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BANGKOK 14 November 2018 07:09
Kenny202

Parental rights of a legally legitimized father

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I am separated from my child's natural mother for some time, we were never married. My name is on the birth certificate, I obtained a court order stating I am the legal legitimate father and this has been registered at the Amphur. All completed. My son has basically been under my care since 4 months. He is now just over 2 and a half years old. She has seen him briefly on a few visits back to our city but he has never really been in her care for any amount of time since he was 4 months old. I doubt very much she would ever try and actually claim full custody now as she just isn't interested in taking care of him for any length of time...apart from a few hours to take some super mum selfies....tears and sadness etc. She may try to get back with me or if she thought there was a financial advantage to her. To be honest her life has gone so far off the rails now I would be loathe to let her see him unsupervised now at all. Where do I stand as the legitimate father? I'm not talking a custody case here I'm talking if I refuse her access and she calls the police to come and get him...

 

As far as going her for custody I have had totally conflicting advice from lawyers so I have been loathe to proceed. One told me I would have no chance unless I had rock solid evidence she had physically abused him or was on drugs, and him being so young and me being a foreigner would even lessen my chances. Other Lawyer told me with her history would be a walk in the park. Both said at least 150k THB and around

3 - 6 months in court.

 

Her history is appalling, including abandoning 3 other kids (different fathers), psyche history, appalling family and work history....and these are her good points. I knew none of this of course when I met her. All came out when she became pregnant with my son.   

 

Has anyone had this experience where the mother has showed up wanting the child after being gone for some length of time and you were the legitimate father? I can only imagine it would be up to the policeman who showed up? Could fight it out after she took him of course with the lawyer but by that time she could be long gone with the kid phone disconnected etc and no blame on her side as the policeman told her it was ok to take the child.

 

 

 

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If you could get her to accept you having sole custardy I would go for that it is not that expensive

 

So instead of giving a lawyer 150K she might accept a smaller amount to give you sole custardy

 

It only cost me about 12000b to gain sole custardy including money for a local interpreter 

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If you could get her to accept you having sole custardy I would go for that it is not that expensive
 
So instead of giving a lawyer 150K she might accept a smaller amount to give you sole custardy
 
It only cost me about 12000b to gain sole custardy including money for a local interpreter 
Its possible but rationale just doesnt come into her thinking. On the other hand money does. It could be an option but jeez after what shes put me through and cost me it would be a bitter pill to swallow

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So you had a relationship with a woman & did not know that she had 3 children ?

Not much thought with the upper brain there.

Anyway, good luck to you for looking after your  sprog.

Let sleeping dogs lie !!!

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Yep. You would think that wouldnt you. Was never 100% trusting of her, well aware of the thai lady horror stories etc. But these kids werent living with family nor was she in contact with them. I had done as much due dilligence on her as possible...but wen someone says they dont have kids...and there is no apparent evidence of any.....I only found out wen I had a good look at her Tabien baan one day when we went to register my son. What are all these names? There were also 2 legal husbands she forgot to mention lol. Looking back yes...I reckon I had 20 warning signs...but put it down to cultural misunderstandings and obviously a lot of wishful thinking. These days first hint of anything even a little on the nose and Im gone

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What would happen if you just moved and didn't tell her where you had moved to?

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4 hours ago, natway09 said:

So you had a relationship with a woman & did not know that she had 3 children ?

Not much thought with the upper brain there.

Anyway, good luck to you for looking after your  sprog.

Let sleeping dogs lie !!!

Didn’t take long before the bar stool brigade piped up did it.

Kenny202 is asking a legitimate question and is doing the proper thing by his child. Try and have a pinch of respect at least. 

 

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Kenny202. Are you thinking of taking your child back to your home country? Are you working here and if you are who takes care of the child when you do work? I’m only asking as the immigration laws change here constantly so have you though about the future plans? I take my hat off to you for not walking away as many  would do. Good luck and I hope you get a good result. I understand it’s not easy and can be frustrating and depressing at times. Please feel free to pm me if you need a chat. 

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Lawyers quoted me the same 150, 200, 250k..all liars and thieves that will bleed you for more. 

