 2 weeks" I took that as you wanted to come stay with me for two weeks
not, a weekend
I mean, I don't know where I'm going wrong here
Man says (9:51 PM):needing protection? perhaps be a little more clear, since you mean emotional support
Man says (9:52 PM):and I still don't get how the world is a dirty place
Woman says (9:52 PM):you could have asked for details, "oh, are you thinking of coming for two weeks, cos i currently need to go for an oversea trip, but if you want to go with me, that's totally fine"
Man says (9:52 PM):your trip was canceled
Woman says (9:53 PM):your emotionless response has poured a bucket of iced water from top to my toe
just like the night,
when i wanted to talk about some sentimental stuff
you cutted me off
Man says (9:53 PM):what?
Man says (9:54 PM):which night was that?
Woman says (9:54 PM):then you were yelling " what? why don't you say anything now?"
" you were not happy because i didn't listen to you. now i ask you to say it, you do not say a word"
Man says (9:54 PM):what are you talking about?
Woman says (9:55 PM):i wanted to talk about my childhood
Man says (9:55 PM):when?
Woman says (9:55 PM):in no condition you provided me a mood to continue my talk
Woman says (9:56 PM):your cold response has put off my willingness of opening up
instantly
hehe. YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER
a continous TWO nights that i almost cried my heart out
Woman says (9:57 PM):i can't even say a sentence properly
bcos my heart hurts so bad
the desparate night that i asked you " can i please go home" you told me " do whatever you want"
Man says (9:59 PM):omg, you're talking about back in B city
geez
how was I supposed to piece that together
ya I don't get what's wrong with saying to do whatever you want
you're an adult
can you go home? ya, you're an adult, you can do what you want
Man says (10:00 PM):really, do I need to treat you like a 4 year old?
if I do, then let me know and I will
Woman says (10:01 PM):from day 1
i told you, i am normally a strong and tough person
i protect others
i stand up for others
Woman says (10:02 PM):i hope the guy i like, the guy i can rely on, can then protect me and make me feel secure
time to time
when i need to take off my "tough woman" outfit
i just want to be a little girl
laugh with him
Woman says (10:03 PM):or go back home cry to him how i was bullied outside
Man says (10:03 PM):you still haven't told me how you were bullied
guess I have to read your mind on that one too
Woman says (10:04 PM):he would calm me down, make me feel secure and then ask about detail, tell me how to deal with big bullies outside
Man says (10:07 PM):well now we're getting somewhere, bullies is pluralized, so now I know there was more than one, and they were big apparently
Woman says (10:08 PM):let me just publicize our conversation today.
edit all personal details
Woman says (10:10 PM):let the rest of the world to judge who is understanding,
who is not.
Man says (10:11 PM):I don't need to be judged
Man says (10:13 PM):but go ahead
Woman says (10:13 PM):the point is not to judge you.
Woman says (10:14 PM):i perhaps just wanna know, whether i expected too much.
from a guy
Man says (10:14 PM):go ahead and publicize it and see what people say
it will be obviously bias, as "the world" you speak of will be "your friends"
Man says (10:15 PM):
so they'll be bias towards you, and probably won't tell you that you're being a bit nutty
Woman says (10:16 PM):oh, by all means
after i edit this file,
get rid of personal content
pls publize on your facebook
tag your guy friends
i am more than happy to see how they says.
Ok, if i turned out to be too demanding, i'll change.
Man says (10:18 PM):no, that's going to happen
I'm not going to spam my friends with garbage
but you can to your friends if you must
Man says (10:19 PM):I don't need consensus
Woman says (10:23 PM):bye, after i completely lost faith in our future. i missed terribly your smile, the moment that i jump on you, you hold me up, the moment i cries so hard and you drag me back into your arm.
i hope, i'll find a guy who also give me all that.
Woman says (10:24 PM):oh, i also liked a lot, when you wrote me one email
Woman says (10:25 PM):just to let me know what happened in your life on that day.
Man says (10:26 PM):well I wish you luck in finding that guy
Man says (10:27 PM):also try to keep mole hills, as mole hills, not mountains
the world isn't out to get you
Man says (10:28 PM):your trip was canceled. That's it. That's what happened.
You'll survive without a trip to Africa
Man says (10:29 PM):it's not the end of the world
Man says (10:30 PM):and since we weren't in a relationship, and it was only a faint possibility, I don't see why you'd be upset if I wasn't there to protect you, comfort you, or whatever else you needed
Woman says (10:31 PM):i thought there is no need to bring this up again.
Woman says (10:32 PM):but, when we said bye after watching movie together
i thought it ended in a way, that we both look into a positive light.
we were talking about me taking the 4 days to come over,
maybe you can pick me at the station
Woman says (10:33 PM):once in a while
back then
you were so looking forward for me to do that
you showed me the apartment.
Man says (10:33 PM):ya? I haven't thought in a negative light
I told you you're welcome to come
Woman says (10:33 PM):so lovely so that i can be happy when i go stay with you.
Woman says (10:34 PM):i thought that was thoughtful and sweet of you.
Man says (10:34 PM):I didn't rent this place to make you happy
being with me anywhere, should have done that
Man says (10:36 PM):you've barely been in the country since I left B city
Man says (10:37 PM):so a 4 day weekend hasn't even been a choice
Woman says (10:44 PM):you just would not let our conversation end nice, would you? no matter what i try?
We want to know
1. Your gender, age, relationship status
2. Your analysis of these two persons’ personality. If you can directly link your analysis with quoting their words, it would be better
3. Is the woman too demanding or the man is not sensitive enough?
4. Do you advice these two people to work out problems and try to date each other or they better off find other people?
5. Any other general comment that is helpful in find out how people should deal with gender caused issue in relationship?
