[sylvafern]

I have a 16 month old son who's half-Thai (but very light-skinned) who is constantly grabbed, touched, kissed, pointed at, talked about, etc, etc when we're out in public, e.g. shopping. I don't mind if it's just a wave, a game of peek-a-boo, or a comment on how cute he is .... but when he's grabbed, touched, taken out of his push-chair when my back is turned, or is being mobbed by people taking photos of him on their phones it really stresses me out, especially when I've already specifically told someone not to do it (shop assistants are the worst!). Sometimes, in my limited Thai, I attempt to explain the concept of stranger danger, but other times I literally push the person away or keep walking at the same pace and run them over with the push chair (and then feel bad cos they weren't to know they were the 20th person that day to maul him). How do others cope with it? Does it drive you crazy or do you just accept it as part of the culture here?

[britmaveric]

Just culture - thai(s) just show their love of children, especially babies. My niece was mobbed all the time when she was year and half. Keep an eye on things and if you really must do smth then just be polite and be on your way.

[somchai jones]

sylvafern, on 2006-02-16 21:40:48, said:

I have a 16 month old son who's half-Thai (but very light-skinned) who is constantly grabbed, touched, kissed, pointed at, talked about, etc, etc when we're out in public, e.g. shopping. I don't mind if it's just a wave, a game of peek-a-boo, or a comment on how cute he is .... but when he's grabbed, touched, taken out of his push-chair when my back is turned, or is being mobbed by people taking photos of him on their phones it really stresses me out, especially when I've already specifically told someone not to do it (shop assistants are the worst!). Sometimes, in my limited Thai, I attempt to explain the concept of stranger danger, but other times I literally push the person away or keep walking at the same pace and run them over with the push chair (and then feel bad cos they weren't to know they were the 20th person that day to maul him). How do others cope with it? Does it drive you crazy or do you just accept it as part of the culture here?

Perhaps you could put a paper bag over your kid's head when you take it out?

[N&M]

'It', you obviously were an 'it' at some stage.

It also happens with our kids, but never taken out of a pram or anything, the odd photo etc is fine with us and pretty much all have asked first.

The grabbing happens a lot, but my son has learnt to deal with it himself by pulling away or saying something in Thai to them, his mum taught him what to say.

By far the absolute worse place for this is in a market and particulalry jatuJuk market.

You really just have to accept it, they are just showing that by and large as an entire population they love kids. This is the only country that I have been in where people stand up on the trains for kids to sit down. Back home it is always the youngsters that stand up for their elders.

Just be polite, try to ignore it and keep an eye on it and try to teach him how to deal with it rather than you. Not sure what my son says in Thai, maybe 'F..k orf' for all I know.

[Boo]

Have you tried one of those sun/mossie protector nets over the pushchair, so they can look but can't touch.?

Personally I would be freaked out by people grabbing at my child, I don't care how much someone liked kids, babies are defenceless & shouldn't be manhandled by all & sundry. Ask someone to teach you in thai some phrases like "please dont pick him up, I just got him settled" or, "don't touch him, he has the shits" Or else, just take him, put him back in the pram, smile & walk away.

I wouldn't care if they thought you were rude, it's your child, you carried him inside you for 9 months so it's up to you how close someone gets to him, your childs welfare is more important than an strangers feelings right?

[skylar]

My sister and I used to have our hair pulled and our skin pinched in the streets in Bangkok the first year we lived there, and at 11 and 7 years old it was simply weird... but what was more so was that my sister was washed and dressed by a maid at one of her Thai friend's houses that first year... she wasn't even allowed to do her own shoelaces up when she was about to leave

[sylvafern]

It's fine when people are looking and waving just because they genuinely like kids but most often it's because of his skin colour that they're interested. Only my friends with half-Thai or farang children seem to have this problem (or maybe it's that my Thai friends with children don't see it as a problem). When he's just with me, most people think he's full-farang and make the assumption that I can't understand Thai so openly talk about him ... e.g. tell their children "Look Farang! Go and kiss the farang baby", etc (like they've never seen a farang before even though they're shopping in Central!). It's also when I've specifically asked somebody to leave him alone that it really grates me ... e.g. today at the vets one of the vet nurses kept trying to pick him up ... I told her not to about 5 times (and also tried to teach my son to say 'mai ao') but still she wouldn't give up so I had to walk away. The problem is that he is now beginning to get upset about it and become very clingy. At least that's better than openly going with strangers, I guess. What the people who are doing this don't understand is that it teaches kids to be comfortable with strangers picking them up and touching them which could lead to something terrible happening if some weirdo passes by one day.

