Sorry to hear about your situation. I can't see any really good solution in this case, and it might be time to start to think of some more creative solutions to the problem. Do keep in mind your daughter is paramount here, and as someone else mentioned sending her back into a broken situation and letting her think she was rejected by both parents would be devastating. This is not a time to let bureaucracy win out over what is right.
One thing I thought about is send her a registered letter, where you detail in it that you have been unable to contact her by phone, and are just writing to give her the 50 or 100 pounds she asked you for when you last spoke. Also, reiterate that you are happy to keep the child in Thailand for an extra year as discussed and enrol her in a proper school.
Very few people will turn down the money, and the act of accepting the money lends credence to everything else you write in the letter. That helps to establish a written intent on her part unless she responds that this is not what she desires. In any case, if she cashes the check (or picks up the money from Western Union if you can't send a check) and you don't hear anything else from her then you get an implied consent to keep the child for the next year while you can try and decide what to do. Alternatively, if you get a letter or a phone call from her contesting this and asking her what you are talking about, then at least you get to speak with her and can hash out the details of custody. I would try and avoid getting solicitors or social services involved. Let your ex keep getting the tax credits. There is no benefit to your daughter at this stage by beating her mother down, and it could result in a nasty confrontation.
Obviously, it would be better if you could simply contact her and work out something between yourselves. But if she has really become as unreliable as you say, then you might need to resort to a creative solution along this path. If you are going to keep your daughter, and if you have been honest with us here then I think you should, then you need to start considering how you would defend your actions and go about getting your ducks in a row.
This is just something off the cuff. There may be much better stories you can craft, but in my naivete this is the direction I started leaning to.
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Ex-Gf (British) Abandons My British Daughter With Me In Thailand
Started by silentnine, 2012-01-24 19:18
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35 replies to this topic
#27
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-01-27 22:13:28
shes renting a room from my 26yr old daugther not my mother Quote from OP my daughter has lived with her mother since we split in a room rented from my mother in the UK. with my mother assiting her with the upbringing of our daughter Get your story straight man!! Your mother should apply to the local council to have the rent paid directly to her (mother / daughter whoever) with evidence of unpaid rent. That should dry up some of the ex's source of funds. once she is 8 weeks in arrears (next week i understand) then direct payment can be requested. tried the shopping threat already ... met with lots of yes i'm sorry's.. will sort myself out .. then silence... not much point in making a bad situation worse tho.. and if she gets 'done' and my daughter does end up then her mum havingless money (repaying whats claimed wrongly) would make my daighter suffer .. #28
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-02-03 09:17:00
not much in the way of updates .. she has still not reappeared and is now 2 months behind on her rent .
my daugther(big one) in the UK is loath to contact the council to request direct payment of rent as there is a clause that make her liable for repayment of the rent money should my ex ever be found to be claiming it with the wrong inforamtion which as it currently stands she is i think. it making me wonder if i should phone the police in the UK and file a missing persons report really as all her cloths and everything are there so this would mean she has had the sames ones on for nearly 2 weeks ! .. but then agian she has had plenty of state monies to buy new ones if that is waht she is doing ... my daughter (little one here in LOS) still keeps asking why does mummy not call 
#29
Mario2008
Superb Member Posted 2012-02-03 10:59:01
Contacting the police is a decison you need to take yourself. It could help if there comes a case out of this, but it could also hurt your relationship with her further.
#30
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-02-03 13:54:04
Contacting the police is a decison you need to take yourself. It could help if there comes a case out of this, but it could also hurt your relationship with her further. yup damned if i do and damned if i dom't #31
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-03-15 23:46:01
all of a sudden she has now started calling everyday .
i suspect she has had her tax credit renewal forms so now she is thinking of the money #32
Bangkokhatter
Senior Member Posted 2012-03-16 00:33:14
so she is back in contact and all you mention is tax credits....no mention of what she has said to her daughter etc...you have not mentioned anything about sorting out the situation regards custody etc... seems you just want to let us all know what a bad woman she is, sorry but there's enough posters here already moaning about bad ladies
#33
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-03-16 00:46:27
so she is back in contact and all you mention is tax credits....no mention of what she has said to her daughter etc...you have not mentioned anything about sorting out the situation regards custody etc... seems you just want to let us all know what a bad woman she is, sorry but there's enough posters here already moaning about bad ladies as far as what was said between them .. lots of grunts, groans, barking dog immitaions, not a lot else ,, and i'm not joking ! not really a lot of any relavence. as far as sorting anything out .. the only reply i got to 20 questions was a reply of 'don't be like that' its now more of a matter of finding out if there is no custody arrangment in place and i am concerned about sending her back to the uk, can i keep her here or is it kidnaping,.. at least for the time being until i could see she was able to offer a stable enviroment #34
theblether
Platinum Pedigree Best Behaviour Blether Posted 2012-03-16 01:15:42
OK....I've just read all of the replies and I am a UK national with a little knowledge of the law.
