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Do you discipline your own children?

35 posts in this topic

I usually add or remove privileges depending on behavior, and i always follow through on threats and warnings.  Unfortunately, as a teacher i have first hand knowledge of spoiled brats that have never been disciplined or stopped from doing as they please.  

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On 25/02/2017 at 10:23 AM, rijb said:

Kids will act out.  But, the best way to discourage it, is to give the child responsibilities, at an early age.  In my experience, scheduled chores are the best way to do that.  Many Thai kids believe their only job is to go to school.  That's not enough.

Yeah, I agree; I think it's about 'inclusion' - if ya don't wanna include 'em, don't 'ave 'em.

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The thing I hate seeing is little sprogs hitting their elders. I see it a fair bit and it annoys me. Just waiting for my 1st child to be born now and he is late, so unfortunately the Mrs is getting back on the Pappaya tomorrow to see if perhaps he fancies a bit of fresh air.

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"Discipline" - describes teaching methods used to help a child understand, survive and thrive in their world through to adulthood. It covers techniques from removal of a finger joint for every mistake or rule contravention to the other extreme of love and forgiveness (sometimes even no rules).  I was impressed by a method I've seen in Mediterranean cultures, many ancient indigenous cultures and here in Thailand as well, where parents give children free rein and tolerate the most outrageous loudness and naughtiness. It seems the parents have decided physical discipline is cruel, or oppression of a free spirit and rely on the hope that their children will eventually become aware that they don't like being treated as a child within the family (usually aound mid-teens) and decide foir themselves to adopt adult behaviours in order to be accepted as such.  It seems to work but can still be wearing on parents.  For myself, I didn't need to rely on physical "discipline" with two families, except in one or two instances when the lives of my childen or their friends were at risk due to stupid choices my kids made.

My approach was simple: 1. Be totally honest with your children; speak to them as intelligent human beings who just happen to be small at the time. ("Honest" need not mean "too much unnecessary detail"). 2. I never made a threat or promise I was unable, or not prepared, to keep .  These rules were sometimes hard to live by, especially when I was stressed out by problems, or just plain grumpy. But I persisted. You just gotta love your kids enough. My own childhood helped my understanding, too.  I also encouraged "family meetings"; children had the same rights as parents in the conduct of meetings and had to observe the same rules.  Any discussion subjects, questions, arguments etc were permissible, but everything stayed on the table.  Sometimes this approach required very quick thinking and a non-judgemental attitude, but so  many possible problems got resolved openly, fairly and quickly. Mostly it was good fun and helped us all understand each other better.  Whatever works for you is generally the best method.

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On 2/25/2017 at 4:56 PM, ThaiWai said:

When I got here my Gfs kid was living with extended family in Ubon. He was complaining they were hitting him to much. I said he could live with us.  Here he has a big house with a new puppy, a pool, all he can eat, video game console,  and never has to shovel the buffalo shit.  We even gave him a motorbike to get back and forth to school. He literally smashed the bike to pieces as fast as possible. Taking off critical bolts and screws and parts like the oil cap as if he was being paid to kill the bike. He recently screwed it up so bad he couldn't start it and left it at his school where it vanished.  What he didn't know is that this second hand bike was a test before we were going to get him a nice KSR if he took care of the first bike and got good grades.  Instead he's getting a one way ticket back to Soi Backhand in Ubon.  Dont forget to pack your shit shovel dumbass!!

What you are describing is a phenomenon well known to foreigners (including me) around here.At least 5 others have talked to me about the nightmare world of trying to assist Isaan teenagers generally from a previous Thai marriage.The results of this assistance appears to be chronic lying,laziness,truanting,destruction of property,theft and at times,threats to assault.They then generally go on to full time careers in the idleness industry.

 

It appears to me that no-one has ever said no to them and by the age of 14-15 it is far,far to late.So good for you and that you made the decision to send him back.This peculiarly dysfunctional child rearing system seems to be the major cause of the Thai/foreigner marital breakdowns around here and it is quite sad because all of the men involved were interested and prepared to put the time and money into their education and give them opportunities that they would not otherwise have had.

 

Other folks may have had a more positive experience and good for them if they have...

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1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

What you are describing is a phenomenon well known to foreigners (including me) around here.At least 5 others have talked to me about the nightmare world of trying to assist Isaan teenagers generally from a previous Thai marriage.The results of this assistance appears to be chronic lying,laziness,truanting,destruction of property,theft and at times,threats to assault.They then generally go on to full time careers in the idleness industry.

 

It appears to me that no-one has ever said no to them and by the age of 14-15 it is far,far to late.So good for you and that you made the decision to send him back.This peculiarly dysfunctional child rearing system seems to be the major cause of the Thai/foreigner marital breakdowns around here and it is quite sad because all of the men involved were interested and prepared to put the time and money into their education and give them opportunities that they would not otherwise have had.

 

Other folks may have had a more positive experience and good for them if they have...

Yeah we tried with him but it's like living with an animal bent on destroying everything.  Update is we found a live in school in Surat that looks pretty good and affordable. I hate to "ship off" a kid because he's difficult but he's not my kid and his mother has bent over backwards while working full time and managing her other son.  Hisbteacher calls yesterday and said his grades literally can't go lower. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. Everything he touches he damaged. No remorse, no appreciation, no respect ever.  He's out.

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5 hours ago, ThaiWai said:

Yeah we tried with him but it's like living with an animal bent on destroying everything.  Update is we found a live in school in Surat that looks pretty good and affordable. I hate to "ship off" a kid because he's difficult but he's not my kid and his mother has bent over backwards while working full time and managing her other son.  Hisbteacher calls yesterday and said his grades literally can't go lower. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. Everything he touches he damaged. No remorse, no appreciation, no respect ever.  He's out.

Good for you and your wife as it appears that you worked together towards a common mutually agreed upon solution and set both boundaries and standards.

 

A more common feature of this form of dysfunctional behaviour up here is that the mother will work secretly on behalf of the child thereby splitting their families and leading to the inevitable demise of the marriage.This appears to happen with the Thai as much the foreigners-one Thai man,who was an excellent provider has just walked out leaving two out of control step-sons and a platoon of his wife's lazy,greedy,grasping relatives.A total nightmare of self entitlement,denial and blame-with absolutely no shame or remorse being expressed by any of the participants.Whilst they display plenty of "Id" and "Ego" the "Superego" is sadly lacking in this culture.

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On 2/25/2017 at 1:48 PM, elgordo38 said:

What method do you use don't leave us hanging

I had a retail camera store.  If the kids were running around uncontrolled I would tell them "Stop that!  This is not a playground."  If that didn't do it I would tell the parents, "If you can't control your children  you will all have to leave."  If no parent close by just a stern, "Behave yourselves!"  will usually do it.  Kids will respond to discipline.

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2 hours ago, williet98248 said:

I had a retail camera store.  If the kids were running around uncontrolled I would tell them "Stop that!  This is not a playground."  If that didn't do it I would tell the parents, "If you can't control your children  you will all have to leave."  If no parent close by just a stern, "Behave yourselves!"  will usually do it.  Kids will respond to discipline.

From what I am seeing the balance is changing. To much TV and IT and not enough exercise and parent and child time. It used to be called bonding. 

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Posts removed. Keep it civil please.

 

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