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"...the Thai side would contact Germany to know details about the crackdown." Leave it to the Thais to get the details upside down.

"The Agriculture Ministry has taken steps to standardise the quality of plara or fermented fish...published a directive..." In other words, they are saying: "Please , voluntarily follow high standards". Without any enforcement, this should have the same success as "Please don't drink and drive during Songkran".

"Drunk driving ‘a major cause’ of road accidents" Stop the presses!!! Thailand has just made another earth shattering discovery. What's next? Enforcing existing laws reduces crime?

"THE NUMBER of childless couples in Thailand has risen three-fold between 1987 and 2015." Difficult to interpret this since the guy runs away as soon as his girlfriend mentions that she's pregnant. Therefore, in many instances "couples" don't really exist.

“When an adolescent girl becomes pregnant, her life changes forever... Her schooling often gets disrupted..." Obviously, her "schooling" wasn't all that adequate, since it didn't address important life issues. AND, once again, the guy who gets her pregnant doesn't get a mention. As though he has no responsibility in the matter. Perhaps it is time to make him financially responsible for the upbringing of the child. If necessary, sentence him to work at a public job, with 50 percent of his salary going for support. Only kidding folks...TIT... where no male is responsible for the outcomes of any of his actions. From the top, all the way down to the lower rungs of society.

"Thailand is aging much faster than its regional neighbours. By 2040 it is expected to have the highest share of elderly people of any developing country in East Asia..." . Just extend Songkran to two months....Population and aging problem solved.

"SONGKRAN revellers will welcome news that the government will relax its ban to allow them to splash water from the beds of pickups this year." Because nothing can make riding in the bed of pickup safer than being rip roaring drunk. Oh wait. It is illegal to drink alcohol. We all know how strict that ban will be enforced. Time to hand out the red clown noses to the law enforcers.

"The Commissioner General of the Royal Thai Police, Pol. Gen. Chakthip Chaijinda, has extended condolences to families of those killed and injured in a bus accident in Nakhon Ratchasima province. " The Thai equivalent of the American "Thoughts and Prayers" to shooting victims. Lots of words, but no enforceable laws to help prevent these crashes from occurring.

"The Royal Thai Police will impose a total ban on water splashing on main and secondary roads throughout the country during the seven-day Songkran festival..." That should be as successful as their ban on prostitution.

"Thailand will not be seen as a sex destination by foreign tourists." However, he says nothing about most of the customers being Thai. Once again all that needs to be done is to enforce the present laws. How difficult is that for him to understand?

"Manager also reported claims that surfaced earlier in Washington that the couple were willing to share information..." Their source for this information came from something they read on Thai Visa written by a conspiracy theorist nursing a hangover he got from an all night bender in Pattaya. Next stop...Beautiful Downtown Moscow.

Hey, don't be so hard on them. You have to take into consideration that no one taught them how the damn kids are made.

"In a brazen statement that will undoubtedly offend Thais, the Tourism and Culture Minister of African nation Gambia, Hamat Bah, addressed foreign tourists hoping to travel to the poor African country..." He addressed all 8 of them who were attracted by the Gambian Tourism slogan: "Come for the sex. Stay for the cheap HIV treatment".

What did she do wrong can someone explain? She should have known that the proper "Thai" procedure was to place more amulets around the patient's neck and pray.

"The interfaith dialogue with religious representatives from Buddhism, Christianity, Islam and Hinduism will discuss the relationship between human being and the spiritual world in the context of the role of religion in making a peaceful society." The obvious omission, and the one that would most likely lead to a peaceful society, is Rastafari. Time to start my peaceful day...Cough, Cough.