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[fruittbatt]

In reading through replies to this forum I am impressed by the number of women with determination & commitment, clear goals, ability to express yourselves, a sense of humour, and a great zest for fun. As a relative newbie to the forum I would be interested to hear about you all and your lives (within the limits of an anonymous forum).

I am an early retiree, bit of a recluse, and married to another reclusive farang.

My love affair with Thailand started in 1976, when I visited Ko Samui, along with about 6 other travellers! Back then there were bandits hiding in palm trees on the "remote" bays, waiting to snatch the bags of unsuspecting farangs when we went to swim. We used to take turns to mind each others' stuff.

For several years I had a wholesale import business to Australia from Thailand. Every time we came here on business, we learned a little more Thai and gained insights into Thai daily life and culture.

Retiring here has given us the life we value. The alternative to retiring at 50 in Thailand was to work in Australia until age 70+. Here, I have started work on a Masters' Degree and begun the long-cherished goal of writing a substantial novel. I have also learned conversational Thai and enjoy learning from Thais about their values, beliefs, and families.

I read much more than I ever had time for in our previous life of tropical fruit farming and wholesaling. I also take much better care of my physical and spiritual health, and am able to reflect more deeply, reach out more to family and friends.

Enough about me. How about you?

[Hublet]

Hey There Fruittbatt,

My time in Thailand started surprisingly much the same as you. I moved there with my husband from Australia so that he could retire early to the place he has loved for a long long time. Unfortunately, unlike you, my experience has ended because his wish was based on lies. We originally moved there and opened a Guesthouse. It was running well and business was building quickly. I made a lot of friends learnt to read, write and speak Thai an generally was enjoying the whole lifestyle, culture, foods and fun.

Sadly my husband chose to go the way of many other Farang men and, yep, you guessed it, he has changed our nice Guesthouse into an illegal BJ bar. I was duped. Ten years we were together and it took two years living in Thailand for him to change. So I opened my own business and was gradually getting it up and working and building a clientele. But alas I ran out of money and it became very embarrassing and I was left with no choice but to return home. My husband is still in Thailand as he has told me that his Girls (A Lolitas BJ Bar) and Thailand meant more to him than I did.

[fruittbatt]

Hublet,

this is a very sad, but all too familiar story of betrayal. It must have been especially difficult to have been tricked in business and personally. When we were leaving Australia a psychic woman told me off the cuff ( I did not consult her ) to make sure that I made provision for myself by keeping some real estate in Australia in case things went awry with our marriage in Thailand.

Fortunately there are no signs of anything changing between us. We remain committed and happy. I have seen other marriages fall apart during our time here, mainly because the vain and immature ageing male partner has sought greener pastures with very flirtatious young Thai women.

It must have been very difficult for you to pick up your life in Australia again, and to come to terms with your loss. What are you doing now and what strengths have you gained from this nightmare experience?

[gisele]

I am married to a Thai man, we have a frog farm and and market. I am also a lecturer at the university.

We have 2 children from his previous marriage (his wife passed away) my daughter is 12 and my son is 10. New teenagers are a challenge for a first time mom but that makes my life exciting. I never wanted to have babies so I was lucky that all fell into place.

I garden, cook and I too find I have more time to read for leisure which is a joy.

We go to Samui once in a while for an overdose of Farangland (friends, farang food, movies, magazines) still it makes us appreciate our little corner of heaven even more. Too many people for our taste but it is nice that we can have a change once in a while.

Life is not perfect but we make it work.

I love my life here in paradise.

[LaReina]

Sorry to hear that Hublet.
Fruittbatt, is your buisness still operational?

As for me, I am here in support of my husband. We had this grand illusion about thailand and the things we could/would do. Unfortunatly things have not pan (ed) out the way we thought. He works, and as I refuse to teach English (lets be honest here, I am not trained in the field of education, let alone as a teacher for students learning english as a second language).

So.. I cook, I tried to garden until I realised my seeds had no intention of germinating, and I write stories. .. about life in Thailand. I write about it all, the good the bad and the ugly.