[Uma~~]

It is just their culture. I wouldn't like it but livingn here we all have to adapt, and I suppose we are uncomfortable because if somebody did that back home then alarm bells would ring.

[N&M]

Chill out Boo, they are not all trying to pull a piece of off our kids to take home as souveniers.

I have 2 children here in Bkk, one boy 4yo and one girl 1yo. They both are white and they both look farang, not Thai at all. One has been on TV and is recognised at times by people.

We get the touching and grabbing regulalry, but it does not bother us so much as that is life here, like it or lump it. I also must say that my kids have never been touched or grabbed roughly by anyone. It is the kind of touch that they gently hold an arm or leg and make the action that they are so cute they could eat them thing.

I must say that we have never had them removed from a pram, nor has anyone ever tried to pick them up without doing the polite hold arms out to ask if it is ok and if the child wants to be held. If not they have always been ok.

I take our kids out everywhere, my son and I go to JatuJuk twice a month, we go shopping and stuff all the time together. I have never had the problems Slyva has experienced and I have been here 3 years with kids. I must also say I have never witnessed it with other kids either to the extent Sylva is saying.

I do totally agree with the reasoning about being strangers and it is sending a different message to what we did back home and was drummed into us as kids regarding strangers etc. I am not sure what to do from this angle, apart from try to explain the difference to them.

[phuketsiam]

My daughter used to get this as well, although the Thai's were more reluctant when me (farang) was around, but they never picked her up without asking first, my wife didn't like it to much, she was worried about catching any germs etc, but was too polite to object strongly, would usually try to make an excuse, strangly enough it was my daughter who would get fed up first and start to resist, they get the message then. Overall I didn't like her to get too much attention, although the Thai's only meant well, I didn't want my daughter thinking she was too beautiful or special, now she's older it happens less and hasn't affected her, so I suppose no harm done.

[cdnvic]

Boo, on 2006-02-17 14:49:22, said:

or, "don't touch him, he has the shits"

I suppose that's doubley effective for keeping women away from hubby when you're out at a club too eh?

cv

[thaibebop]

sylvafern, on 2006-02-16 21:40:48, said:

I have a 16 month old son who's half-Thai (but very light-skinned) who is constantly grabbed, touched, kissed, pointed at, talked about, etc, etc when we're out in public, e.g. shopping. I don't mind if it's just a wave, a game of peek-a-boo, or a comment on how cute he is .... but when he's grabbed, touched, taken out of his push-chair when my back is turned, or is being mobbed by people taking photos of him on their phones it really stresses me out, especially when I've already specifically told someone not to do it (shop assistants are the worst!). Sometimes, in my limited Thai, I attempt to explain the concept of stranger danger, but other times I literally push the person away or keep walking at the same pace and run them over with the push chair (and then feel bad cos they weren't to know they were the 20th person that day to maul him). How do others cope with it? Does it drive you crazy or do you just accept it as part of the culture here?

I know what you mean. All the Thais my wife works with always want pictures of my daughter, or want to see her and talk to her, they buy her things. At first it really freaked me out. They talked about my child as if they were related, which then pissed me off. But, I learned what all this fuss meant and I just try to be patient with them. I have found to be just like them and I say no with smile and maybe a little laugh. That seems to work.

[meemiathai]

sylvafern, on 2006-02-16 22:40:48, said:

I have a 16 month old son who's half-Thai (but very light-skinned) who is constantly grabbed, touched, kissed, pointed at, talked about, etc, etc when we're out in public, e.g. shopping. I don't mind if it's just a wave, a game of peek-a-boo, or a comment on how cute he is .... but when he's grabbed, touched, taken out of his push-chair when my back is turned, or is being mobbed by people taking photos of him on their phones it really stresses me out, especially when I've already specifically told someone not to do it (shop assistants are the worst!). Sometimes, in my limited Thai, I attempt to explain the concept of stranger danger, but other times I literally push the person away or keep walking at the same pace and run them over with the push chair (and then feel bad cos they weren't to know they were the 20th person that day to maul him). How do others cope with it? Does it drive you crazy or do you just accept it as part of the culture here?

