sirineou

cardholder, on 2012-05-26 18:35:33, said:

Sometimes it should be by invitation only, limited to three days maximum, and then you have to submit a 500 word essay on 'My Isaan Experience' with paragraphs, that will determine if you are fit enough to visit again.

That was rather disparaging, sorry, what the OP may not realise is that not only do some Isaan villages vary from others, but they are still very much agricultural based, and as such, the amount of activity can vary from one season to another.

If you visited my ex's family in March, you wouldn't see much going on apart from sitting around the house, chatting, eating, smiling and the odd one or two off their faces on Lao Khao by 11am. Because there is nothing else to do.

Come at this time of year, you will probably see them snoring in hammocks for most of the day, mainly because they started working at 1am in the morning. They work the rubber trees when it is dark as it is much cooler then, my FIL, BIL and MIL are some of they hardest working people I have met, and they work seven days a week for most of the year.

Can't blame 'em for taking a couple of months off when the opportunity presents itself.

Isaan folk shouldn't only be judged on what you see on a short visit, they should be judged on what you don't see.



//edit/none of that was aimed at my chunky friend/

One thing I really love about Thailand is the near-universal total lack of respect for work and career.

Family comes first by far, friends a close second. Comfort and ease, not worrying about tomorrow, enjoying the moment.

The cultural programming I grew up with sees this as "lazy" and "bad", valuing goal-oriented striving, improving yourself work work work above everything and most people end up unloved and alone.

I think they've got their priorities straight, no one ever lay on their deathbed wishing they'd spent more time at the office.

But of course you have to live with the consequences of your choices.

Balance is the hardest thing.

Ajay

   You sound like you are relatively new to Thailand so its good that you are seeking the advice of others.  I like everyone else here has heard sin sod go for 20k to 300k and in some cases much much more. My wife before we were married was offered 1,000,000 bt for marriage and Ive heard other women now asking for 1m bt which is obsurd.  I was lucky she loved me and wasnt just chasing money.

   The woman you met sounds nice and I wish you the best what ever you do so I will give you my thoughts for you do with as you please.
A) She doesnt speak english and though you seem like a nice guy to her she really doesnt know you or you her. You understand this but her parents are pushing for a commitment. This clearly demonstrates that this girl is under pressure from the parents to marry you so there will be a farang in the family to take care of everyone. Never believe that YOU are MORE important that her family. She will marry you just to take care of her family. Doesnt mean she wont grow to love you or take care of you but dont under estimate the pressure she is under. On the other hand ... in the past and currently there are many aranged marriages so if a girl gets to choose her husband ... it may not be a bad thing.
If you do become engaged you will want to discuss the sin sod before hand so you will know what you are in for ahead of time. I agree with most here. If you do pay a sin sod it should be around 100k. If there is more to the story such as ex husband, kids, less than stellar past or what ever reason she isnt married you would have negotiating room. Im all for not paying more than you should but keep in mind the more you are willing to give the more proud you wife will be of YOU.
C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!!  If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand.  You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.
D) Dont forget the cultrual differences. She will do things that make no sense to you but make perfect sense to her. There will be times when you have to bite your tongue when staying at her house. Its better to ASK her why she did something and learn about the lifestyle.
   1) She will see and REMEMBER EVERYTHING
   2) She will judge you based on this
   3) Study the language. It will earn you some respect with her family and in her village.
   4) If she is truely poor .. she may see you trying to take care of her like nice hotels, restaurants etc as wasting money or not being  good  with money.  However you buying nice things for the family ...completely different
   5) Expect a double standard. You can both do the same thing but when she does it ... its different.
   6) Always give her your opinion if she ask a question. "Do/Wear whatever you like" will be taken as indifference or lack of caring for her. Always tell her what you think she should do.


All this being said.... Thai women are wonderful creatures that will make you life a joy. My wife is the most wonderful woman I have EVER known. I am a very lucky man.   Good luck to you ... take is slow....pay attention and dont let you heart over run your head.

cardholder, on 2012-02-17 15:35:50, said:

Cardholder, you're halfway to being one of us!

But seriously though, I've rarely read so much nonsense even on TV.  In Isan, as everywhere else, there are nice people and nasty ones, and it's up to you to find out the difference.  Granted, when a supposedly wealthy farang comes here, he tends to attract those who are only after his money;  do you mean to tell me this doesn't happen in other countries too?

I hate all this talk about 'Thai this' and 'Thai that'.  Thais are human beings, though you might not think so for the way some of you write;  each has to be treated (and assessed, if you like) as a human being, not as a representative of a group.

Rant over.  I have a Thai partner, and we get on fine.  His parents are old dears, and never ask me for anything.  They actually want us to make it official by means of a 'civil partnership' (which means a trip to Vietnam).

The way I see it, in this age of information, people who come to live in Thailand should know what problems they can encounter, they should know they can't own land, know they have to obey Thailands visa laws, know that when they come here they are very restricted in the employment stakes.  ( though many work illegally when they could work legally in their own countries and many other countries in the world, but still they stay in Thailand and complain about the lack of employment opportunities, it's unbelievable !!  )

I don't know many financially secure Farangs in Thailand who are genuinely unhappy,  but they have the choice of moving on if they don't like it, simple as that.

The cynical, bitter and twisted farangs are generally here because they have done all their money in and stay here cos they can't afford to go anywhere else and start again, trapped in a loveless marriage, living in a hot house in what used to be a ricefield surrounded by people who they can't communicate with and who eat strange smelly food, breeds cynicism perhaps ?

Bad preperation, poor planning, ridiculous financial management ?   Don't blame Thailand, blame yourselves.

If I was as cynical about Thailand as many on ThaiVisa appear to be, I'd be gone in a heartbeat, then again, I do have a choice and CHOOSE not to.  

Farangs make the really big leap of leaving their own countries where they have rights and privilages they can never have in Thailand, why the @#@# do they do it when all they do is sit in front of a PC all day complaining about the place they chose to come to, and can leave anytime they like !!!!!

Cynical, Bitter genuinely  unhappy miserable Farangs can be found all over The Kingdom, why they still remain in their own personal nightmare if they have the choice to leave, utterly amazes me.