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[Livinginexile]

I don't know...
My work takes me to many places around the world. Australia, Maldives, Koh Samui Qatar, Dubai, Burma and at the moment Cambodia.
On the surface it looks like I have the perfect job working in places most people back home would give their hind teeth to have, but actually I am miserable.
I have a young family in Thailand, I have a 6 year old boy and an absolutely beautiful wife who adores me and I miss them so much.
It was fun in the early days, my wife and son would travel with me, saving money, living on the cheap to save up for our dream of a self sufficient life in Thailand where we can live a simple life and be happy. But now my son is at school age and I can’t drag them all over the place any more.
We have bought the farm, we are building the house, we have plans for a home stay…you know, the usual Thai dream. But the truth is I am miserable.
I am so close to packing it all in and just live on the farm and make the best of it but my head just keeps thinking about the future.
The money WILL run out but my wife tells me “don’t worry we have everything to live here”. But I still worry that we don’t have enough. So I keep on working.
How do other guys here cope with working overseas and trying to manage a family in Thailand?

[thequietman]

my thoughts are very similar to yours. my wife is the same. she tells me dont worry we have enough. i would love to stop working but the fact is I will never be sure of my visa here. who knows what amount they will pull out of their asses next in order to stay here. i am hopefully going to Burma this year to earn double what i get here. but it is a constant worry. i wish thailand would let me stay permanently as I have been married for a long time. however I always get the impression that thailand doesnt want me here and if they could they would banish us all. i pay taxes and contribute to the local economy. i volunteer to help at local schools. it never seems to be enough.
so, I will just keep on working until I feel I have enough and even then it probably wont be.
keep the head up and keep your nose to the grind stone.

best regards.

[Ulysses G.]

Thank God I do not have a family. It is worrisome enough trying to figure out how long the Thais will put up with us without having to worry about a wife and children. I do not envy you family guys as far as all the responsibility.

[PattayaParent]

Get a job that keeps you in one place on a married status contract.

[slapout]

The situation you describe is the down side of a job that requires travel for extended periods of time, no matter what country your family reside in. I made the decision to do as you are doing and then start my own business doing essentionally the same type of work, but at my pace and the money was triple what I made as an employee. Make the proper contacts, take your time, with todays ease of travel, you can live most anywhere and be anywhere in the world within 36 hours. Some couples can survive extended seperation, other can not. Children are also going to have to have the right mind set.

If you can arrange a path as I describe, you working life is shortened, money can be saved , retirement fund built up, and investments made. Thus when you do move to the farm to retire you can have enough to live life and not just exist as so many seem to do just to reside in Thailand.

[StreetCowboy]

It's a right pain in the whatsitsname going through the palaver of a visa for my wife and children.  Their birth certificates are the same this year as they were last year!  It would be nice if the Immigration forms were available with an English translation...

You (OP) might be better asking your question on a maritime or off-shore forum... THere's always been plenty of people have had to work away and learn to cope with it

SC

[samsiam]

I often see fathers away from their kids here for extended periods.

I do not know how they can do it as I could not, I cannot bare to be away from them 1 night.

But I was lucky to not have to choose.

As long as you are not financially independent, keep doing it or change it to a more suitable arrangement. Things will not always stay the same and if shite hits fan....best to be cashed up and employed or employable....no idea what you do, but if you give it up now, will you be able to jump right back in in say 5 or 10 years if needed ??

[onionluke]

It is tough sometimes but you should take the well payed work as long as it is on . I got layed off in 2000 whatever it was ,  due to the financial crisis . I retreated to Thailand and set up a home for my young family . I  was spending my money building a house in the belief that I would be back in employment shortly . I was out for six months  and when I got started again it was day works without bennefits , and I was still working away from the family . There were periods when I was stood down for weeks on end and I was happy to get back to Thailand but the nagging realisation that I should be working was aways at the back of mind . Use the long school holydays in Thailand to work out  travel plans for family times whilst keepimg your nose to the grindstone .
All the best

Luke

[StreetCowboy]

Out of interest, do you think it is any worse working away and bringing up a family in Australia / Scotland / USA / wherever else?  I feel more sorry for all the exptriate single parents I run into, who are trying to maintain a family without the benefit of a 'stay-at-home' parent; often, working in quite precarious circumstances.