Edited by LaReina, 2006-10-26 15:53:35.

[fruittbatt]

Wow, you are a diverse and interesting crew.....I knew you were.

Giselle & LaReina, hi to you both. Frog farming, teaching at uni too, writing stories, bringing up adopted kids and cooking and planting: I'm impressed.

I salute you all, including Hublet, who has endured some pretty nightmarish stuff and survived to tell her story.

No, LaReina, I no longer do any business. I'm happy not to have to work formally, and I don't miss it a bit.

[Sheryl]

I am also here in a retirement visa but still work 3 - 6 months a year. I'm a public health professional and do short-term consultancies in Cambodia (and occasionally other countries, plus I occasionally advise on the Thai Schools of Public Healthm, but mostly work in Cambodia). I first came to Thailand in 1980 working in Cambodian refugee camps, came for a 3 month volunteer stint and stayed 5 years..then went back and got my mastrers degree and have been working in developing countries since, mostly Cambodia which is almost a second home for me (or third, if you count Thailand as second). I speak fluent Khmer (passable Thai) and have many Cambodian friends as well as a whole adopted "family" -- started with becoming close friends with a ambodian woman my age, gradually got involved in her four children's lives, paid for their schooling etc and am now well established as their auntie. In the case of the daughter (turning 21 next month) it is closer than that, alomost mother-daughter. She is here with me know preparing for exams to try to get into the science program at Mahidol.

As to what I do, when not working...I garden extensively, meditate (Vipassana), deal with never-ending needs & issues from the kids & their extended family, read and currently lookj after 4 stray cats on top of my own permanent one (a mom & her 3 babies).

Like you Fruittbat one of the attractions was being able to semi-retire at a comparatively early age as opposed to working fulltime till I dropped. My house is built & paid for and as long as I work at least 3 months in a year I'm fine without touching my savings. I love the freedom to spend time as I see fit, schedule trips and meditation retreats, and spend time helping the younger generation.

I live in Prachinburi on the south side of Khao Yai, it's lovely rural, quiet, clean air and I have a large house and plenty of peace, quiet and privacy. The only thing I miss is farang women friends as I am the only farang in the area. I get on well with the locals but it's not quite the same. Hence the value of this forum....

[sbk]

I came to Thailand at 23, fell in love and married a Thai man (local to the island we live on). His family owns the bungalow business we run (which is a fairly recent venture and not my own personal choice). I have 5 dogs and an ailing 16 year old kitty. I live directly on the beach (which is nice) but have recently turned 40 and am wondering where my life is going. Family issues have brought me back to the US for a couple of months and issues with my husband's family have made my own family very appealing.

So, all in all, although there are issues and probems of living in Thailand I am not yet sick of it and certainly would never be so tired of it as to leave my husband. I am very fortunate in that I met my soul mate half way round the world.

[Hublet]

Thank you for your words of understanding Fruittbatt and LaReina,

I am in a kind of limbo at the moment trying to piece my life back together again. I did originally do what you suggested and kept what I call "bolt hole money" in case things went bad but stupidly I put all my trust in him and brought it all over to Thailand. Now thats gone too. I had just enough money to get a plane ticket out.

I really did enjoy living in Thailand and my only regret is that I will miss my friends and unfortunately I still love my husband - Pretty silly hey??????

Hey sbk,
I have a cousin who I lost track off some time back and she too lived and married into a family on Ko Pha Ghan. They owned a small bungalow resort on the island, your story is the same (scary huh?)

[LaoPo]

sbk, on 2006-10-26 18:13:20, said:

I Family issues have brought me back to the US for a couple of months and issues with my husband's family have made my own family very appealing.

So, all in all, although there are issues and probems of living in Thailand I am not yet sick of it and certainly would never be so tired of it as to leave my husband.

I am very fortunate in that I met my soul mate half way round the world.

You must be missing your husband very much, sbk, being away for so long. ...must be hard for both of you!

If someone is/becomes around 40 or 'higher up' in age the mind starts boggling, specially if your brain is still young of age.

