delboy

Interesting to see how the top Premiership teams are doing this season compared to the corresponding matches against the same opposition teams last season. Substituting Burnley, Hull and Portsmouth for Newcastle, WBA and Blackpool respectfully.

The figures shown are goals scored, goals conceded and points compared to last season.

Arsenal     -7  +1   -2
Man C       -7  -6   +2
Man U        0  +7   -6
Chelsea     -8  +8    0
Spurs      -11  +4   -7
Liverpool  -12  +3   -5

The team with the biggest gain is Bolton +12 pts
The team with the biggest loss is Villa  -12 pts

It indicates that Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool are weaker in attack, Man U are weaker in defence, Man C are weaker in attack but stronger in defence, and Chelsea are weaker in attack and defence but strangely, have got the same number of points.

Including matches on 12th Dec.

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The Football Association today proudly unveiled Total, fcuk and UPS as the new sponsors of the England football team. ‘The combination of these three corporate giants perfectly captures the ethos of the England side,’ said an FA spokesman. ‘After all, they had nothing in the tank when it counted, and they’ve proved themselves to be a bunch of expensive posers who always fail to deliver.’

The announcement followed the news that Nationwide building society would be ending its sponsorship of the national side after the FA rejected its pre-World Cup offer of a new £20m deal. ‘Not so fcuking cocky now, are you?’ said Nationwide in a prepared statement yesterday, before respectfully suggesting that the FA ‘shoved its sponsorship deal right up it’s a@se’. Pundits noted that if the FA followed Nationwide’s advice, it would be the second time in a fortnight that England had been laid wide open at the back.

The new shirts come in a range of bright ‘easy to spot’ colours after claims from England players that the old kit was painted in ‘magic invisible ink’ which made it impossible to pick out an easy and obvious pass to a team mate. The new shirts are also made of a super lightweight material, unlike the old tops which were apparently made of extra-heavy chain mail which left the Premiership stars lumbering around looking exhausted and unfit.

However, one criticism has been made of the design of the new England kit with claims that the neck hole was inexplicably too small for the heads of the Premiership stars. Players say this will make it very hard to pull the shirt off during an over-exuberant goal celebration, but a spokesman for the manufacturers said ’we don’t envisage this being a problem.’