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Jet Gorgon

Thai Toilet Etiquette

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The following was posted by ExpatsClub on Fri 2003-08-08, 11:44:42

If you only hang around in Bangkok, you can always find great Farang toilets in the hotels, some fairly good ones at Central and other Department stores. But if you intend to go upcountry, or visit gas stations, small restaurants, etc. around in town for your potty visit, you're in trouble, because they all use the "holes"

So here is the first instruction manual for potty training male adult farangs in Thailand:

1. Open the door to the toilet. Walk in.

2. Close the door to the toilet...if possible

3. Survey the water situation...is there any water at all

4. Look for the nail to hang your trousers on

5. No nail...you're in trouble...be innovative

6. Take of your trousers & shoes, underwear, be careful, there may be "waste water" on the floor, don't let your trousers / feet touch the floor.

7. Hang your trousers on the nail. Check the "hanging" situation. If not proper hanged...they may fall down during your intimate relationship with the hole. So check

8. If no nail, hang your trouser around your neck. Be careful of loose coins, wallets, etc., they may fall out.

9. Take of your socks, put your socks in your trouser's right pocket. Stuff your underwear there too.

10. Put on your shoes again, you don't want your bare feet on the floor.

10A. Do your stuff.

11. After finishing your stuff...take your tissue paper from the left pocket in your trousers... WHAT... I can't hear you!... Oh. YOU didn't bring any tissue paper. Oh my Gawd..

12. No tissue - scoop water in the small bowl, try to splash on your backside (you know where) at the same time while using a hand to rub away any "leftovers" - try not to think about it, pretend it is actually Jennifer Lopez doing it for you (if you're gay, Elton John will do).

13. But if you are the smart guy I think you may be, you have brought sheets of tissue with you in your right pocket, so after finishing your stuff, splash water ON THE TISSUE, and wipe your a.. (sorry, I meant your... you know what I mean). Do this 2 or three times and finish of with tissue, without any water. You'll be clean as a newborn baby.

14. Stand up from your sitting position...that's already a marvelous feat, especially after a "bad day" - sitting with your knees bended for an extended period of time is not so easy for us farang. And it is even more difficult to stand up after.

15. Put on your underwear and trousers. Don't let the trousers touch the floor. Maybe roll them up to the knee before you put them on, it makes it easier to put them on without getting wet (after all, you have already spilled so much water on the floor during your rinsing process, that NOW the floor is wet for sure.

16. Open the door

17. Put on your socks when you're outside

18. Start whistling - you made it - you have passed the test, are now a Thailand "old hand"

19. Go pick up your Certificate of Achievement from the Ministry of Thai Culture. Talk to Khun Uraiwan.. she doesn't know me, but she will when you go there and tell about my FREE Expats Potty Training Manual.

There are so many hilarious posts on this topic : "Thai Toilet Etiquette", but THIS ONE comes out the best.

No matter how many times I keep reading it, it always crack me up. :o:D:D

BIG thanks to 'ExpatsClub' for brighten my days. :D:D

Tinkelbell ( your all time big fan)

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You might want to add washing your hands well somewhere after the splashing, rinsing and getting rid of leftovers. I find if I don't, when I pick up food and eat it, it tastes like sh*t. Maybe that's why I don't like Thai food so much?

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Man, this topic is sick! stopped reading after the 5th reply

If its so sick and you stopped reading it..why are you replying, you dont have to read it if you dont want to..

Personnally think this posting is exceptionally funny.... :o:D

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The following was posted by ExpatsClub on Fri 2003-08-08, 11:44:42

If you only hang around in Bangkok, you can always find great Farang toilets in the hotels, some fairly good ones at Central and other Department stores. But if you intend to go upcountry, or visit gas stations, small restaurants, etc. around in town for your potty visit, you're in trouble, because they all use the "holes"

So here is the first instruction manual for potty training male adult farangs in Thailand:

1. Open the door to the toilet. Walk in.

2. Close the door to the toilet...if possible

3. Survey the water situation...is there any water at all

4. Look for the nail to hang your trousers on

5. No nail...you're in trouble...be innovative

6. Take of your trousers & shoes, underwear, be careful, there may be "waste water" on the floor, don't let your trousers / feet touch the floor.

