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Eddie664

Engagement and sin sod

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Hallo.

 

Trying to post this here as I didn't find a better place.

I have found a girl here in Thaland and want to get engaged to her.

For reasons of mother in law we have decided to do this cos of different things (not important).

A couple of days later my girlfriend came to me and asked for sin sod. I have heard that this is for marriage only and not for engagement.

I said I am not willing to pay any sin sod when we get engaged, but will pay sin sod when we get married. I have the money and I'm willing to do it if/when we get married.

It was ok for my girlfriend that i didn't pay anything when we get engaged. I only have to buy 2 rings, 1 for her and 1 for me.

The question then was if I could show 100k for her mother (father is dead) in the engagement ceremony. Then I would get the money back when the ceremony was over.

I should not pay anything now.

My girlfriend is a 37 years old middleclass girl from Isaan working as a nurse without mastersdegree. She is working on her master now.

She has never been married and don't have any kids. If/when we get married she wants me to move in with her and her mum and her niese. Her mum is not working, but taking care of the house at home.

 

I don't know how much she will ask in sin sod, but said that 100k is part of it.

She wants me to show the money for all present during the ceremony.

 

Should I show them the money or not?

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What's an engagement ceremony? Personally I wouldn't show anything until the wedding and even then only if it's returned.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

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9 hours ago, swissie said:

If the lady was not married before and has no kids, theoretically "sin sod" would have to come into play. (not so, if the Lady was married before with kids).


"Sin sod" is only due upon marriage. Not before.


- As you descibe it, the required "sin sod" appears to be symbolic (the funds to be returned to you after the ceremony=marriage). It would be a traditional ritual, very much practised in modern day Thailand (upholding tradition).


How to go about it? Tell the Lady that you know about Thai-Customs and are absolutely willing to go along with it and don't forget to mention that the "sin-sod" returned to you, will eventually (after marriage) find it's way back to her/you/family one way or the other.


"Mum" probably just wants to see if you have 100K beforehand. Show her your suit case full of bank notes or show her your latests bank-statement.
Cheers.

Thx for reply :) 

This is what I needed to know :)

Only thing I learned here was that it is given back to you in one way or the other.

She is sort of suspicious of me since I am farang, but beeing with her, my gf and my gf's niese she more and more accepts me for who I am and see that I will be able to take care of her daughter in the future.

My gf has also said that showing 100k now is just for showing her mother and the people living around them. They are living in a larger city in Isaan and not a small village. Her mother does not work though as far as I know.

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9 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

Don't be a cheap Charlie. She seems to be a nice girl.

 

 

Not going to be a cheap Charlie, but want to know how this works because it might take a while before we get married.

Someone said to me that don't pay anything now as there are other things from my gf's mum that seems like she is out for money and not me.

 

She is a really nice girl :)

Edited by Eddie664

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If your happy with being engaged and future wife then whats 100k   ?   peanuts.  $4k  AUD.

If you renig and don't provide the 100k then if I was the gf I wouldn't want you as a husband ....

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30 minutes ago, F4UCorsair said:

She didn't ask for 'introduction sin sod'??

 

You've been lucky.

 

This is 2017, the 21st century, and Thais are still trying on this antiquated 'custom'.

 

Tell her your culture requires that the woman pays sin sod and watch her run.

 

 

She will run (and rightfully so) because if someone did as you suggest they are being an ass. Concur that many requests for sin sod are a scam and just for the money. Especially if she has been previously married one or more times, has one or several children from previous marriages, or likes to get drunk or gamble.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it, but don't insult the girl you are thinking is a candidate for marriage by asking her to pay you sin sod.

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On 20/11/2017 at 3:35 AM, Kadilo said:

What's an engagement ceremony? Personally I wouldn't show anything until the wedding and even then only if it's returned.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

Several points here.  Yes, there are engagement ceremonies in LOS, especially important in the North east, where bride and groom may well live together before the wedding. It is in effect a religeous blessing and a party, low key ish. I had one. The sin sot is negotiated with the parents , the girl takes no official part in deciding the amount.  The payment can be made at any time, but sybolically, it is made on the wedding day.  In practical  terms, it may well be paid before hand if that is agreed by all parties.  The couple will normally get some of it back, plus other cash at the wedding, but the wedding party normally takes care of that cash sum and more.   100K sounds about right to me. One final bit of advice, if the family are traditional and so is the lady, pay up and suck it up .

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8 minutes ago, Ahab said:

She will run (and rightfully so) because if someone did as you suggest they are being an ass. Concur that many requests for sin sod are a scam and just for the money. Especially if she has been previously married one or more times, has one or several children from previous marriages, or likes to get drunk or gamble.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it, but don't insult the girl you are thinking is a candidate for marriage by asking her to pay you sin sod.

quite right .  If you love her, pay up and be done with it.

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BANGKOK 14 December 2017 05:34
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