Amyji

For someone not to be interested in your background as one of the posts states is awful...
Where you from, how you grew up is part of who you are today, so if you love your partner how can you not be interested, that would be a relation killer for me!
My hubbie came for a visit with me to my home country almost 2 years ago, we had been together in Thailand for 4 years by then and for him to meet my family, see how we live on that part of the world, made a huge difference in our relationship!
He enjoyed everything, was curious but it was clear to us that living there was not an option, he liked it for a visit but also due to us having a successful business in Thailand, we never even considered moving back to Europe [did I mentioned, he thought it was way to cold and expensive!]
We have a baby and I go back for at least one visit every year and he is very understanding of that, the importance for our girl to grow up knowing two cultures and two different worlds almost.
But I have to admit, it took us a while to find our balance and part of it def. was cultural but mainly it was me who decided to stay in Thailand...and that was as far as I had thought things through at the time.
I ended up working in our business depending on that income and moving in together straight away, which came natural to Mr. Carry but def. not to me!
Nothing really wrong with that except for the fact that I would never had done that, would I've met a guy in Europe, you usually take your time, go dating etc etc.
So to get to know someone by spending almost every hour of every day with each other was most of the time good but more often also a struggle.
But none of us gave up, it went smoother, we understood each other better and better, I got my own business now and we started dating after 2 years or so, going for dinner etc.
Now I cherish having found my true love, as in someone who's been through all my lows with me, who's seen me at my worst and I def. have seen his ugliest sides, we pulled each other through some tough times and it's a blessing, having our own little family now, i found some peace of mind in that, in just being happy with daily life and taking things as they come, living day by day...ugh maybe this sounds very boring

Gorgeous picture and yes you both look very happy indeed.

Phuturatica is young ( not meant to be condecending at all!) and someone well deserving of her attentions is out there.
The secret is never to accept second best

A few simple questions that require you to look at your behavior in a completely honest way; do you pay equal attention to your current wife? Do you do small considerate things that show you are thinking of her? Do you  have conversations/go out to dinner/ do stuff together?

I don't see where Buddhism is responsible for creating a hierarchy of elitism, as you say. Monks don't demand they have the most comfortable seats. They live lives of austerity. It is just that this society respects them greatly for their model lives, and demonstrate this respect by showing monks deference. The Thai people enjoy this.
It is, of course, true that we are all equal human beings at our core, but this is apart from the human relationships in life as we actually live it. Should a child demand to be the equal of his parent? The idea that all people are equal is hardy part of life in Thailand, which is very class-conscious. Powerful and rich people are always given additional signs of respect, compared to a Burmese laborer, as an extreme example. The "wai" has many levels of respect, depending on age and other factors. Women are second-class citizens too, an obvious fact-of-life in Thai society.
The idea you express that everyone is equal, while at first appearing to be an ultimate truth, can be seen as only applying in this world under certain circumstances, for example, in a vote among citizens. Non-citizens are not equal to them in this case, and we expats are not equal to Thais in many respects. None of this is Buddhism.
According to my Thai wife, if you did sit down with the monks, no one would have said anything. Everyone would assume that you didn't understand Thai society, and that would be that. It wouldn't matter one way or the other if you are Buddhist or not, and who could know anyway? If a Muslim sat down, especially a Muslim clergy, no one would think twice about it. However, a woman could not sit there mainly because of the Buddhist rules about women not touching monks, which has to be prevented. This is considered dangerous to a monk's goal of a pure mind, free of carnal desire. Every Thai woman knows this, and why, and it is not a reason for resentment on their part.

After some years as a guest in the Kingdom I have not noticed this "hierarchy of elitism" within Buddhism. Certainly not as much as in many other religions which the mods don't like discussed on their sub-forum. Think of a few religions and consider how rigid their hierarchies are.

If our hosts in Thailand like to provide separate seating for their monks then I will certainly respect that.

In practice if you had sat down I think no Thai would have said anything - they'd think as a farang you just don't know any better. Not 'ciwilai'. I hope. I think for a Muslim the same. A farang with more experience of Thai cultural rules may have pointed out to you that you were behaving less than politely.