What does your thai partner think?

somchai jones, on 2006-02-17 10:21:39, said:

sylvafern, on 2006-02-16 21:40:48, said:

I have a 16 month old son who's half-Thai (but very light-skinned) who is constantly grabbed, touched, kissed, pointed at, talked about, etc, etc when we're out in public, e.g. shopping. I don't mind if it's just a wave, a game of peek-a-boo, or a comment on how cute he is .... but when he's grabbed, touched, taken out of his push-chair when my back is turned, or is being mobbed by people taking photos of him on their phones it really stresses me out, especially when I've already specifically told someone not to do it (shop assistants are the worst!). Sometimes, in my limited Thai, I attempt to explain the concept of stranger danger, but other times I literally push the person away or keep walking at the same pace and run them over with the push chair (and then feel bad cos they weren't to know they were the 20th person that day to maul him). How do others cope with it? Does it drive you crazy or do you just accept it as part of the culture here?

Perhaps you could put a paper bag over your kid's head when you take it out?

I would think putting the baby in a metal cage would be a much better solution. It's much safer.

[mouse]

In the Thai spiriti and with a big smile, I tell them you touch the child 50 baht, I am free!

[BKK90210]

Just tell them
"He's sick ....and if you don't want to get sick too, don't pick him up or touch him"...might be contagious!

[N&M]

Why dont you look at it from a positive angle, that you live in a country that appreciates your kids so much.

I hear this stuff does not happen in Afghanistan or Mongolia, perhaps a move is in order for those if it is to hard to deal with.

[Boo]

N&M, it is up to each parent how they want their child to be handled, the op is obviously not happy with complete strangers grabbing him & removing him from his pram with out permission, your experience is different as you have already said, they ask first or just touch your child lightly, the OP states that it is quite agressive & even when she says no they still do it, so I wont chill out thanks, if you don't mind your kids being touched by strangers then fine, the op does & I wouldn't like it either.

[N&M]

Thats right, each to their own. But just remember this is their country, this is how they express their affection for children. If you do not like it at all, stay home till they are older.

What I have noticed is that it is an age thing. They seem to do it to the very young babies, say up to 2 years old. Then from 2 till 4 it seems to be less and less. After this age and as kids get bigger I see it less and less.

So as my son is 4 and daughter 1, I can see that this is happening. I also know that my kids are not let out of our sight. They are always with one of us or the nanny. So from the perspective of 'the dangers of getting used to strangers' I see more positive sides from it than negative. I think that as the attention peeters out from 4 onwards, this is the age he becomes more independant and now i can teach him about the dangers of talking to strangers to much.

I also see the many benefits, my son is very talkative, he does not mind mixing with people to an extent, helps build his social skills. I also just love the way that in this country if sitting in a restaurant and we are eating and the baby is playing up, some staff will jump in to have a hold and walk around for 10 minutes of peace etc. Admiration of your children is a great thing.

If people were pinching, rather than touching, picking up rather than asking first or doing anything rough with my kids, I would not stand for it. The problem I have is seeing this actually happening. I have friends with kids and this never happens to them, it has never happened to me and we are out a lot as said before and I have never witnessed it happening to any other kids to the extent that OP is stating.

My comment to chill out stands, up to you if you like it or lump it.

[sylvafern]

N&M, on 2006-02-18 20:03:57, said:

Thats right, each to their own. But just remember this is their country, this is how they express their affection for children. If you do not like it at all, stay home till they are older.

Actually, it's my son's country too not just "theirs" - he was born here and is a Thai citizen with a Thai passport so I don't think I'll be moving to Afganistan any time soon!