Without you having sole custody, everything is a struggle. You cant add your own kids to a Tabien, you cant register them at schools or hospitals....everything you want to do will require the Mothers ID and consent. Its a farce and yes, she can turn up anytime and take the kids without warning if you dont have sole custody. Depending where you are you can seek legal aid but they will depend on your financial circumstances.

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What would happen if you just moved and didn't tell her where you had moved to?

A lot of people have suggested that. Just not that easy as at some point in the future I may need to contact her for eg: I want to take him out of the country. I beleive even with a passport etc a young child will not be permitted to leave the country without permission of the mother. This is a totally irrational person. She called the police once because I blocked her on facebook...and they actually came. Me and my son would be out for breakfast somewhere (he was living with me) and shed be sending messages demanding I bring my son to her or shed call the police (thinking I had him out meeting a new mummy). Then after I did take him to her an hour later she would be saying I was a bad father for not picking him up lol. At the time I hadnt done the legitimizing thing and was basically powerless..so I played that game with her for a couple of months until I reallized she didnt want to take care of him. I told her she cud demand I bring him to her or come and get him anytime she wanted...but she couldnt demand I take him back again. She has a condition called BPD. One of the worst disorders going and basically untreatable. Anyone had any experience with it will know exactly what I am talking about and the utter hopelessness. Its all about control, attention, pure selfishness, jealousy and hatred and often unrestrained violence. Me breaking contact with her like that like a red rag to a bull. All hell would break loose. She would pursue me and my son to the end of the earth. Not because she had any intention of looking after him...just because

 

I havent even told half the story here. She is pure evil. Not only the worst person Ive ever met but the worst Ive ever heard about...even in Thailand

 

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Lawyers quoted me the same 150, 200, 250k..all liars and thieves that will bleed you for more. 

Without you having sole custody, everything is a struggle. You cant add your own kids to a Tabien, you cant register them at schools or hospitals....everything you want to do will require the Mothers ID and consent. Its a farce and yes, she can turn up anytime and take the kids without warning if you dont have sole custody. Depending where you are you can seek legal aid but they will depend on your financial circumstances.

Agree with most of what you said but you can change Tabien baan, register hospital schools etc. Ive done most of these things already. There are cases here where the mother has just disappeared..probably to another country so no chance of consent for anything. Wonder how u get on then? Its not easy as the beleif of most of these departments that mothers consent is required...or maybe just a good reason to avoid a possible 15 minutes wotk. Usually a phone call from your lawyer will sort them out. Im lucky in a bigger city and maybe a bit better informed but in a back water Amphur I imagine horrible. They dont want to do anything at the best of times. As you say though its not easy

 

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Kenny202. Are you thinking of taking your child back to your home country? Are you working here and if you are who takes care of the child when you do work? I’m only asking as the immigration laws change here constantly so have you though about the future plans? I take my hat off to you for not walking away as many  would do. Good luck and I hope you get a good result. I understand it’s not easy and can be frustrating and depressing at times. Please feel free to pm me if you need a chat. 

At the moment no plans to go back. Im not working. I have adequate but not huge money....and not much of a safety net should there be a big medical issue. Going back home probably not a great idea. Not sure what work prospects would be at 55 and would need daycare etc for my son. I live with a lady here and we basically have created a nice little family. Good luck as a single parent 55yo man with a baby finding a partner back home 5555. In any case I like living in Thailand. In some cases I could say I was stuck here but I dont think of it like that. I am here on an OA visa and was extending based on retirement...but this year I did it based on family...my son. I thought it a good idea to have on record. Who knows maybe in the future they will want to boot all of us retirees out...but take pity on someone with a wife or family. Turned out it was the most difficult red taped visa to obtain. Nightmare. What should be the most legitimate reason for a foreigner to be here...taking care of a thai child...is the most difficult to get. I guess theres no profit in single parents

 

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Kenny, contact HappyLarry if you haven't for a fair assessment of your situation. A Thai lawyer can be a westerners worst enemy but... the Thai Family and Juvenile court system as such is often more fair than western equivalents actually and they are normally not biased against westerners at all. Thai lawyers who state otherwise often do not have family law experience. Westerners who state otherwise are often of the type who fits the Thai saying, People who don't know speak easily 🙂

 

I have followed HappyWife and the lawyer she works with behind the scene by ThaiVisa members PMing me for several years although I have never met them personally. I hear non-biased positive information.

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