SC

[GooEng]

Same boat, same misery, same fears....

Work in Saudi(6 weeks on/3weeks off), two kids(boys 2 and 5), oldest now in international school, second to follow, fed up of Thailand, marriage on the rocks, miss my kids so much when I'm offshore its terrible..... Boo hoo....

Nah, hang on - nobody said life was fair or fun all the time or easy, so i try to remember whats important - my kids.

They deserve choices, chances and of course love and that's why I'm here - to give them that.  If it means a bit of sacrifice or indeed total sacrifice then that's that.

Make the best of the good times(with the kids), try to be a half decent dad and suck up the rest - its all my own doing anyway.....

[StreetCowboy]

letitbe, on 2012-01-15 20:53:20, said:

im confused ive lived here 16+ years with my thai family no problem at all 2 kids lovely wife and all of that. What do you do and I suppose your younger. Ive never had a problem getting my visa each year. Ok im on a retirement visa but could have got a marriage visa any time just decided not to bother. So whats problem is it your to young or not properly married or cant get 400,000 baht needed. If you cant you must have a shitty job. If your not properly married why not. If you are you have choices amongst which is if your worried here jut move your family back home get a job there and dont tell me you cant thats BS.

letitbe, on 2012-01-15 20:53:20, said:

im confused ive lived here 16+ years with my thai family no problem at all 2 kids lovely wife and all of that. What do you do and I suppose your younger. Ive never had a problem getting my visa each year. Ok im on a retirement visa but could have got a marriage visa any time just decided not to bother. So whats problem is it your to young or not properly married or cant get 400,000 baht needed. If you cant you must have a shitty job. If your not properly married why not. If you are you have choices amongst which is if your worried here jut move your family back home get a job there and dont tell me you cant thats BS.

Thanks for the encouragement

SC

[MJo]

letitbe, on 2012-01-15 20:53:20, said:

im confused ive lived here 16+ years with my thai family no problem at all 2 kids lovely wife and all of that. What do you do and I suppose your younger. Ive never had a problem getting my visa each year. Ok im on a retirement visa but could have got a marriage visa any time just decided not to bother. So whats problem is it your to young or not properly married or cant get 400,000 baht needed. If you cant you must have a shitty job. If your not properly married why not. If you are you have choices amongst which is if your worried here jut move your family back home get a job there and dont tell me you cant thats BS.

Problem is that when your in you early 40's or younger you must keep working. Just to put food on the table and to ensure you have the financial means to educate your kids and to be able to retire some day in the future. Visas's i'd not worry, the present arrangement is pretty good and i don't see any issues in the future providing you keep yourself legit and have enough to support yourself and your family.

I'm not offshore but do project work with flight back home every 4 months paid by employer. So i'd take 6 weeks on / 3 weeks off any day. With kids i find it very hard, it eats you up when you can not be with your family. And the funny thing is there is no way out of it on my line of work. I could set something up on my own but i still would need to travel after the projects which are never long enough to justify taking your family with you.

So it leaves me with only one option, to keep looking employment in Thailand that both pays enough and is challenging enough to justify the change from my present employment.

I understand some doesn't desire the family life and responsibilities but still i'd not change a day out of my life so far even if it is not easy sometimes.

[dave111223]

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

[StreetCowboy]

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

I think it varies from person to person.  I don;t think I could give my bairns a better start than to keep them at the school that they're at.  For those of us who are airlinme pilots or maritime navigators or mercenaries, working from home is not an option...
I suppose I could take up knitting
SC

[zzaa09]

StreetCowboy, on 2012-01-15 20:47:27, said:

Out of interest, do you think it is any worse working away and bringing up a family in Australia / Scotland / USA / wherever else?  
SC

Probably not, when you measure everything up comparatively.

[onionluke]

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

But don't forget the following ; " Money disnae grow on trees"  ,  "A man has got to do what a man has got to do"
and "Welcome to the new capitalism" .

[StreetCowboy]

onionluke, on 2012-01-15 21:41:14, said:

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

But don't forget the following ; " Money disnae grow on trees"  ,  "A man has got to do what a man has got to do"
and "Welcome to the new capitalism" .

