You have heard the common theme here, Run, don't walk away. You are hearing from people that know of what they speak. You are in her country do you think you will win? This will warp your mind, trying to get what you think you deserve. The best you can do is to get your life together as quickly as you can. The worst you could do is keep trying to deal with her in anyway.
I was getting a divorce not even a bad one. We had a shared house and some cars. It was dragging on, a good friend said," give it all to her." I did it was the best possible move all kinds of new things opened up for me. Clear your head and fly away. Create something good.
Good Luck,
Craig
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Big Big Problem In Little Thailand
Started by Scully, 2012-01-19 19:20
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42 replies to this topic
#27
sezze
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-26 06:10:30
i'm really sorry for what happen to you. You haven't post for a while, have you found a solution to your problem ? From what you said, it's clear that the "farm" can't run without you. There was nothing before you arrive and after you left your gf wasn't able to maintain the same standard or stop her relatives to steal (I can't find a better word) your livestock. You said you've been away for long, how long ? Have you maintain regular contact with your gf and gave her a clear date for your return ? If I want to play the devil advocate, I would say that if your gf realizes she can't manage the farm by herself and has no clear date for your return, maybe not even sure you will come back, it's understandable she's looking for a new "manager" for her farm. I say that because if you split, you will probably lose everything. It cost nothing to make sure that all that is not based on a misunderstanding. That's exactly why i stated before , there are always 2 sides of the story . How many times i've witnessed breakup supposed to be all the fault of the Thai girl , while in fact many times , the guys could not keep his pants on with other girls , or rather drinks all night etc etc . I'm not saying that a case where the Thai girl is real bad does not happen ... i'm only saying that there are 2 sides of the story and we heard only a short version of the farang side . All of us say ... work it out or lose everything ... there are not a lot of ways in the middle . #28
IsaanAussie
Aussie Battler Posted 2012-01-26 15:13:50
Scully,
Sorry to hear of your problem. Not that I can draw any direct comparisons to your situation but I do have a lazy set of relatives here and could imagine the condition of my sty operation without me here would be much the same as you encountered upon return. Unfortunately it is all too common here especially in labour intensive, repeditive situations. When the cat is away as they say. You are the only one who can decide which way to go if the situation is not reconcillable and I wish you well. Personally, I would be concentrating on the relationship with your wife first. Many of my plans have been delayed or stymied by those around us and luckily my wife and I have managed to maintain our relationship. That doesnt mean I don't get angry or sit under a tree and say Mai Pen Rai in true Thai style. Put whatever means most to you as your priority. IA #29
grimleybob
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-27 06:12:31
Scully, Sorry to hear of your problem. Not that I can draw any direct comparisons to your situation but I do have a lazy set of relatives here and could imagine the condition of my sty operation without me here would be much the same as you encountered upon return. Unfortunately it is all too common here especially in labour intensive, repeditive situations. When the cat is away as they say. You are the only one who can decide which way to go if the situation is not reconcillable and I wish you well. Personally, I would be concentrating on the relationship with your wife first. Many of my plans have been delayed or stymied by those around us and luckily my wife and I have managed to maintain our relationship. That doesnt mean I don't get angry or sit under a tree and say Mai Pen Rai in true Thai style. Put whatever means most to you as your priority. IA Wise words as usual from the Sage of Sisaket #30
RedBullHorn
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-27 08:17:40
Thanks for the replies apart from the one where she worked hard let her have it. I came back to a @$%^ pit. I have worked for four months clearing overgrown weeds (in winter with no rain) it is now 2 rai of soil. I restocked the pond because they ate the 1000 fish I wanted to grow to full size but no they take four and eat profit. I left with 60 chickens and many chicks, return to none as half a kilo of rice was too expensive to keep them. I am 38 she is 32 and she has lived in the UK with me but as soon as the house was paid for it all changed. You read stories of OH mine is different, that's what I thought, she would go shopping with my mum and make sure mum carried nothing etc etc. Beware I chose a girl who was not in the sex industry,no tattoos she wouldn't even shout across the street as it's "not a nice thing to do". Stunned absolutely stunned. Scully, may i ask you how old you are? Your points are so ridiculous about your pigs, chickens and chicks. You should know now that girls don't have to have Tattoos to identify them as bar girls, or other sex workers. It seems to me that you're staying in the northeast, so please read my story: I moved to this country ten years ago, well I guess I wasn't that naive as you obviously are.I used to live one year in my wife's village trying to understand this country better. Women were offering me money to find a "foreign husband" for her, offering me 50,000 baht. They usually hang a Buddha around their