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BANGKOK 14 November 2018 07:55
rudi49jr

Girlfriend’s daughter needs (psychological?) help with shyness

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My girlfriend’s daughter is almost 18 and she’s going to graduate high school next year. She’s a lovely girl, very intelligent and very determined to get ahead in life. Only problem is that she is extremely shy and introverted, and I’m worried that will limit her possibilities in college/university and later on, in getting a good job. 

Anyone have any recommendations? I have thought about her seeing a psychologist, or maybe getting help from a social worker. The good thing is that she is at least open to seeing someone to talk about her ‘problem’.

 

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If she is willing to see a counselor (unusual for Thais) then certainly that would help. Where are you located?

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Has the mother the same issue, if not let her talk first and you give it a try too before talking to a professional.

This sort of behavior issue won't be sorted out in a couple of weeks / months, it will need a lot of time and a lot of attention.

Edited by FritsSikkink

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8 hours ago, Sheryl said:

If she is willing to see a counselor (unusual for Thais) then certainly that would help. Where are you located?

I also thought it would be hard to convince her, considering how important ‘face’ is in Thailand, but she seems quite eager to take a first step to do something about her shyness.

Mother and daughter live in Cha’am (just north of Hua Hin). 

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Almost the same problem with my stepdaughter a few years ago. To make a long story short: I organised for her a part time job at a busy McDonalds. She had to perform in a stressful environement, having to deal with "the real world".
She complained bitterly at first. The only reply I could give her was: You have 2 choices. Live a life in splendid isolation near the rice patties or live your life in "the real world" with all it's opportunites that are available to you. Other "worlds" are not available at this time. She got the drift.


- These days, she is a loudmouth, reighning over 15 underlings in a major Thai Bank. Frankly, I liked her better when she was shy.


To make a point: In the old days, when a youngster refused to learn how to swim, eventually he just got thrown into the water under the supervision of adults. Most of them turned into good swimmers, not afraid of the water anymore.
- As we live in modern times, the slightest deviations of "normal behaviour" concerning a youngster, is cause enough to involve Psycho-Analysts pronto.


So, while his classmates play basketball, the young "patient" sits with his Psycho-Analyst in a secluded room, thinking that "there must be something wrong with me", otherwise I would be playing basketball with my classmates. The beginning of a mental downward spiral that feeds on itself. = There must be something wrong with me.


- I insist: Common sense and a firm hand goes a long way when it comes to guide youngsters in their "formative years". Even in Thailand, as long as the Farang was able to maintain his status as the undesputed "head of the household", well understood.
Cheers.

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17 minutes ago, swissie said:

Almost the same problem with my stepdaughter a few years ago. To make a long story short: I organised for her a part time job at a busy McDonalds. She had to perform in a stressful environement, having to deal with "the real world".
She complained bitterly at first. The only reply I could give her was: You have 2 choices. Live a life in splendid isolation near the rice patties or live your life in "the real world" with all it's opportunites that are available to you. Other "worlds" are not available at this time. She got the drift.


- These days, she is a loudmouth, reighning over 15 underlings in a major Thai Bank. Frankly, I liked her better when she was shy.


To make a point: In the old days, when a youngster refused to learn how to swim, eventually he just got thrown into the water under the supervision of adults. Most of them turned into good swimmers, not afraid of the water anymore.
- As we live in modern times, the slightest deviations of "normal behaviour" concerning a youngster, is cause enough to involve Psycho-Analysts pronto.


So, while his classmates play basketball, the young "patient" sits with his Psycho-Analyst in a secluded room, thinking that "there must be something wrong with me", otherwise I would be playing basketball with my classmates. The beginning of a mental downward spiral that feeds on itself. = There must be something wrong with me.


- I insist: Common sense and a firm hand goes a long way when it comes to guide youngsters in their "formative years". Even in Thailand, as long as the Farang was able to maintain his status as the undesputed "head of the household", well understood.
Cheers.

Agreed too much pigeon holeing and catagorisation Today causing people to feel alienated and leads on a downward path as you mentioned.

Joining groups will improve social skills and confidence especially if you are good at the activity. It doesnt need to be sports. Could be spelling bees or language classes.

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10 hours ago, rudi49jr said:

I also thought it would be hard to convince her, considering how important ‘face’ is in Thailand, but she seems quite eager to take a first step to do something about her shyness.

Mother and daughter live in Cha’am (just north of Hua Hin). 

She's going to have to travel to the Thonburi area of Bangkok to see a professional counselor.

 

A trip, but doable r/t in a day.

 

http://www.somdet.go.th/public/

http://www.somdet.go.th/public/Eng/main.php

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6 hours ago, swissie said:

Almost the same problem with my stepdaughter a few years ago. To make a long story short: I organised for her a part time job at a busy McDonalds. She had to perform in a stressful environement, having to deal with "the real world".
She complained bitterly at first. The only reply I could give her was: You have 2 choices. Live a life in splendid isolation near the rice patties or live your life in "the real world" with all it's opportunites that are available to you. Other "worlds" are not available at this time. She got the drift.


- These days, she is a loudmouth, reighning over 15 underlings in a major Thai Bank. Frankly, I liked her better when she was shy.


To make a point: In the old days, when a youngster refused to learn how to swim, eventually he just got thrown into the water under the supervision of adults. Most of them turned into good swimmers, not afraid of the water anymore.
- As we live in modern times, the slightest deviations of "normal behaviour" concerning a youngster, is cause enough to involve Psycho-Analysts pronto.


So, while his classmates play basketball, the young "patient" sits with his Psycho-Analyst in a secluded room, thinking that "there must be something wrong with me", otherwise I would be playing basketball with my classmates. The beginning of a mental downward spiral that feeds on itself. = There must be something wrong with me.


- I insist: Common sense and a firm hand goes a long way when it comes to guide youngsters in their "formative years". Even in Thailand, as long as the Farang was able to maintain his status as the undesputed "head of the household", well understood.
Cheers.

Thanks for the advice. Will discuss it with my girlfriend, see what she thinks. The thing is that my girlfriend is a little overprotective of her daughter, so she is probably part of the problem as well. I'm going to have to tread carefully ...

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Thanks for the advice. Will discuss it with my girlfriend, see what she thinks. The thing is that my girlfriend is a little overprotective of her daughter, so she is probably part of the problem as well. I'm going to have to tread carefully ...

Try the Occupational Health department at Petcharat Hospital. It certainly assists children to become more confident and express themselves better.


Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

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Ger her a easy part-time job.  She will open up at work around her co-workers and be proud of the money her has earned.

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