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[gay4who]

Having been here a few months and tried to meet more gay Thais I have become familiar with how they operate. I dont go to Gay clubs or Bars in Bangkok, Pattaya or Phuket so maximising staying away from Money boys. But I have found it necessary to ask them at the beginning if they are Moneyboys or looking for money because there  are some who have an agenda but dont reveal it. 'The common phrases" I am not a money boy but can you help me", " I want someone to take care me", i even met a gay guy who was so keen to stay with me one night because he had nowhere to stay, reluctantly I agreed and the next day he demanded money or said he would go to the police and tell them I "did bad things to him" .
I have learnt my lesson about the deception of gays in Thailand and now try to meet Non Thais.

Edited by gay4who, 2012-01-25 11:52:33.

[Ijustwannateach]

Unfortunately, new foreigners are magnets for these types of people in Thailand.  The sooner you learn a bit of Thai language, the easier it is to fend them off.  Experience also helps.  For those who have actually learned their English through education, the vocabulary and use are VERY different from those who learned it 'on the game'.  Your current approach (avoiding all Thais) is a bit extreme; however, it is a good habit to avoid all Thais who indicate a financial need from the get-go.  As you mention, they will not always advertise themselves blatantly as 'for sale', but you will (are in the process of) learning the signs.

[isanbirder]

Most of those who target farangs will be on the game;  not all work through bars.  It will take you time to learn, but don't let a few bad experiences put you off.  There are plenty of non-commercial Thai gays who are rewarding to know.

[tombkk]

A few months still means you are new in town. You'll learn with time to tell the difference. Of course, it also depends on where you go. I have many Thai gay friends, and they are not in the game.

One idea is to hook up with farangs who have been here for a while, and let them and their Thai friends show you around. When I still went out to bars a lot, OTK was the area to go, and Silom to be avoided.

By the way, this is not gay specific, straight people have the same problem telling the difference between girls with financial vs real interests. As IJWT said, the English vocabulary and grammar is often a giveaway.

Anyway, good luck and welcome to Thailand!

[quattro19]

just curious,  if u not into scene,   where do u meet these guys?
im also looking to meet the non-scene , professionals ones.

[beano2274]

A few English guys who I know only go with guys of certain ages, as they go on about the younger ones fleecing them. Maybe try that angle.

[Ijustwannateach]

If you're really looking for someone who's probably relatively mature and well-employed, hit a trendy entertainment area- a pub or a nightclub or restaurant where it's all groups of Thais who are buying more expensive drinks (possibly wine or imported spirits) and then look around with gaydar on and social skills deployed.

In this case, it would be better to go to places that were not specifically 'gay' bars, which typically go for volume rather than high margins.

[tombkk]

quattro19, on 2012-01-27 08:20:07, said:

just curious,  if u not into scene,   where do u meet these guys?
im also looking to meet the non-scene , professionals ones.

As IJWT said. Gays mix with straight people, I think the invention of "gay bars" and "gay discotheques" and "gay restaurants" is an import from the West. Thai society is much more separated along social classes than sexual orientation.

That said, there are gay bars catering Thai people, as least in Bangkok, and the farang is the odd guy out. I recommend going there with Thai friends though, as people do come in groups. I will assume that most people there are not into money, and you will have to be good-looking if you want to meet someone!

[jaizan]

Ijustwannateach, on 2012-01-25 13:55:52, said:

Your current approach (avoiding all Thais) is a bit extreme; however, it is a good habit to avoid all Thais who indicate a financial need from the get-go.

There are various alternative ways of dealing with this:
1 Only data people without financial needs.
2 Understand the going rate in case you decide you do need to pay them (1500 overnight should easily be enough)
3 Negotiate prices up front

[gay4who]

One word for Thai  Young men.. Deception. , I have seen and heard how they operate, Of course sometimes its the bleeding heart story , "money for my school" or "my family".
The best thing to do is say no and if they make any sort of threat , tell them to"go ahead" "bring it on" and F**k off. Dont be scared by their threats they are often lowlife and deserve nothing , If they want to go to the police let them try, they wouldnt dare. Only thing to be sure of is their age , If in any doubt check their ID card and make sure they are at least 18

Edited by gay4who, 2012-01-29 09:00:06.

[tombkk]

gay4who, why so negative suddenly? Your OP was a legitimate question, your last post a judgement.

Since you have been here for only a few months, this sounds like the second phase of culture shock to me. (Google for the four phases of culture shock.) Once you get the hang of the country (in a few months) all will look better. The first year is always the most difficult.