neck, send them to a tourist destination and are aware that all they can sell is their Pu..aeeh body. Some of them do come back being married to a foreigner, some even send money every month to support her, not knowing of her kids and her Thai gig. You were right, you can't be a legal pig farmer in this country, but if you're thinking to sell the pigs, take the money and run you might be seriously wrong. You could have an "accident" and some of your pigs will be slaughtered after your death to make a Tamboon for you. It's really time for you to wake up to realize that Thai women aren't that far away from other nationalities. If your woman isn't a bar girl and you could communicate with her, so where did she learn English first hand? At school? I pretty much doubt it. About your elephant in your "Avatar', I'd reckon to get in touch with an International organization to get your Chang back where it was. In addition I'll have to tell you that some more Thais now might think that all foreigners do have a mental problem. Why don't you just go back to your country of origin, get some education and come back later........  Either you're blind or ............ OP posted he's 38 and she's 32. I think you should learn the analytic mind from poster #20 or shut your gap if you've nothing better to say. Where's the DISLIKE button when i needed it ~ #31
witchhunter
Newbie Posted 2012-01-28 14:42:09
Beware I chose a girl who was not in the sex industry,no tattoos she wouldn't even shout across the street as it's "not a nice thing to do". Stunned absolutely stunned. Hi, sorry about your troubles. I used to have a girlfriend, Mint my nickname, met her in Patong as a fresh novice to a massage business, less than a month in Patong, not speaking English at all. She was really very sexy and I slipped in love, dreaming to marry her. She was making me REALLY happy. Somehow, in time (about a year) by pressure from her relatives and due to my absence back to work she turned from her big affections to me to seeking of money. In part, she was asking 2M Baht as mother milk for marriage. It changed my attitude to marriage, yet I was loving her deeply. There were also problems with German Embassy as they twice rejected our applications for a tourist visum. At last, when I was in Germany for 3 months she managed to find another guy, some wealthy Italian, a banker, and decided to stay with him. All my donation to farm land for her and our future family, as well as other considerable sums just gone. However, I do not complain. I was in love and it gave me so much energy and motivation to earn more money that I have managed to get funds for next 3 years of my project. We met finally in Bangkok when she came to look at my next girlfriend. I believe she was sorry about her betray and jealous (?) to another girl. I never told her anything about to return money and was as nice as possible. So, she introduced me to her best friend, a very pretty girl, and in a short while I married her. Sorry about that girl I stayed before. She was a very good person and a hot lover. I guess, in part it was my desire to make my ex-girlfriend Mint to regret about her betray that I decided to take her best friend for a wife. And indeed, Mint regrets. Once she was crying that it is all my fault that she did not marry me but another guy instead. My fault is her opinion: I did not tell her that I have at least some savings enough to stay in Thailand. I married my wife in a cold blood calculations, not being in love but we are happy now and I love my Mistress more and more in time as we stay together. With my wife we are calling to Italy once a year to send our greetings for a birth day of Mint. Strange enough, my wife and Mint not anymore friends. She never calls my wife. As for my present wife, I did following: I gave her all my money. I do not care about money or I try not to care about money. I can earn more, if I need and I always was very modest in my life stile. If I spent any big sums, that were on young and pretty girls and I never regret about it. What can be another purpose of life if not to stay with a pretty and loving girlfriend and a wife? So, my advising, do not fight for money. Be generous, be a man. Make your girlfriend to regret about loosing you. #32
tombkk
It's a cultural thing Posted 2012-01-28 15:15:32
As a matter of principle, one should only invest money in other people's names that one is willing to lose. Trust is a good thing, and love often makes on trust more that is warranted, though.
Another fact is that the school of life is not free. In my book, the OP just paid a tuition fee. There are warnings all over the internet, and I feel sorry for him to have lost this money, but there he is. As for using poison or violence and "not go down without a fight", I think this would not help anybody and is a rather immature way of dealing with it. Life's a game, and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You don't want to be a bad loser. #33
IsaanAussie
Aussie Battler Posted 2012-01-28 21:45:28
I have been here for only 13 years and am still in "school" on the cultural divide. I have spoken to the OP by phone and we have chatted on the side lines of this forum. I have read and listened to many Western viewpoints on this situation. So let me venture this to everyone who has contributed to this thread. Our personal values are not the same as Thais. I stay here not because is maximises my personal situation, but with the person I have chosen and spend my life with and it is the only place she needs to be. I am as guilty as anyone else of trying to "help" the family under my terms, terms they neither understand or would agree with even if they did. Of being angry when my great ideas are not followed through because it conflicts with the Thai desire to enjoy life regardless of who is filling the rice bowl.