7. Hang your trousers on the nail. Check the "hanging" situation. If not proper hanged...they may fall down during your intimate relationship with the hole. So check

8. If no nail, hang your trouser around your neck. Be careful of loose coins, wallets, etc., they may fall out.

9. Take of your socks, put your socks in your trouser's right pocket. Stuff your underwear there too.

10. Put on your shoes again, you don't want your bare feet on the floor.

10A. Do your stuff.

11. After finishing your stuff...take your tissue paper from the left pocket in your trousers... WHAT... I can't hear you!... Oh. YOU didn't bring any tissue paper. Oh my Gawd..

12. No tissue - scoop water in the small bowl, try to splash on your backside (you know where) at the same time while using a hand to rub away any "leftovers" - try not to think about it, pretend it is actually Jennifer Lopez doing it for you (if you're gay, Elton John will do).

13. But if you are the smart guy I think you may be, you have brought sheets of tissue with you in your right pocket, so after finishing your stuff, splash water ON THE TISSUE, and wipe your a.. (sorry, I meant your... you know what I mean). Do this 2 or three times and finish of with tissue, without any water. You'll be clean as a newborn baby.

14. Stand up from your sitting position...that's already a marvelous feat, especially after a "bad day" - sitting with your knees bended for an extended period of time is not so easy for us farang. And it is even more difficult to stand up after.

15. Put on your underwear and trousers. Don't let the trousers touch the floor. Maybe roll them up to the knee before you put them on, it makes it easier to put them on without getting wet (after all, you have already spilled so much water on the floor during your rinsing process, that NOW the floor is wet for sure.

16. Open the door

17. Put on your socks when you're outside

18. Start whistling - you made it - you have passed the test, are now a Thailand "old hand"

19. Go pick up your Certificate of Achievement from the Ministry of Thai Culture. Talk to Khun Uraiwan.. she doesn't know me, but she will when you go there and tell about my FREE Expats Potty Training Manual.

There are so many hilarious posts on this topic : "Thai Toilet Etiquette", but THIS ONE comes out the best.

No matter how many times I keep reading it, it always crack me up. :o:D:D

BIG thanks to 'ExpatsClub' for brighten my days. :D:D

Tinkelbell ( your all time big fan)

I had a funny experiance at the phuket zoo went to use the good old thai toilet and as I was squatting down with bad knees I grabbed hold of the hose on the wall and yes you guessed it I pulled it of the wall water every where .

I hightailed it out of there and managed to hold on until back at the hotel .

We are building in Loei and I have told my wife we can have anything but I want a farang toilet

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The following was posted by ExpatsClub on Fri 2003-08-08, 11:44:42

If you only hang around in Bangkok, you can always find great Farang toilets in the hotels, some fairly good ones at Central and other Department stores. But if you intend to go upcountry, or visit gas stations, small restaurants, etc. around in town for your potty visit, you're in trouble, because they all use the "holes"

So here is the first instruction manual for potty training male adult farangs in Thailand:

1. Open the door to the toilet. Walk in.

2. Close the door to the toilet...if possible

3. Survey the water situation...is there any water at all

4. Look for the nail to hang your trousers on

5. No nail...you're in trouble...be innovative

6. Take of your trousers & shoes, underwear, be careful, there may be "waste water" on the floor, don't let your trousers / feet touch the floor.

7. Hang your trousers on the nail. Check the "hanging" situation. If not proper hanged...they may fall down during your intimate relationship with the hole. So check

8. If no nail, hang your trouser around your neck. Be careful of loose coins, wallets, etc., they may fall out.

9. Take of your socks, put your socks in your trouser's right pocket. Stuff your underwear there too.

10. Put on your shoes again, you don't want your bare feet on the floor.

10A. Do your stuff.