[Suradit69]

Quote

Having been here a few months and tried to meet more gay Thais I have become familiar with how they operate. I dont go to Gay clubs or Bars in Bangkok, Pattaya or Phuket so maximising staying away from Money boys. But I have found it necessary to ask them at the beginning if they are Moneyboys or looking for money because there are some who have an agenda ...

On the other hand, one could ask what your agenda is. Are you here on holiday, for work, retired or drawn generally to Thai guys?

Making a major, possibly not applicable generalization, most farang in Thailand are fairly well off and most younger Thais who they stand much chance of meeting in casual situations are decidedly poor. If you are fairly young, good looking (beauty being in the eye of the potenital beholders), and in venues that cater to middle-class, upper-class Thais, then the opportunity to meet someone not looking for your money improves.

If you aren't particularly attractive, but expect to have sex for free with some stunning Thai guy, how likely is that? You and whoever you meet have to bring something comparable to the table (or wherever). Otherwise you'll need to balance the equation with cash. Probably the "rules" are the same in your home country, which brings us back to the original question ... why did you decide to come to Thailand and what were you expected would be different here from anywhere else?

[Suradit69]

gay4who, on 2012-01-29 08:59:29, said:

, tell them to"go ahead" "bring it on" and F**k off. Dont be scared by their threats they are often lowlife and deserve nothing ,

And yet "it" isn't on offer to you for free. The mystery deepens.

[Ijustwannateach]

Seems to me OP is bitter because he's going through a fairly early eye opening about the 'touristy' scene here.  There's a lot not to like about it.  However, OP, it gets back to this:  you're the common denominator in all these guys you chose to go home with, and if you keep choosing them the same way, you're going to get the same results.  They're not going to change for you.  Several people on this thread have made some good recommendations about how you might try changing your choices, and the ball's in your court about whether you'll work on that or not.

Maybe, like many of us, you used to be a tourist- and maybe at that time you were even younger then, and without realising it your options here (and everywhere) were a bit better, because you were younger and more interesting to the group you are seeking here.  Maybe when you were a tourist and the money you had with you seemed like 'cheap' money, cutting a few corners by spending liberally on the party scene and attracting parasitic types didn't seem to be as threatening to you.  I've seen these effects and the reactions to moving here change a number of people.  I was adrift myself for awhile here after I had figured out how to see past the tourist scene, but it helped me get to a better place.

I will tell you this, though:  there's no reason- no reason at all- that you shouldn't be able to date and socialise with perfectly decent people who aren't after money from you- unless you can't stop yourself.  I'm not saying you're going to get people decades younger than you, or that if you're physically in bad condition or have other 'issues' that it doesn't matter- but you will have to take responsibility for deciding what you have to offer and what you can reasonably expect in return for that (and I'm not talking about money specifically here, but far too many foreigners prefer to remain in delusion about themselves by substituting it).  But that's reality- isn't it?  That's what you would have to deal with no matter where you are.  Did you think somehow Thaliand wasn't a real place?  Some people don't want it to be, and that's why they try to keep themselves in an unreal bubble here of some type or another.

I would caution you that there are many desperate people out there, and if you are threatened it is something to take seriously- and primarily as a reason to consider changing your practices.

[jaizan]

Thailand presents some terrific opportunities to enjoy the company of other very attractive men.  All that's needed is a little thought & some understanding of how things work.

There's a lot of great advice posted above, well worth reading.

Edited by jaizan, 2012-01-29 18:48:53.

[tombkk]

Maybe the OP should tell us about his age and whether he was considered good-looking in his country.

[gay4who]

Ijustwannateach, on 2012-01-29 17:15:55, said:

Seems to me OP is bitter because he's going through a fairly early eye opening about the 'touristy' scene here.  There's a lot not to like about it.  However, OP, it gets back to this:  you're the common denominator in all these guys you chose to go home with, and if you keep choosing them the same way, you're going to get the same results.  They're not going to change for you.  Several people on this thread have made some good recommendations about how you might try changing your choices, and the ball's in your court about whether you'll work on that or not.

Maybe, like many of us, you used to be a tourist- and maybe at that time you were even younger then, and without realising it your options here (and everywhere) were a bit better, because you were younger and more interesting to the group you are seeking here.  Maybe when you were a tourist and the money you had with you seemed like 'cheap' money, cutting a few corners by spending liberally on the party scene and attracting parasitic types didn't seem to be as threatening to you.  I've seen these effects and the reactions to moving here change a number of people.  I was adrift myself for awhile here after I had figured out how to see past the tourist scene, but it helped me get to a better place.