We're not all the best at everything, and sometimes, the best thing you're good at is your job.  Some of us are better at chasing wildebeeste for miles over the Savannah, or selling vacuum cleaners, or whatever it is that we do, than playing with our bairns,  When I came home every night, the bairns never came running out to meet me - we would all love to spend just the right amount of time with our children, but maybe for a father too much is worse than not enough?

Where I really worry about is the bairns independence.  WHen I am not there to go and find them / dig them out the swamp / bail them out of jail, I feel my wife is much more protective.

SC

[StreetCowboy]

GooEng, on 2012-01-15 20:52:51, said:

Same boat, same misery, same fears....

Work in Saudi(6 weeks on/3weeks off), two kids(boys 2 and 5), oldest now in international school, second to follow, fed up of Thailand, marriage on the rocks, miss my kids so much when I'm offshore its terrible..... Boo hoo....

Nah, hang on - nobody said life was fair or fun all the time or easy, so i try to remember whats important - my kids.

They deserve choices, chances and of course love and that's why I'm here - to give them that.  If it means a bit of sacrifice or indeed total sacrifice then that's that.

Make the best of the good times(with the kids), try to be a half decent dad and suck up the rest - its all my own doing anyway.....

If you're not happy with Thailand, why not move the family somewhere else?

[zzaa09]

onionluke, on 2012-01-15 21:41:14, said:

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

But don't forget the following ; " Money disnae grow on trees"  ,  "A man has got to do what a man has got to do"
and "Welcome to the new capitalism" .

It might be easier on the the soul to live within your means. Attempting to exist far beyond will mean trouble and headaches.

[StreetCowboy]

zzaa09, on 2012-01-15 22:05:28, said:

onionluke, on 2012-01-15 21:41:14, said:

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

But don't forget the following ; " Money disnae grow on trees"  ,  "A man has got to do what a man has got to do"
and "Welcome to the new capitalism" .

It might be easier on the the soul to live within your means. Attempting to exist far beyond will mean trouble and headaches.

Exactly.  We live within our means, which means maintaining our means.  No-one wants to live in poverty, which I have always interpreted as "less than I have now"

SC

[onionluke]

zzaa09, on 2012-01-15 22:05:28, said:

onionluke, on 2012-01-15 21:41:14, said:

dave111223, on 2012-01-15 21:27:12, said:

I work from home which allows me to see my son and daughter all day, every day; wouldn't change it for the world...certainly wouldn't "give my hind teeth" to go months without seeing them.

Forget the job; you will never get this time back, better to live poor and be with ones you love...

But don't forget the following ; " Money disnae grow on trees"  ,  "A man has got to do what a man has got to do"
and "Welcome to the new capitalism" .

It might be easier on the the soul to live within your means. Attempting to exist far beyond will mean trouble and headaches.

I agree . I may not be the quintessential cheap charlie , but on the other hand  I try not let consumerism govern my life . Never have . I was and continue to be a proud  " midden racker"  as was the call back in the day . Still got to go to work though .

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Ulysses G., on 2012-01-15 19:39:13, said:

Thank God I do not have a family. It is worrisome enough trying to figure out how long the Thais will put up with us without having to worry about a wife and children. I do not envy you family guys as far as all the responsibility.

Wives and children tend have Thai nationality.  So not much of an issue.

Interesting OP.. I'm in the opposite position: living with wonderful wife and two children in Chiang Mai, but not making the money I would make working almost anywhere else..   Maybe we can swap.   What line of work are you in?

[StreetCowboy]

I choose to base my home in Thailand becuase of the quality of the international school that the children are at.  How many other expats choose to base themeselves here, when they have the choice, and do not have family reasons that specically dictate residence here?

SC

[ludditeman]

I worked until I had a pension.
Then I moved to Thailand
Then I married a Thai lady half me age.
Then we had children.

Not exactly rocket science, and I'm with them 24/7.
You just rushed things a bit.

[Darrel]

thequietman, on 2012-01-15 19:27:38, said:

however I always get the impression that thailand doesnt want me here and if they could they would banish us all. i pay taxes and contribute to the local economy.

You are right.

I'm on a retirement extension and have no delusions at all.

The day they no longer want my money is the same day they will stop extending my visa.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is dreaming.