11. After finishing your stuff...take your tissue paper from the left pocket in your trousers... WHAT... I can't hear you!... Oh. YOU didn't bring any tissue paper. Oh my Gawd..

12. No tissue - scoop water in the small bowl, try to splash on your backside (you know where) at the same time while using a hand to rub away any "leftovers" - try not to think about it, pretend it is actually Jennifer Lopez doing it for you (if you're gay, Elton John will do).

13. But if you are the smart guy I think you may be, you have brought sheets of tissue with you in your right pocket, so after finishing your stuff, splash water ON THE TISSUE, and wipe your a.. (sorry, I meant your... you know what I mean). Do this 2 or three times and finish of with tissue, without any water. You'll be clean as a newborn baby.

14. Stand up from your sitting position...that's already a marvelous feat, especially after a "bad day" - sitting with your knees bended for an extended period of time is not so easy for us farang. And it is even more difficult to stand up after.

15. Put on your underwear and trousers. Don't let the trousers touch the floor. Maybe roll them up to the knee before you put them on, it makes it easier to put them on without getting wet (after all, you have already spilled so much water on the floor during your rinsing process, that NOW the floor is wet for sure.

16. Open the door

17. Put on your socks when you're outside

18. Start whistling - you made it - you have passed the test, are now a Thailand "old hand"

19. Go pick up your Certificate of Achievement from the Ministry of Thai Culture. Talk to Khun Uraiwan.. she doesn't know me, but she will when you go there and tell about my FREE Expats Potty Training Manual.

There are so many hilarious posts on this topic : "Thai Toilet Etiquette", but THIS ONE comes out the best.

No matter how many times I keep reading it, it always crack me up. :o:D:D

BIG thanks to 'ExpatsClub' for brighten my days. :D:D

Tinkelbell ( your all time big fan)

I had a funny experiance at the phuket zoo went to use the good old thai toilet and as I was squatting down with bad knees I grabbed hold of the hose on the wall and yes you guessed it I pulled it of the wall water every where .

I hightailed it out of there and managed to hold on until back at the hotel .

We are building in Loei and I have told my wife we can have anything but I want a farang toilet

When my wife first came to Australia she didnt like using the paper she was looking for the hose on the wall she learnt pretty quick though but no black and gold paper for her nothing but the best SORBENT

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A few months training in a combat field unit in any military will cure your need for seeking darkness as an ally.

Funny

My recollection of armed forces (UK) training relates to defecating in plastic bags and carrying with you.

Didn't they issue entrenching tools?

Amazing how sound and smell carries,

Does farting in a plastic bag make that much difference?

(have you tried when you are in the same position for days on end?)

Regards

:o

Wouldn't all those plastic bags get heavy?

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i agree, why not hang two pieces of rope from the ceiling for them to hang on to !

Hmm .. gives me an idea. A bit of creative thinking should yield a sturdy but strong metal "U' bracket that could slip over the top of the door .. couple of holes punched ..

.. through which one or 2 cords are passed. One a loop to secure clothing, another as an assist for stabilizing my perch as well as getting my fat 68 year old body back to a standing position ..

.. nicely rolled up and tucked under the drivers seat of my car.

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the toilet thing is just something we have to accept

we don't have to accept squat toilets if we don't like them. i for example have never used one and i'd rather sh*t in the open than using one.

Isn't shi**ing in the open actually using a huge squat toilet?

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Lived in Asia many years, and am used to squat toilets.

However, what still is a mystery is how Thai people can do their duty, use the water spray to clean up (with no toilet paper or towels) and then exit the facilities without water running down their legs or a wet spot on their trousers.

What's the secret?

I cannot, for the life of me, Understand how this even became a topic.

Stupid Farang.

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might seem like a mute point but in the west we are used to facing the door, you may find it easier to face the wall. Thais have the ability to squat right down where we westerners don't, not sure if toilet habits from a young age allows thais to do this or it is just a body flex thing that they have in general.