Like I said (twice already, I think) the well intentioned appropriate gestures of affection are fine. However, a complete stranger coming and kissing my child on the lips (to give another example) is not. You're lucky you haven't had the type of contact I've experienced with your own children. It's not just me that's bothered by this sort of thing ... I have at least three friends with young children who have had their kids taken out of their pushchairs when their backs were turned for a moment ... luckily for them the people who did it had innocent intentions. However, one friend was followed on Silom Road one day by a strange woman who attempted to snatch her baby from the push chair. When she realised the baby was strapped in and she couldn't get him out, the woman ran away.

I don't really think there is an answer to this problem .... staying at home would be impossible and a great shame if it came to that. I think the only way to deal with it is to just try and be polite and make an effort improve my Thai so I can better explain the reasons why I'd rather he wasn't touched.

[bina]

Quote

I do totally agree with the reasoning about being strangers and it is sending a different message to what we did back home and was drummed into us as kids regarding strangers etc. I am not sure what to do from this angle, apart from try to explain the difference to them.

very much a 'western (anglo type) thing:

here in the middle east babies get cheeks pinched, taken out of mommy's arms (usually by old ladies wearing kerchiefs) offerred food etc even if food not appropriate for baby in my eyes;;; and if baby isnt covered enough or covered too much (as littel old ladies think) then theya re covered or unwrapped... i used to walk with son in 'kangaroo carrier' and old ladies were always stopping me and pulling his head out (while on me!!)...

its the kitchy kitchy coooo... syndrome...

when in states my kids did approach strangers (still do) and trust anyone in uniform (here we have soldiers as brothers and sisters of friends etc) and they are grown up teenagers now but i got reprimanded by all family and friends as for being paranoid (this isnt america u know....they would say)... we even leave baby in carrieage parked outside of mini markets sometimes in local areas!!!

most kids when they are sick of the cooing and pinching etc will cry, or kick or whatever and offend the little old ladies (and the young women that also like to coo and pinch) .... and germs... well, any mall or market has germs and if u put your kids in daycare they get germs so the exposure helps prevent the onset of intense colds/flu that 5 year olds get when kept at home until kindergarten age and then are exposed to lots of kids and germs....

[ColPyat]

I actually rather enjoy the attention my son is getting. At least people do still look out for kids.
Last week we were at Siam Paragon, and i let him run around the elevated outside area while having a cigarette. Straight away some poeple held on to the squirt until we signed them that he is not lost and with us.
A not so nice experience recently was on a train where i walked him around the aisle. He stopped at the seat of two western female backpackers, expecting the usual smiles and attention. The only thing he got was a disgusted look and i got a not very friendly request to remove him as he was disturbing their conversation.

[Jasmine]

My first child was born in Thailand and at birth looked more like her dad. She is now very much luk kreung much to my in-laws relief!

After I'd just had her I remember being in hospital thinking I'd given birth to possiblyTHE most beautiful baby on the planet (it's the hormones - when you look back at the photos later you realise all newborns look like sausages)! My charming step-mother in law barged in took one look at the baby and said "what a pity her eyes have only got one level (you know how they like that farang 2 level socket/brow thing) I don't like the name you've chosen cos it sounds Indian and (to me) now you are fat"
Good job I still couldn't move my legs from the epidural


She wasn't the only one who asked me if I was disappointed cos my baby looked Thai! Good job my son was born here in the UK he's so Thai looking, I've been asked loads of times if I'm his childminder or if he's adopted!

Seriously though I think the op has clearly had some bad experiences. It would make me uncomfortable too.

[phuketsiam]

funny how the Thai's want luk krung more than Thai, and people say they are xenophobic!!

[Uma~~]

[quote]She wasn't the only one who asked me if I was disappointed cos my baby looked Thai! Good job my son was born here in the UK he's so Thai looking, I've been asked loads of times if I'm his childminder or if he's adopted!

My mother was dissapointed I looked western.

[skylar]

Jasmine, on 2006-02-22 07:56:44, said:

She wasn't the only one who asked me if I was disappointed cos my baby looked Thai! Good job my son was born here in the UK he's so Thai looking, I've been asked loads of times if I'm his childminder or if he's adopted!

I'm always worrying that this will happen to me if I marry my (Viet) boyfriend.