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smo

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About smo

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  1. Bullyism manifests itself in many forms. One is the outward bravado: "How dare you walk MY street/post on MY forum?" Another is more insidious because it wears the mask of civility: telling a minority they should feel fortunate that they are no longer persecuted - like they were used to - on the mere basis of being who they are. "You oughta feel extremely lucky nobody beat you up today!" Amazing to think that if the persecution of minority groups has somehow ceased (in many - but not all - parts of the world I might add) it did not happen because of decades of social struggle and awareness raising, of progressive thinking on the part of homo sapiens, but by happenstance! And that the rights to live in peace, free from oppression are inalienable rights to some, but supreme blessings to others.
  2. That's the 130K dollar question (sorry I'm a bit "stormy-spanked" right now as you can see - btw you'll make an excellent dear Abby/Ann Landers successor, getting right down to the meat of the matter.) Truthfully, that's something I'm struggling with. Right now, inspite of everything, J provides me with the emotional core that I have mentioned earlier on. A sense of belonging, a "family" if you will. I used to have that with a family of my Thai friends, however we have drifted apart. It's pathetic, but really I'm not better off than my friend H. the septuagenarian Finnish that I have also talked about. He's going home to a wife who apparently can and rather do without him, but she's still his wife and he's got a home to go to. Another friend in the building G another horny old goat who still lives with his ex-wife in a house they share in France (whenever he suggests selling it she would jack the price up.) When he comes to Thailand the neighborhood "salon" is where he would spend most of his time and money. A couple of time he managed to take the working ladies out for a date and a night together, that seemed not to have worked out too well....So there you have it, sad but true. ...I'm not whining, just "brutally honest!" at your request.
  3. "Attracted" is the wrong word. You should have said "apalled" to be more in tune with the gist of this topic
  4. Excellent point. Yeah, I've been wondering about this too for a while now...I'd put that down to the cultural "barrier" (for lack of a better word) that gays/straights on both sides seem not having been able to break through. Someone on this thread asked whether I assumed the role of BF or GF? Which echoes the sentiments of most (read all) my Thai friends to whom the only thing they really needed to know upon my coming out to them was whether I'm a King or a Queen. And the (mis)conception doesn't happen only in the straight world. As a gay man I find it laughingly ridiculous when a gay man introduces his legal spouse as "my husband" or a lesbian "my wife." Bravo for the advance of gay rights! Once more, thanks for the gracious and kind inputs from those who have weighed in! (Sorry too lazy to click the likes button for all concerned, but honestly I didn't want to comb through the "flaming" posts.) Have a nice day everyone!
  5. Thanks for all your well-meaning and gracious input/advice (kudos to all for not having a single gay/old-age bashing in any comments so far, rather rare on TVF!) which I sure took to heart, thank you. But first a bit of Gen-Ed here, not meant to be condescending, but many seemed to indirectly inquire, "what is/going on in a gay relationship?" Well, apart from the technicalities regarding "what body part goes where on whom...," most relationships gay, straight and anywhere in-between, reside on the emotional core of the affair, namely providing both parties with "loving" and "nurturing" companionship. Often money provides the "nurturing" (and more often than you would think, sex has gone out the window - just ask Trump about his current wife.) But as long as the "loving" remains, the relationship still stands (I suppose.) [Let's work the triangle: 1) love, money but no sex 2) love and sex, but no money 3) money and sex, but no love...Hmmm, I wonder which profile would best apply to us expats here in LOS, just a thought.] Allow me to digress a bit into the "straight" terrain here: One of my building mates, H., a Finnish expat, recently disclosed that he thinks his marriage to his Thai wife of seven years was a mistake. Soon after he married her, at his then age of 68, he took her back to home country. Once settled, she promptly declared, "I'm too old, too fat, too sick to have sex (with you) anymore." She was still in her early 50s, he still a horny old goat. Now while he snowbirds in Thailand 6 months out of a year, she's happy to doodle by herself back home in Finland (fattening up her for-Thai-eyes only piggybank.) He's happy to be here in Thailand, where he is able and can still (though barely) afford a couple of visits to his "salon" each month. In this case, "where is the love?" I wondered. Or as I put it to him "then why did you marry her (implying why this late in the game) ?" "I don't want to be alone," H. answered. There you have it! At the start of my OP, I said old age creeping in...when the early morning light starts flashing a chill down your spine and you think soon you won't be able to get up by yourself anymore - that's why we pay what we pay to be in a relationship. Back on the topic, most of the points you all have brought up have been thought up too by me, it's the "up to you" that is the hardest part, that's why I asked. Yes, I am slowly "downshifting..." (if nothing else to avoid the "sudden withdrawal symptom,) Again thanks for being so gracious and kind! And have a good day ;-)
  6. Oh dear, this thread has derailed to gender issue (another topic that evangelicals love to debate till the cows - and I don't mean the women - come home.) Get back on track, boys (and gals)!