I will tell you this, though:  there's no reason- no reason at all- that you shouldn't be able to date and socialise with perfectly decent people who aren't after money from you- unless you can't stop yourself.  I'm not saying you're going to get people decades younger than you, or that if you're physically in bad condition or have other 'issues' that it doesn't matter- but you will have to take responsibility for deciding what you have to offer and what you can reasonably expect in return for that (and I'm not talking about money specifically here, but far too many foreigners prefer to remain in delusion about themselves by substituting it).  But that's reality- isn't it?  That's what you would have to deal with no matter where you are.  Did you think somehow Thaliand wasn't a real place?  Some people don't want it to be, and that's why they try to keep themselves in an unreal bubble here of some type or another.

I would caution you that there are many desperate people out there, and if you are threatened it is something to take seriously- and primarily as a reason to consider changing your practices.

Well an amazing post, many "assumptions" about me. There have been so called "suggestions" about making friends in Thailand and Bangkok in particular that are maybe from falang with their own "opinions", some helpful others  I will ignore.
Some facts. I am late thirties age , slim and average looking , tall . I am living and working in Thailand as a teacher for almost a year now and I am a qualified professional teacher, not some "TEFL last resort job to live in Thailand" fake teacher. I have lived and worked in other major Asian cities, Beijing , Shanghai and Tokyo and my last partner is from Japan.
I have had contact with gays from those cities and of course there are moneyboys everywhere but as I indicated in my original post some Thailand gays have, in my experience, a unique way of trying to deceive foreign gays, the methods described are in the first post. Whether they are desperate as one poster indicated  because Thailand is relatively poorer  who knows, but I have never been threatened by a gay in another country. The suggestion of  "changing my practices ", well maybe in the land of smiles (often fake ones) it's better to stay clear of the majority of gay Thai strangers.

[necronx99]

gay4who, on 2012-01-30 15:18:12, said:

Ijustwannateach, on 2012-01-29 17:15:55, said:

Seems to me OP is bitter because he's going through a fairly early eye opening about the 'touristy' scene here.  There's a lot not to like about it.  However, OP, it gets back to this:  you're the common denominator in all these guys you chose to go home with, and if you keep choosing them the same way, you're going to get the same results.  They're not going to change for you.  Several people on this thread have made some good recommendations about how you might try changing your choices, and the ball's in your court about whether you'll work on that or not.

Maybe, like many of us, you used to be a tourist- and maybe at that time you were even younger then, and without realising it your options here (and everywhere) were a bit better, because you were younger and more interesting to the group you are seeking here.  Maybe when you were a tourist and the money you had with you seemed like 'cheap' money, cutting a few corners by spending liberally on the party scene and attracting parasitic types didn't seem to be as threatening to you.  I've seen these effects and the reactions to moving here change a number of people.  I was adrift myself for awhile here after I had figured out how to see past the tourist scene, but it helped me get to a better place.

I will tell you this, though:  there's no reason- no reason at all- that you shouldn't be able to date and socialise with perfectly decent people who aren't after money from you- unless you can't stop yourself.  I'm not saying you're going to get people decades younger than you, or that if you're physically in bad condition or have other 'issues' that it doesn't matter- but you will have to take responsibility for deciding what you have to offer and what you can reasonably expect in return for that (and I'm not talking about money specifically here, but far too many foreigners prefer to remain in delusion about themselves by substituting it).  But that's reality- isn't it?  That's what you would have to deal with no matter where you are.  Did you think somehow Thaliand wasn't a real place?  Some people don't want it to be, and that's why they try to keep themselves in an unreal bubble here of some type or another.

I would caution you that there are many desperate people out there, and if you are threatened it is something to take seriously- and primarily as a reason to consider changing your practices.

Well an amazing post, many "assumptions" about me. There have been so called "suggestions" about making friends in Thailand and Bangkok in particular that are maybe from falang with their own "opinions", some helpful others  I will ignore.
Some facts. I am late thirties age , slim and average looking , tall . I am living and working in Thailand as a teacher for almost a year now and I am a qualified professional teacher, not some "TEFL last resort job to live in Thailand" fake teacher. I have lived and worked in other major Asian cities, Beijing , Shanghai and Tokyo and my last partner is from Japan.
I have had contact with gays from those cities and of course there are moneyboys everywhere but as I indicated in my original post some Thailand gays have, in my experience, a unique way of trying to deceive foreign gays, the methods described are in the first post. Whether they are desperate as one poster indicated  because Thailand is relatively poorer  who knows, but I have never been threatened by a gay in another country. The suggestion of  "changing my practices ", well maybe in the land of smiles (often fake ones) it's better to stay clear of the majority of gay Thai strangers.