"Did I make the right decision.....isn't the grass greener next door..." ?

Your life, mixed between the US and KP, is a world of two extremes.

Not easy, because your brain belongs to two worlds: one with a two-party political system as well as the most powerful nation in the world, compared to a rather relaxed but also complicated small community on an island where people don't give a sh_t what's happening in BKK because, in their minds, it's a thousands miles away.....and NOTHING changes.

The problem is that one gets used -again- to the laundry-machine, supermarkets, TV-stations and all the other 'benefits' the Western world offers us.

But, millions of people (even in the US................ ) would envy you living on a tropical island.....despite your so-called 'issues with my husbands family'.

Hmmmmmm..........yes, you are very fortunate.

Bless you!






...and your hubby, of course.



ps: I do not always agree with you

LaoPo

[somchai jones]

Absolutely fascinating thread.
Thanks to all those ladies who have told their stories. I've really enjoyed reading them.

[taxexile]

me too , if only us blokes could articulate our spiritual / inner self sides as well as you ladies.

hublet , sorry to hear about your situation , i think i know of the guesthouse that was , and cant help feeling that its replacement will bring nothing positive at all to the town.

hope your family matters resolve soon sbk , and good luck with the book fruitbatt , you certainly have an engaging writing style.

keep 'em coming ladies.

[gisele]

Sheryl, on 2006-10-26 20:37:35, said:

I live in Prachinburi on the south side of Khao Yai, it's lovely rural, quiet, clean air and I have a large house and plenty of peace, quiet and privacy. The only thing I miss is farang women friends as I am the only farang in the area. I get on well with the locals but it's not quite the same. Hence the value of this forum....

Exactly my feelings, the closest farang female friend I have lives in Surat, so we rarely see each other but we talk about once a week, sometimes 3 even 4 hours. I am so happy when we talk and will be sad when she moves back home next year. Last time she came, I made penne Alfredo with prawns, garlic bread and got carrot cake, truly trying to feel like we were back home for a bit.

My husband doesn't understand my need for farang female friendscompanionship as I have many Thai female acquaintances, but it just isn't the same, not the same connection.

Hublet, I wish you good luck and hope all will turn out well.

Sbk, I hope you are ok, will you be back in December?

[girlx]

Quote

Not easy, because your brain belongs to two worlds: one with a two-party political system as well as the most powerful nation in the world, compared to a rather relaxed but also complicated small community on an island where people don't give a sh_t what's happening in BKK because, in their minds, it's a thousands miles away.....and NOTHING changes.

i haven't been here nearly as long as sbk, but i also live on the same island and am from the US. the way i look at it you have access to the best of both worlds! if one becomes too difficult for you you have the ability to escape to the other.

I have been coming to Thailand for 8 years. initially with my American boyfriend, who also went the farang man route and went off the deep end into the sex tourism... he is still my best friend though as he was honest with me every step of the way. I then had a Thai boyfriend for almost 3 years. it was fascinating to be with him from a cultural perspective, but on an economic/education level we were not well matched. since we broke up I have been living in thailand on my own; i have a (rented) house in the jungle not far from the beach, one dog i have raised since she was tiny (and 2 that have died already), many friends, and a great life working from home as an Information Architect for companies in the US. plan to go back soon to stock up on cash and then return here to buy land.

[sbk]

Hublet, on 2006-10-27 07:14:40, said:

Thank you for your words of understanding Fruittbatt and LaReina,

I am in a kind of limbo at the moment trying to piece my life back together again. I did originally do what you suggested and kept what I call "bolt hole money" in case things went bad but stupidly I put all my trust in him and brought it all over to Thailand. Now thats gone too. I had just enough money to get a plane ticket out.

I really did enjoy living in Thailand and my only regret is that I will miss my friends and unfortunately I still love my husband - Pretty silly hey??????

Hey sbk,
I have a cousin who I lost track off some time back and she too lived and married into a family on Ko Pha Ghan. They owned a small bungalow resort on the island, your story is the same (scary huh?)