Put it all to one side, ask yourself one question, why are you really here? Life goes on. Materialistic values, process and observance are not prime motivational issues here in Isaan, its about family and enjoyment not money. If there is a will there is a way. Lose the will, there is no way. I personally do not believe anyone can afford to invest in anything they are not prepared to fight for. Equally an investment is a considered and planned placement of resource and not a blind plunge to satisfy a physical need that seems a good idea at the time. Find the real fault guys, to often it is ours. #34
tombkk
It's a cultural thing Posted 2012-01-28 22:00:12
I personally do not believe anyone can afford to invest in anything they are not prepared to fight for. Equally an investment is a considered and planned placement of resource and not a blind plunge to satisfy a physical need that seems a good idea at the time. Find the real fault guys, to often it is ours. I agree to what you said, but I want add that the fight is the fight for the relationship, making it work. It is not the fight in the sense of destruction and violence as someone suggested. #35
JurgenG
Super Member Posted 2012-01-29 20:17:54
I personally do not believe anyone can afford to invest in anything they are not prepared to fight for. Equally an investment is a considered and planned placement of resource and not a blind plunge to satisfy a physical need that seems a good idea at the time. Find the real fault guys, to often it is ours. I agree to what you said, but I want add that the fight is the fight for the relationship, making it work. It is not the fight in the sense of destruction and violence as someone suggested. "Before you embark on a journey of vengeance, dig two graves" #36
grimleybob
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-30 05:23:28
I personally do not believe anyone can afford to invest in anything they are not prepared to fight for. Equally an investment is a considered and planned placement of resource and not a blind plunge to satisfy a physical need that seems a good idea at the time. Find the real fault guys, to often it is ours. I agree to what you said, but I want add that the fight is the fight for the relationship, making it work. It is not the fight in the sense of destruction and violence as someone suggested. "Before you embark on a journey of vengeance, dig two graves" Confusius I believe. I don't know who said ithis one but I quote "revenge is a dish best served cold" PS just found out it's French "la vengeance se mange très-bien froide " Edited by grimleybob, 2012-01-30 05:31:13. #37
necronx99
. Posted 2012-01-30 05:31:24
Assuming that your relationship, such as it is is over.
You have said that the farm had reached break even, so I assume you personally have recouped the original investment? The farm is now hers, always has been in any event. Just how much are these dozen pigs worth? #38
yamcha
Member Posted 2012-01-30 08:30:56
PS just found out it's French "la vengeance se mange très-bien froide " In French we'd rather say "La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid." 
#39
IsaanAussie
Aussie Battler Posted 2012-01-30 14:37:24
I am more concerned with the relationship pain than who owns the grave digging shovel regardless of the language. Scully I feel for you.
#40
somo
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-31 22:37:23
Not sure if it was luck or judgement but I have been happily married for 15 years and we divide our time between Bangkok and our village house. In this time I have learned there is a difference between the house itself and the land. My advice is to walk away but if you really want to make an issue of it and you paid for the house then you are entitled to destroy it if you wish. Fire or bulldozer depending on what it is made of. This may give you a temporary feeling of satisfaction but it won't last so is not recomended.
If you can steal the pigs and sell them then go for it but make sure you disappear afterwards. Best to put it down to one of life's bad experiences and learn from it. My english lady of 11 years stuffed me for over 400k pounds so you are getting off quite cheaply if you just walk away. #41
monty1412
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-31 23:12:54
Scully, Im sorry to hear this has happened to you not nice in any way. i had a similar thing happen a little bit ago.. i actually found out through the other guy who found out about me and then contacted me to warn me.. we both walked away.
Personally id have those pigs on a truck tomorrow.. you have the advantage of her not knowing you know so you can be creative with your excises. Not sure what ludditeman is smoking but see no sense in just walking away without recovering some monies without repaet without doing anything which exposes you to further action. Chin up...... keep positive and look for the doors that will open to a new life... if you lament the door that has just closed you might just miss the ones that open up. And by the way.. lets not kid ourselves... available and attractive Thai girls are not a rare species in Thailand....make sure you don't as a friend of mine did get stuck in a mindset of putting her on a pedestal.. 'ill never find anyone as nice or she was so special".... your new life awaits.,. march on in Scully. ps full marks to you for having the guts to tell all here and to majority of posters in response Im pleased to see that we all are being supportive and helpful and not being dick heads about this.. #42
Gary A
Titanium Member Posted 2012-02-04 21:02:16
For me it would be a simple thing. I followed the basic rule of never spending more than I could afford to walk away from. I could walk away from what I have invested tomorrow and still have a roof over my head and never miss any meals. I would however, be gutted because of losing my wife. No doubt I would survive but I would lose the most important thing I have. I hope to never have to face that situation. Good luck however it turns out.
#43
billd766
An aged but well preserved member Posted 2012-02-05 21:00:37
For me it would be a simple thing. I followed the basic rule of never spending more than I could afford to walk away from. I could walk away from what I have invested tomorrow and still have a roof over my head and never miss any meals. I would however, be gutted because of losing my wife. No doubt I would survive but I would lose the most important thing I have. I hope to never have to face that situation. Good luck however it turns out. Our 7 year old son is the most important. |
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