Also be aware that the monks may not touch or be touched by a woman I believe. That would also justify the segregated seating, would it not?

If these were the only available seats and you needed to sit down I'm sure if you asked if you might please sit a while I'd imagine you'd be welcomed. Probably have a nice chat with the robed men to boot.

Sabai old mate, sabai.

Because she is a woman and she originally posted in here looking for women's advice on living in rural Thailand. And since she received useful advice, instead of inflammatory nastiness probably felt more comfortable posting in here than in General where some people seem to have great difficulty in being supportive, helpful and informative and can only seem to manage nastiness and insults.

Thai people, like most everyone everywhere, love to gossip. Sounds like your western colleague is the same. And while you may have offended some people by standing up for yourself, you did what you thought was right. There is nothing wrong with defending your reputation.

I think your best bet is to just ride out the month. Look for another job somewhere else. Just ignore the troublemakers and get on with your life. I had similar circumstances in Taiwan, living in a small town and it ended up pretty much the same. Small town people really don't have a lot do except stir. So, move on, look to the future and realize that the petty western guy probably was smearing you in order to make himself look good. Eventually, his true nature will come out and people will learn that he's a wanker of the first order.

Married 2.5 years and we left Thailand 6 months ago to live in Australia.  I think our relationship works because we are both happy to try new things.  I was willing to do the village-thing in Thailand, build a house on our land and spend time getting to know my in-laws.  Here in Australia the hubs is studying English full-time and has thrown himself into learning how to function in a new country. We've never had a major fight and I'm sure our flexibility is the main reason.  To be honest, hubby would have been the right man for me, no matter which country he came from. I don't think the fact he's Thai really played into it much.

Nice to hear your stories, girls! And to add mine I'm in a successful relationship with a Thai man. Although we have 'cultural differences' we've never had a major fight and love and accept one another and he's made me happier than I've ever been. We're not married yet but I'm awaiting my proposal.

For the OP - I hope you have managed to pull through the bad patch. Goodluck!

What an absolutely horrific situation to be in - I hope it works out for you in the end and hope there won't be much pain in the process

hi thanx for the suggestions...

hi amy/golf, nice to hear from u all .

yes, we see lots of thai programs here on the internet; part of the problem is his absolute dislike of israel due to so many bad experiences as labourer, and there fore not learning the langage and therefore not understanding people or mis understanding what they say to him, its sort of a circle... for a whiel he improved with language but has remissed recently.  so actually we have mostly thai in the house.

im sure its also like his wakening up to realities of no kids although he knew intellectually , hormonoally and instinctiviely its much harder for him to accept that; also, the usual thai worker bullshit they bug him with here.. if there was a normal thai ex pat group it would be different but there are either christian do gooder thais (very nice but not his cup of tea) or the drunken worker type.

we are working on things........ a bit of chemical interfereance would be better but he refuses to go to doctors, nor does he want any herbal rememdies (st. john  wort, mellissa, ginko, etc.).  if we had chinese medicine docs (that are chinese and not israeli) that would have a been a solution, but no go, also no thai monks here. one israeli monk who speaks thai but hubby doesn t trust that he is the 'real thing'...

well, patience patience,
thanx, bina

Amyji, on 2012-04-23 01:08:57, said:

Thats coz Golf is a sweetie

I thought it was well done. Maybe it is a morality tale..who knows? Some of these situations work out, some dont. I just thought it was the start of a really rather common tale. Didnt seem to be moralistic or negative, just telling a story that im sure many have experienced variations of.

So many future models and movie stars in this thread. It is amazing how attractive mixed children are. Come on, you can't deny that they are significantly cuter!

It would make things much easier to understand if everyone would drop the "reconciliation" word and substitute it for what it really means, white washing Thaksin. That's all there is to it.
It wasn't about elections, because there have already been elections, it isn't about the coup because see how friendly PTP has got with Sonthi as of late, so what remains to be sorted out is giving Thaksin what he wants.
That's what's keeping the political landscape in tension, one man, one ego, no compromise.
Nobody with an gram of moral fiber in their body can tolerate the future of a whole country being held at stake for the benefit of one corrupt man.