A Cambodian Dowry?
43 replies to this topic
Posted 2012-10-03 10:02:42
I have a very good friend who has been going back and forth to Cambodia doing charity work for a few years. Inevitably he has met a nice girl. I was not supprised when he told me that he plans to mary and do the buddhist wedding, pay a dowry and such and bring her back to Oz. I have done a similar thing with my Thai wife. But when he told me what was expected I was a bit put out. I have googled, read as much as I could about Cambodian wedddings and dowry's but I am no clearer.
So my question to anyone who might be abble to give me a straight answer is this. " How much could or should he expect to pay and what should he expect in the future"?
The Gf works massage. (straight up I am told).
She is in her 30's
She has 2 kids living with mum some where far awa & is divorced..
The asking price for the dowry is AU$15,000.00
The money that is given at the wedding will stay with the mother. About 1000 people will go ( I am told).
My friend really cares for her and they get on great. But I can see that all this is not right, I knew I was ripped when I got married but myself and my friend have no idea what is the go in Cambodia...
Posted 2012-10-03 10:13:19
Dowry is something that should be negotiated, with keeping in mind that she is divorced and already has children.
Also keep in mind that saving face is important, so having a dowry is important to show off.
Posted 2012-10-03 10:41:14
We are going to a wedding in January in Kampong Chhnang, Cambodia. Avery good friend of my wife is the bride.. She is 35 a school teacher and never been married. Her new husband is paying a dowry of 1 million baht. BTW the new husband is a Cambodian national.
Posted 2012-10-03 13:52:31
Dear oh dear.....
Of course they will ask for one...the have nothing to lose by asking..
It's your duty to pay NONE!
There is a gazillion women out there who would kill to marry a foreigner.
Don't you get it ???It's a buyers market!
Regarding the case in question..
A divorced woman with 2 kids is dead in the water as a potetial bride in these lands.
She wouldn't normally demand any dowry from a khmer man.
She is 'damaged goods' so to speak.
Obviously ,a gullible,guilt-ridden farang is a different story.
By the way...I have been married twice here...never paid a dime...and I am not young and/or rich either.
Posted 2012-10-03 16:10:06
Posted 2012-10-03 16:13:28
Posted 2012-10-03 16:30:38
No Children, never married, (Virgin) Parents had paid for uni education.... Then yes.
A$15,000. A big no, they start off with a high number, someone on your mates side should be offering a low figure.
Bearing in mind how children in their later years still do what mama and papa say.............................. I would be heading for the hills if my future wife were part of this "extraction" of money.
Love is blind, but it should not take away commonsense.
Your friend is being treated badly, they have taken all his face if he gives 15K
Edited by tmd5855, 2012-10-03 16:32:23.
Posted 2012-10-03 16:42:29
As your friend is doing charity work in Cambodia, wouldn't he have someone he can trust to provide him insight into what's acceptable in the local cultural practices, taking into account the social status of his proposed new partner? Also paying for food and drink for 1,000 people attending the wedding party? Sorry to say, but it sounds like your friend has lost the plot.
EDIT: I married a Thai woman aged 30 with one child, the topic of dowry was not raised by her or her family.
Edited by simple1, 2012-10-03 16:47:49.
Posted 2012-10-03 19:37:06
why would you pay a dowry when you know you will be the one sending money back home to mom and dad on behalf of your wife
Posted 2012-10-03 19:55:22
A rule of thumb for Cambodia: pay what the wedding will cost. The trick is to keep the wedding costs reasonable. Don't expect to get the money back as you might in Thailand. And just say "No.", if the demands are ridiculous. "$100/person for 500 people? Nope. How about $20?"
Even more than in Thailand, where it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE: marry the girl, marry the family. Keep Mom and Pop (and sisters, brothers, cousins, buffalo) happy, and you will be happy. Just don't be fooled into thinking that it takes $100K...
For the "no sinsot" brigade: even in Thailand it's a fool's paradise; in Cambodia, you will regret it, soon and for the rest of your (married) life.
Posted 2012-10-03 20:00:35
It's all about appearances, especially in Thailand, where you might just get the money back (if the parents aren't greedy). The money lets everybody know that you are a man of substance, at least by their standards, and that the girl is held in high esteem, not just some slut that will run off with the first white face that comes along. Both in Thailand and Cambodia, locals have to pay the dowry. The initial price may be more reasonable for them, but you can get the same deal.
Posted 2012-10-03 20:06:06
Posted 2012-10-03 20:15:27
How much did the first husband pay?
Half that should do it.
Posted 2012-10-03 20:26:18
I've got married by law and postpone the traditional marriage. By time passing I asked my wife whether we should care for the show-up or for ourselves. The decision went for a car and holidays. The family knows well what is up and now, after ten years, they appreciate we are part of family's income warranty instead of a one time pay-off. As mentioned before the "in village/family marriage" is just a useless show-off. How many ladies went through this ceremony x-times? No really need for it.
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Posted 2012-10-04 03:56:44
Mother & father had already died, any further comment?
Edited by simple1, 2012-10-04 04:01:08.
Posted 2012-10-04 04:21:39
Why say no sinsod and later no parents were involved ?
It is like saying you do not buy shoes and later saying you have no feet
Posted 2012-10-04 04:48:03
I said no approach from the family; families do comprise of uncles, brother and sisters etc. I admit I did not know only the parents can negotiate a Sinsod payment.
Edited by simple1, 2012-10-04 05:04:05.
Posted 2012-10-04 07:55:08
I asked him why not ask people he works with and he simply said he at this stage he would rather the organisation not know his business. He has done his nuts but not lost the plot. thanks..
Posted 2012-10-04 07:56:21
Good point, I believe the first marrage my have been arranged.. I will find out.
Posted 2012-10-04 08:00:14
Hope everything works out OK for your friend
Posted 2012-10-04 08:01:39
I have cut and paisted a few replies from my thread to him. He was not reall happy to read them but it did do the job. I agree with most here that there is no need for a dowry but if he can afford a small one, and he can then why not.
So thanks to all who replied it did help my case, I felt like he was getting a little pissed at me for basicly stating the obvious.