  7. Last Xmas, creeping old age - and loneliness combined - pushed me to find myself a boyfriend. Let's call him J. ***For the record, I'm an American gay male, in my early 60's, living in BKK. For the rest of this account, the "gay" element stops here (but the moderator might/would probably move it to the gay sub-forum, simply because the words "gay" have shown up twice so far...) Regardless neither here nor there, allow me to proceed.*** Soon after we started dating, I suspected what I have got in this relationship is not an adult lover/companion, but a man child ie a grown-up with the mentality of 10 year-old. Let's see, when J. is with me the main activities that take over all others are eat, watch TV/youtube then (him) fall asleep (snoring loudly) soon after. We go into an eateries and if they have a tv turned on, J. immediately has to watch it regardless. So in our daily life together instead of having someone who helps me with house chores and such, I am now a nanny (who pick up after) and a daddy (who program and pay for all our activities) rolled into one. J is a sweet "kid," but immensely useless. He is willing to help, but after his quick job of doing the dishes for example, they need to be washed again. During our outings, going to the swimming pool for example, usually it's me who undertake the packing as to what to bring/needed (swim cap, ear plugs, lotion, shampoo etc.), if I forgot something, then J would say, "Oh you forgot to bring the towel!" as if he had nothing to do with it. Even though he's a Thai, more likely it's me who speak up when things/services didn't go right. Survival skills, personal hygiene, are almost non existent - for the former; or still leaves some to be desired - for the latter. As a result after each weekend during which he comes and stays with me, I feel completely worn out. J. will be 40 next month ("I'm getting old," he said.) He got university education, surprisingly well versed in Western civilization (history wise - and for a Thai,) got a stable job and still lives with Mom... therein lies the gist of the matter! In my lifetime I have come across many mommy's boys: friends, co-workers, relatives and last but not least, myself. Usually the situation involves a single male child combined with a lack of father figure, product of broken home, single motherhood, etc (or simply dad not wanting to be bothered). Invariably, the mother has either by design or simply not knowing better, not allowed the child to grow up, and therefore the boy's mental growth is stunted. Mom does everything so kid doesn't have to lift a finger, even to wipe his own mouth. Mom and kid stay together (forever) on the basis of co-dependency (so mom won't end up alone.) Role model is absent, basic education is lacking. My own dad was around but I did not get an education from him, he left that to my stepmom - a two-timed punch you might say. My own salvation came when I flew the coop at the ripe old age of seventeen. Tonight it hit home when on the phone J. said that he was sorry he couldn't talk much yesterday when I called because "I was going to the store with Mom and I'm afraid she might hear..." Well, you get the picture. I posted this thread because I am at a loss of what to do or what step to take, even the simplest thing as where to begin (or end)? I have the feeling I I can't play the role of weekend dad much longer... Thanks for tuning in and hope this might have been an article of interest worth your time - if you have some advice and input they would be much appreciated. In the meantime wishing you a nice day/evening.
  8. For your Sunday morning coffee browsing, here's an old thread I posted...
  9. And this is how long I had to wait getting my tax return last year , filing electronically (weekend/weekday regardless): "Final update - the State refund came on the 17th (3 days after filing); Federal the 24th (a week after filing). Courtesy of TaxAct, totally free of charge!" Can't beat that!
  10. Huh, where did you see that? Could you kindly point it out for clueless me... During Turbo Tax questionnaire, I clicked the box that says "if you spend more than 330 days outside of the state" so maybe that has absolved me of any state taxes. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I'm done with 2017 state returns for both federal and state, unless some one here woud be kind enough to point to what part of the combined tax return filing printout I should consult again, all 18 pages of it courtesy of Turbo Tax. Thanks
  11. quickly accepted by both federal and state. Thanks to HLover and Langsuan Man for your kind inputs.
  12. Maybe I did afterall - and this must have been one of the last items to fill in while going through Turbo Tax. IRS wants you to enter the figure yourself so it can compare to last year return. It was after 3am so I must have typed in 5424 instead of 5414 and with that my filing was rejected pronto! Just corrected the number via Turbo Tax and refile transmitted succesfully, so let's see what happens next? Will keep you posted,
  13. oops I just saw the not matching. But why does 2016 AGI showed up on this year 2017 return as 5424, I didn't enter that.
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