Which resort? Maybe I know her.

thanks everyone, for the kind words, I'll be back in November, just in time for the rainy season. After all the snow the past few days here, I, for one, won't complain about the rain.

It is difficult, Lao Po, we've never been apart for so long in our entire married life. Plus, my kitty is dying while I am in the US and that is making it hard for both of us. Him, because he has to handle it alone, and me because I feel I should be with her in her final days. But, my mother has been quite ill and has needed me to help her recover. So, it was necessary and not regretted at all.

There comes a time in everyone's life (and for some horrible reason it seems to hit at 40) when you take stock of what you have done (no regrets and no problems there) and where you are going. Seems I am at that crossroads. I know which path I will take for now, but as I have always said "plans change". If you become too committed to one path you may find you have turned your nose up at the opportunity of a lifetime because it doesn't fit in with your plans.

[Sheryl]

As John Lennon said:

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

My condolecences on your cat, sbk. I really empathize. It's almost like losing a child.

Edited by Sheryl, 2006-10-27 12:08:23.

[fruittbatt]

Sheryl, SBK, and girlx once again I'm impressed by the strength and determination of you all, and your evident love for people and animals.

Sheryl, I really respect your adoption of your friend's family. I also admire your feat of combining much needed professional help for the Cambodian refugees with your own needs for semi-retirement and peace and space and time to meditate. Your environment must be very tranquil and relaxing (unlike busy Chiang Mai!).

SBK, your story is remarkable, and your love for your husband must be very strong indeed. It is a tough emotional time for you, torn between two worlds which are both demanding. In time you will decide what is integral to your well-being and how to resolve a difficult situation.

Girlx, your decision to live alone is a brave one. In my experience being alone is a great opportunity for getting to know one's mind and breaking through limits we may have set ourselves previously. (Here I am thinking of stuff like consciously taking on more physical and emotional challenges, planning one's life and discarding old baggage: all of which you are evidently doing). Hope you get a great place to build. Bet your house will be great, since you're an architect.

Almost everyone alludes to the challenges of marriage and the work you are all putting in to making your relationships work. It is especially difficult for you, Hublet. Stay with us on this forum and be strong for yourself. You are worth it. Your pain will diminish in time. It is not silly that you can still find love for your husband, despite his behaviour. But don't dwell on him too much! You need love for yourself to believe in and plan a life from the ashes.

Gisele speaks of missing the companionship of women friends, and i think we all feel that. I'm lucky to have two close daughters, and a sister whom I email often, but I miss good friends. This forum fulfils that need for communication to an extent, even though we are dotted all over Thailand. Let's keep it happening?

Thanks to the guys who have expressed appreciation of our stories and our challenges. Lao Po, Somchai Jones and Taxexile, your sensitive remarks are very refreshing and gratefully received. And Sheryl, John Lennon was spot on (again)!

[dgoz]

Hublet, on 2006-10-26 10:58:38, said:

Hey There Fruittbatt,

My time in Thailand started surprisingly much the same as you. I moved there with my husband from Australia so that he could retire early to the place he has loved for a long long time. Unfortunately, unlike you, my experience has ended because his wish was based on lies. We originally moved there and opened a Guesthouse. It was running well and business was building quickly. I made a lot of friends learnt to read, write and speak Thai an generally was enjoying the whole lifestyle, culture, foods and fun.

Sadly my husband chose to go the way of many other Farang men and, yep, you guessed it, he has changed our nice Guesthouse into an illegal BJ bar. I was duped. Ten years we were together and it took two years living in Thailand for him to change. So I opened my own business and was gradually getting it up and working and building a clientele. But alas I ran out of money and it became very embarrassing and I was left with no choice but to return home. My husband is still in Thailand as he has told me that his Girls (A Lolitas BJ Bar) and Thailand meant more to him than I did.

Hublet, sorry to hear about your husband.
What business were you in and how did it go down (parden the pun).

