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Jet Gorgon

Thai Toilet Etiquette

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I hate squat toilets, although I like the little water nozzles for cleaning up.

I had a friend who came to work here in Thailand. He had never used one before and was trying to do his business. As he got 'settled' down, and began his 'job', his mobile phone slipped out of his pocket. He quickly tried to fish it out of the mess, only to then have his unfinished business happening on the floor. As he turned his bum back on the squatter, his wallet next went into the hole.

I was waiting outside the stall for him and I was getting quite concerned because of all the noise being made. Since he was a good sized fellow and a bit overweight, I was afraid he had an accident. Well, he sort of did have an 'accident', but nothing too seriously.

After exiting, he had to go home, take a shower, change his clothes. He then had to get a new mobile phone, credit cards, ATM, etc. He sure was glad he wasn't carrying his passport!

I'm sure glad I wasn't sitting next to him for the bus ride home!!! :o

Soundman.

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Yes, Soundman, me too. What I learned from his whole lesson was that when I go in, since I am not so steady and I don't like the squat toilet, is that I remove my pants, underwear, socks and shoes. If there isn't a hook to put them on, I hold them.

The only important lesson I've had to learn is that its a good idea to make sure you lock the door. I am afraid that poor cleaning lady who accidently open my stall one time is no longer with us!

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My first encounter with a squatter was a disaster and I feel extremely bad and apologize to everyone that was staying in the bungalows near the toilet.

I hovered above the squat style toilet and let loose. Problem was that I was having stomach problems at the time and things were moving fast. I had both feet on the little foot rests but I missed the toilet entirely. I saw the sprayer and figured no problem; I can just spray this mess into the drain. That was the fatal mistake because the drain didn’t go into any sewage reservoir in the ground or anything, rather it just went right outside onto the ground. A friend was waiting for me outside and he discovered the smell immediately. When I went outside I saw the giant mess I had created and went red. It was pretty embarrassing. Since then I have mastered the technique, and have become a big fan of the sprayer. If I ever move back the US I am definitely installing one in the bathroom.

I had a very similar experience at a friends house with premature evacuation. It was up near Saraburi with no choice, squatter or pants. Except in my case, due to a bit of subsidence, the bathroom floor did not slope towards the drain. Took me about 20 minutes sloshing water around to persuade the ex contents of my bowels to go down that little hole. They must have thought I was some kind of hygene freak. I must admit I didn't check where the drain came out, maybe I should of done so.

Another experience was at my gf's father's house up near Petchabun. It was the little house in the forest, turn off the main road down a lane, turn off the lane and drive between the trees to the house. There was electricity but very few lights and none in the bathroom. Went in one night, fumbled around in the dark and got stlled for the performance. Then I heard it, a bluddy great deep RIBBID! Oh it's only a frog, they're okay no sweat. Then the little voices started "but if a frog can get in here what else can? :D and what eats frogs? :o " I didn't linger.

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Since then I have mastered the technique, and have become a big fan of the sprayer. If I ever move back the US I am definitely installing one in the bathroom.

I still have a home in the US and have installed one in all the toilets. As we have many guests there--and it is human nature to experiment--there have been many converts to the bum gun. As a result, I return to the US with a suitcase full of bum guns from MBK to give as gifts and they are very appreciated. (Some say the kitchen sink spray hoses available in the west will work as well, but they don't have the proper nozzle to get the job done correctly.) I am the bum gun Santa!

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what about the toilets without the bum guns? the ones with a tub of water and the round plasic bowl ?

how do those work? I assume you pour it down your lower back, hoping some of it trickles its way down under... unless one is meant to somehow reach under and project it upwards in a splash, risking a slip & possible contamination.

At least the challenge of balancing, cleaning and escaping without slipping, falling and contaminating my clothing etc gives a warm sense of accomplishment.

I have just returned from a trip to " THE VILLAGE " in upcountry.

I had the sh*ts all the way from" THE VILLAGE " to Ubon via Roi Et and then from Ubon to Khong Jiam, Chong Mek and I even had to sh*t in a quick visit to Laos.

I still had the sh*ts when we got to BKK after the trip.

I sh*t in anything that even looked like a toilet, I even sh*t on the side of the road behind some rocks. Just me and the lizards. Heaps of fun!

Didnt see many bum guns and I learned real fast how to use a Thai toilet with a bowl.

The best way that I found was to hold the bowl under your ass and slosh water up with your hand.

Sounds pretty bad but the toilets are big and it is easy. I did it 3 or 4 times with fresh water each time.

After I had finished I washed my hands ( usally without soap, but dont worry to much about that because the people that are cooking your food are probably doing the same thing.. ) and dripped dry for a minute or two.

When you are starting to sweat because you need a dunny fast, a Thai toilet is like paradise.

Thankyou to the gods that it is over.

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So is merely splashing your anus sufficient in removing the left overs on ur arse or do you attempt to use your wet left hand as toilet paper

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Where do you put them? I've considered removing trousers completely, as if you just lower them, the bottom (cuffs) inevitably gets wet from the water on the floor, but I've never found anywhere dry & safe to put them whilst completing the necessary...

Yes, THIS is THE problem. Any serious suggestions very much appreciated !!!

You could fold and tuck into your shirt.

Or balance them on your head.

I usually find some dry nook to tuck them away....but the shirt deal can work fine.