First of all, your financial concerns about your ex are nothing to do with you. Drop the subject, you're wasting your time. The Childrens Act comes into play here, your ex can make a plausible case that she has been a good parent as she has allowed your daughter to visit you for a considerable period of time. The child must be returned to the UK in a timely fashion, do not take the risk of having a court order made against you for abduction in any sense. Your ex will find it relatively easy to get a court order if you refuse to return the child. The court will give you effectively no leeway on this matter, the UK is probably the strictest country in the world in this regard. You need to sift through all of the irrelevant flannel and get to the root of this problem. Does your ex want the child or not? If she says yes, then you will have to accept that, end of story. You will find it well nigh impossible to get the court to agree to vary custody in your favour. The only way you will be able to effect change if is the child is subject to potential harm by your ex.......the threshold to prove this is very high. The court will only listen to issues of child welfare, they are not interested in your ex reneging on sending you money. They will not consider that to be of sufficient import in the overall picture. They will see a mother who is prepared to allow the daughter to travel overseas, to visit her father, and to have a right to family life with the father. You will find it difficult to undo that view. This does not understate your rightful distress about the current situation, and the emotional distress being felt by your child. However you should count yourself lucky for what you do have, there are many men who would not believe their luck in having their child for such a long stay in Thailand. In fact most men would count themselves lucky to ever see their child being allowed to visit Thailand. Go take a long hard look at this, my advice for you is to keep the boat steady, be thankful for what you have, and don't cause a fire storm through anger. The chips are weighted heavily against you, I suggest you make sure that your daughter is very secure in her relationship with you and avoid condemning her mother, all you will do is confuse her no end. If it ends up over the course of the next few years that your relationship is confined to these relatively lengthy stays then be thankful for that. Sorry for being abrupt, but if you got into a UK lawyers office you would be told effectively the same thing. ps Whatever you do don't contact the police, you will lose heavily by doing that. If you give your ex an indicator that you are attempting to keep the child in Thailand you will find the courts ordering her back forthwith, and you will have to rely upon the goodwill of the mother to ever see her in Thailand again. Edited by theblether, 2012-03-16 01:37:39. #35
silentnine
Senior Member Posted 2012-03-16 22:00:20
OK....I've just read all of the replies and I am a UK national with a little knowledge of the law. First of all, your financial concerns about your ex are nothing to do with you. Drop the subject, you're wasting your time. The Childrens Act comes into play here, your ex can make a plausible case that she has been a good parent as she has allowed your daughter to visit you for a considerable period of time. The child must be returned to the UK in a timely fashion, do not take the risk of having a court order made against you for abduction in any sense. Your ex will find it relatively easy to get a court order if you refuse to return the child. The court will give you effectively no leeway on this matter, the UK is probably the strictest country in the world in this regard. You need to sift through all of the irrelevant flannel and get to the root of this problem. Does your ex want the child or not? If she says yes, then you will have to accept that, end of story. You will find it well nigh impossible to get the court to agree to vary custody in your favour. The only way you will be able to effect change if is the child is subject to potential harm by your ex.......the threshold to prove this is very high. The court will only listen to issues of child welfare, they are not interested in your ex reneging on sending you money. They will not consider that to be of sufficient import in the overall picture. They will see a mother who is prepared to allow the daughter to travel overseas, to visit her father, and to have a right to family life with the father. You will find it difficult to undo that view. This does not understate your rightful distress about the current situation, and the emotional distress being felt by your child. However you should count yourself lucky for what you do have, there are many men who would not believe their luck in having their child for such a long stay in Thailand. In fact most men would count themselves lucky to ever see their child being allowed to visit Thailand. Go take a long hard look at this, my advice for you is to keep the boat steady, be thankful for what you have, and don't cause a fire storm through anger. The chips are weighted heavily against you, I suggest you make sure that your daughter is very secure in her relationship with you and avoid condemning her mother, all you will do is confuse her no end. If it ends up over the course of the next few years that your relationship is confined to these relatively lengthy stays then be thankful for that. Sorry for being abrupt, but if you got into a UK lawyers office you would be told effectively the same thing. ps Whatever you do don't contact the police, you will lose heavily by doing that. If you give your ex an indicator that you are attempting to keep the child in Thailand you will find the courts ordering her back forthwith, and you will have to rely upon the goodwill of the mother to ever see her in Thailand again. |
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