Firstly, like a lot of these posts, this is not about gays. The same problems are experienced by all.
Are any of these partners your social peers? From your description, your encounters seem to be bar/prostitute oriented.
Do it the old fashioned way, socialize with your peers and see what happens.

[Jingthing]

Speaking as one of the somewhat older set, the suggestion of socializing only with my peers is quite unpalatable.

[necronx99]

Jingthing, on 2012-01-30 15:43:27, said:

Speaking as one of the somewhat older set, the suggestion of socializing only with my peers is quite unpalatable.

I don't see you complaining though..He's 30, how young does he wan't to go.
Peers was meant primarily as social in this context, not age. I would hazard that if he was dating a teacher or other entry level professional he would not be getting hit up or threatened..

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, OP, it seems that I was probably right in most of my 'assumptions'.  I would guess that these prostitutes you are connecting with are in their early twenties?  You probably visited Thailand during your lengthy stay in Asia before you came?  And these guys are threatening you in English, right?

1.  Dating English speakers, check.
2.  Dating guys decades younger, check.
3.  Having been here as a tourist previously, check.

I'm not sure why you think being a 'qualified teacher' matters to this discussion, unless perhaps you are feeling very 'special' and think that this should preclude your having issues in your personal life- because make no mistake, YOU'RE the one who's having issues- you are the one raising complaints about your dating life in the thread, right?

But perhaps instead of offering helpful advice we should simply agree with you.  You are a very 'special' person, of course, and you clearly know all about Thailand and gay people here, and we should listen to you, and yes, it is true that most of the gay guys that *you* (particularly) are meeting are not very good people and *you* (particularly) should stay away from all Thai gays, most certainly.

[jaizan]

Many of us find Thai boys to be charming & adorable. Understanding who want's what is rather straightforward too.

Now, if you're gay & have already concluded Thai males are all deceitful, with the problem all being THEIR fault, the next logical step is for you to move onto one of the 160+ other countries on the planet.

After that, I guess we might as well close the thread?

[jambco984]

I would say try and find something to do in the evenings other than chasing or looking try finding a hobby, play some sports and maybe you will get what your looking for where you least expect it.

That's my 2 bahts worth, best of luck if we haven't lost you already

[tombkk]

gay4who, on 2012-01-30 15:18:12, said:

Well an amazing post, many "assumptions" about me. There have been so called "suggestions" about making friends in Thailand and Bangkok in particular that are maybe from falang with their own "opinions", some helpful others  I will ignore.
Some facts. I am late thirties age , slim and average looking , tall . I am living and working in Thailand as a teacher for almost a year now and I am a qualified professional teacher, not some "TEFL last resort job to live in Thailand" fake teacher. I have lived and worked in other major Asian cities, Beijing , Shanghai and Tokyo and my last partner is from Japan.
I have had contact with gays from those cities and of course there are moneyboys everywhere but as I indicated in my original post some Thailand gays have, in my experience, a unique way of trying to deceive foreign gays, the methods described are in the first post. Whether they are desperate as one poster indicated  because Thailand is relatively poorer  who knows, but I have never been threatened by a gay in another country. The suggestion of  "changing my practices ", well maybe in the land of smiles (often fake ones) it's better to stay clear of the majority of gay Thai strangers.

Maybe the assumptions were made because you were quiet for so long. Thank you for replying back in this topic and giving additional information about yourself!

I think this thread is the continuation.

[isanbirder]

I am sure a lot of Thai gays do not want to meet foreigners.  As simple as that.  Just as many European gays would not want to meet Asians (though how could they resist them?)

A Thai gay who lived near me for some time knew I was gay, but never spoke to me about it.  We were on good neighbourly terms, and indeed he used to talk quite openly with some of MY gay Thai friends. Many of his friends used to visit him, and I even saw some I knew (including a few whom I recognised as barboys).

He didn't want to reveal himself to me, though he clearly knew I was gay.  I respected his wishes, and maintained the friendship on a totally non-sex (non-even talking about sex) basis.  His English, by the way, was impeccable (almost as good as mine).

Not every Thai gay is panting to get in bed with us (if that really needs saying!).