Have a happy crappy :o

Plucked starfish, drip dries easier !

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I just shared some parts of this thread with my wife, she had a good laugh about the removing the pants completely part. I think I have got most of the toilet configurations mastered. A couple of days recovering from some bad food will give you all the practice you need. I take stuff out of my pants pockets because things might fall out. I keep my pants on but pulled down out of the way. I'm a pretty good shot it seems; the trick to aiming are in the steps (the place where you put your feet). Line your toes up with the front, and you should get a bull's-eye every time. This way you need less water.

For cleanup the bum gun is the bomb. I almost forgot what a skid mark was. When there is a bucket and dipper I have found if you pour water from the top part of your great divide, the water runs naturally to the business area. This is more efficient and less messy than splashing it up.

I just spent some time in the mountains on the India Nepal border, things were tougher there. Sometimes no water, no tissue, no hang nam, and very few trees for cover. Darkness is your best friend in that situation. Watch were you're walking at night though :o

i take my shirt off as well !

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on the topic of thai toilet etiquette, I read a sign in Thai in a toilet that said:

"please do not urinate in the hand basin" :o

amazing thailand indeed.

Was it full of dishes perhaps ?

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BTW, do the Thai have similar problems with western toilets?

Well, I've heard of Thais squatting squat-toilet style on top of a western toilet seat! Now that's a pretty precarious position to be in. I could also imagine a toilet seat breaking easily with that much weight on it...

post-16108-1174917540_thumb.jpg

i agree, why not hang two pieces of rope from the ceiling for them to hang on to !

Regards

:o

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Thanks guys and girls.

I was feeling quite depressed when I came across this thread, and I have to tell you that it has given me the biggest laugh I have had in a very long time.

Some of the posts are absolutely hilarious - I think it works better if you read the posts from the start and go through them all in one fell swoop.

The pictures I conjure up of semi naked, pot bellied farangs with clothes rolled up to their chins, underpants balanced on heads, phones and wallets disappearing into the void, water trickling down the crack of buttocks, bum sprays missing their targets are all just too precious, to say nothing of the portable hooks, coat hangers, and other gadgets that some enterprising folk may carry with them as essential toilet aids.

Who said that Thai Visa was losing its edge? :o

Toilet humour, disgusting ! ,. keep it coming

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..rolling the shirt up to my chin, holding it all in place with the chin. This may sound strange and awkward..
I respect your acrobatics however may I remind the here present that it is 2007/2550, I feel we are but one squat away from the bear sh_tting in the woods.
Western toilets are not designed for cleaning oneself.
The Western type toilets in Turkey have a small bore pipe fitting under the rear of the seat, with a simple tap on the wall/floor to the right of the bowl you can control the flow of water. A good solution.

In Taiwan, the toilet seat was both heated and had a complex spray system (pulse and sweep optional) complete with a IR remote control system, funny - I very nearly pissed myself.

Squat Guidance. Scroll to the bottom - Old type II I encountered in Aberdeen (Hong Kong).

I'm also contemplating fitting a squat toilet in my Thai house, although I'm unsure Thai vistors will stump up my 10 baht fee?

...although I seek guidance on how to make them wash their hands!

Dont go in the ladies in hong kong by mistake, it will automatically remove your goolies and attach a fresh tampax/towel !

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Yes, Soundman, me too. What I learned from his whole lesson was that when I go in, since I am not so steady and I don't like the squat toilet, is that I remove my pants, underwear, socks and shoes. If there isn't a hook to put them on, I hold them.

The only important lesson I've had to learn is that its a good idea to make sure you lock the door. I am afraid that poor cleaning lady who accidently open my stall one time is no longer with us!

I went into a toilet in a restuarant ,there was no lock on the door and i had to use one hand to keep the door closed,. when i said to the manager, " you have no lock on the toilet " he replies " oh no need, we have been here 24 years and no one has stolen a bucket of [email protected] yet !

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So is merely splashing your anus sufficient in removing the left overs on ur arse or do you attempt to use your wet left hand as toilet paper

You just do the best you can. If you have been there for a few weeks or months or years, you just have to go with the flow.

I have found ( and I am definately no expert ) that if I just forget all that stuff that Mother taught me about almost everything it all goes quite well.

The Thais upcountry are really clean people. God knows how they manage to keep thier clothes so clean when they are walking around in the dust and chicken/ox/buffalo shot but they do.

They are great people and the toilet thing is just something we have to accept.

No toilet paper in the pic.

post-18138-1176699772_thumb.jpg

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BTW, do the Thai have similar problems with western toilets?

Well, I've heard of Thais squatting squat-toilet style on top of a western toilet seat! Now that's a pretty precarious position to be in. I could also imagine a toilet seat breaking easily with that much weight on it...

post-16108-1174917540_thumb.jpg

Regards

:D

I always squat. In the last 20 years i don't think i have sat on a toilet more than ten times, and that was only when i had a leg injury.

I always squat on western toilets as well, after breaking lotsa seats i learned to put them up before. Squatting is just so much more comfortable and hygienic once you got used to it. I find it revolting having to sit with my bare skin where maybe somebody else shat or pee'd befor me. :o

Anyhow, my worst squat experience was in a village in Nias island. Went to the loo in that wooden building, squatted down, and suddenly a huge pig nose appeared 10 cm under my dangling parts waiting to be fed... :D

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BANGKOK 14 December 2017 07:33
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