Did you not notice , they squat just about everywhere , many do not even have a chair in the house unless it is about 10 cm off the floor , that is probably why so many have 'Bent leg' syndrome when they get older , well , older for them , many of them learned from squatting in the trees because so few had a toilet of any description .

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The following was posted by ExpatsClub on Fri 2003-08-08, 11:44:42

If you only hang around in Bangkok, you can always find great Farang toilets in the hotels, some fairly good ones at Central and other Department stores. But if you intend to go upcountry, or visit gas stations, small restaurants, etc. around in town for your potty visit, you're in trouble, because they all use the "holes"

So here is the first instruction manual for potty training male adult farangs in Thailand:

1. Open the door to the toilet. Walk in.

2. Close the door to the toilet...if possible

3. Survey the water situation...is there any water at all

4. Look for the nail to hang your trousers on

5. No nail...you're in trouble...be innovative

6. Take of your trousers & shoes, underwear, be careful, there may be "waste water" on the floor, don't let your trousers / feet touch the floor.

7. Hang your trousers on the nail. Check the "hanging" situation. If not proper hanged...they may fall down during your intimate relationship with the hole. So check

8. If no nail, hang your trouser around your neck. Be careful of loose coins, wallets, etc., they may fall out.

9. Take of your socks, put your socks in your trouser's right pocket. Stuff your underwear there too.

10. Put on your shoes again, you don't want your bare feet on the floor.

10A. Do your stuff.

11. After finishing your stuff...take your tissue paper from the left pocket in your trousers... WHAT... I can't hear you!... Oh. YOU didn't bring any tissue paper. Oh my Gawd..

12. No tissue - scoop water in the small bowl, try to splash on your backside (you know where) at the same time while using a hand to rub away any "leftovers" - try not to think about it, pretend it is actually Jennifer Lopez doing it for you (if you're gay, Elton John will do).

13. But if you are the smart guy I think you may be, you have brought sheets of tissue with you in your right pocket, so after finishing your stuff, splash water ON THE TISSUE, and wipe your a.. (sorry, I meant your... you know what I mean). Do this 2 or three times and finish of with tissue, without any water. You'll be clean as a newborn baby.

14. Stand up from your sitting position...that's already a marvelous feat, especially after a "bad day" - sitting with your knees bended for an extended period of time is not so easy for us farang. And it is even more difficult to stand up after.

15. Put on your underwear and trousers. Don't let the trousers touch the floor. Maybe roll them up to the knee before you put them on, it makes it easier to put them on without getting wet (after all, you have already spilled so much water on the floor during your rinsing process, that NOW the floor is wet for sure.

16. Open the door

17. Put on your socks when you're outside

18. Start whistling - you made it - you have passed the test, are now a Thailand "old hand"

19. Go pick up your Certificate of Achievement from the Ministry of Thai Culture. Talk to Khun Uraiwan.. she doesn't know me, but she will when you go there and tell about my FREE Expats Potty Training Manual.

There are so many hilarious posts on this topic : "Thai Toilet Etiquette", but THIS ONE comes out the best.

No matter how many times I keep reading it, it always crack me up. :o:D:D

BIG thanks to 'ExpatsClub' for brighten my days. :D:P

Tinkelbell ( your all time big fan)

I should have noted that as a Thai who takes annual trip back home to BKK, I could not live with 'wet-one'. Before leaving US, I would stock up at least 3 boxes of baby wiper ( 3 x 300 sheets) :D , that's how I survive the BKK heat :burp: and keep my (outings) trips to the toilet less miserable :( .

Reading these threads on this topic helps open my eyes about other people's adventure :D .

Many thanks to all of you for bringing out my smiling face :P .

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BTW, do the Thai have similar problems with western toilets?

Well, I've heard of Thais squatting squat-toilet style on top of a western toilet seat! Now that's a pretty precarious position to be in. I could also imagine a toilet seat breaking easily with that much weight on it...

Yes, working in a large office in Singapore I was amazed to see feet marks on the seat!!

Regarding how to use a squat toilet, I'm afraid that on occasions my feet go through the motions

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