[elfe]

hi all
haven't been active in the ladies forum for quite some time...
came to thailand in 1999 after several holidays here and a long trip around the globe. I immediately got a job in bkk as a foreign language correspondent and lived and worked there for a year and really loved the place. but then i thought it was time for a change and new challenges as i was free and curious. went for a beach holiday to samui to think out my further plans but then the holiday grew longer and longer and i started to love it here so much that i got a job at a 5* resort. enjoyed life a lot on samui with all its parties, shopping and beachfun. as i always loved dogs i took in some stray dogs as they adopted me and they became more and more over the time... after one and a half years i moved into a bigger house with walled in garden to protect my dogs. when i quit my job as not much was earned there anymore it was impossible for me to find another job here with adequate income so i worked at the dog shelter for dog food and my thai boyfriend who lived with me for 4 years paid all the bills etc. as i did not want to leave my animals behind to find a suitable job elsewhere, a friend of mine put up a website for us to be able to get help from animal lovers. this worked ok since and i live now only to take care of my dogs and cats and am very happy with that!
since my boyfriend and i separated 7 months ago i take care of the 38 dogs and 13 cats all by myself but it's my pleasure and i still would like to help more animals and extend my abilities here.
for me thailand and the place where i live is still paradise, with all its downsides, compared to all the other places in the world i have lived and visited before. am very happy here and love the thai people and life in thailand and of course my life with the animals which has become my call in life and has probably always been, never been so happy and content before.

[sbk]

And we've missed you elfe

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, do you find it more difficult caring for the dogs alone or do you have some help?

I know what you mean about being committed, I have 5 dogs but would never consider leaving them behind if forced to move.

[MiG16]

WOW all you girls are really amazing u all have my admiration and I wish you all continued strength.
cheers

[elfe]

thanks sbk, as for caring for the animals, i've always done it entirely by myself as it was more 'my' thing. but my ex loved the dogs and cats also very much and looked after them when i had to be gone for a day or two. it has become more difficult for me of course as he did other things here in the household like cooking every day and repairing things or do the gardening etc. so now i have to do all these things as well or get someone to help me with what i can't do and pay for that.
as it was my wish to go separate ways i still enjoy this freedom now. of course it's hard work but it makes me learn more being forced to arrange everything by myself and not having someone to rely on.
as all my animals are my babies whom i mostly raised from very young or took them in when very sick they all have their own story and are quite some characters whom i could never leave behind to an uncertain future, it would simply break my heart forever.

[fruittbatt]

Elfe,

yours is a remarkable story of dedication, love, self-sufficiency, and very hard work. You are amazing! Look forward to hearing more about you and your large family.

fruittbatt

[dgoz]

I like dogs. But, they are exactly that; Dogs.
Don't you think your time and effort would be better spent helping out people who are in need?

I have a vegan freak friend back in Oz who champions her cause for animals, if she had her way humans would give up homes and occupations for beasts.

I often wonder what those types of people have against their own species. In my travels around the globe I've met some wonderful human beings who could have a much better life with just a little help and a nudge in the right direction. I've personally helped out dozens of them and stay in touch and it's a pleasureable experience.

As I say, I like dogs, but if you're living with dozens of them and shunning human interaction don't you think it's time to see a shrink?

[gisele]

dgoz, on 2006-11-02 11:17:34, said:

I like dogs. But, they are exactly that; Dogs.
Don't you think your time and effort would be better spent helping out people who are in need?

I have a vegan freak friend back in Oz who champions her cause for animals, if she had her way humans would give up homes and occupations for beasts.

I often wonder what those types of people have against their own species. In my travels around the globe I've met some wonderful human beings who could have a much better life with just a little help and a nudge in the right direction. I've personally helped out dozens of them and stay in touch and it's a pleasureable experience.

As I say, I like dogs, but if you're living with dozens of them and shunning human interaction don't you think it's time to see a shrink?

We have loads of dogs at our frog farm, my husband thinks the more the merrier.
One of our dogs will have a litter soon, and I asked what he wanted to do with the pups since she is a pretty, fluffy type and we had her mate with the same type. My husband doesn't want ot give them away.
I know he doesn't need a shrink, just more dog food.