warfie

Worst Joke Ever

6,292 posts in this topic

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred “Chuckles” Jenkins, Britain’s oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred’s jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

.....ooooooohhhhhhhh......

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ozsamuri, I want to simultaneously chuckle and kick you in the <deleted>... :)

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get in line behind the missus~~lol

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Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"

Okay, can you beat that with a shorter joke?

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Q. Why did the pervert cross the road.

A. He was stuck up the chicken.

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please don't hate me...

hmmm... Chiang Mai TV party tonight... perhaps I should reconsider attending...

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This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hub-cap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hub-cap?'' The waiter sings, ''Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''

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Kermit the Frog walks into a bank looking for loan and wants to talk to the Bank President.

The bank teller, Miss Patty Whack, tells Kermit they can't give a loan to just any frog that hops in and asks him: "Do you have any collateral?"

Kermit reaches into his frog pocket and pulls out a key chain with Miss. Piggy's picture on it. "I have this" he says in his scratchy Kermit the Frog voice.

The bank teller sighs heavily, grabs the key chain and goes into the bank president's office. "Excuse me sir, but Kermit the Frog is here and he would like a loan. He brought this key chain as collateral" she says as she rolls up her eyes.

The bank president glances up from his paperwork and says..... "That's a knick knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan."

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This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hub-cap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hub-cap?'' The waiter sings, ''Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''

Okay warfie, that gets a "Make it Stop" groan rating of 9 here!

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Kermit the Frog walks into a bank looking for loan and wants to talk to the Bank President.

The bank teller, Miss Patty Whack, tells Kermit they can't give a loan to just any frog that hops in and asks him: "Do you have any collateral?"

Kermit reaches into his frog pocket and pulls out a key chain with Miss. Piggy's picture on it. "I have this" he says in his scratchy Kermit the Frog voice.

The bank teller sighs heavily, grabs the key chain and goes into the bank president's office. "Excuse me sir, but Kermit the Frog is here and he would like a loan. He brought this key chain as collateral" she says as she rolls up her eyes.

The bank president glances up from his paperwork and says..... "That's a knick knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan."

when I first heard this one, Kermit was the illegitimate offspring of Mick Jagger, and the punch-line was:

"It's a knick knack Patty Whack,

give the frog a loan.

His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc, I don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Twisties.”

<---- take THAT Daffy! ---->

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A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc, I don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Twisties.”

For the Brits that would be Twisties Wotsits :)

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"My dog's got no nose"

"How does it smell?"

"Awful"

I'll get my coat....

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What do you call a bloke doing his housework at midnight with the lights off and two birds of prey on his shoulders?

HAWK KESTREL MAN HOOVERS IN THE DARK

Re: the 80's band.

I'll find my coat again....taxi!

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A penguin walks into a bar and asks: "Have you seen my brother?"

The barman says: "No. What's he look like?"

I am running out of coats....

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BANGKOK 28 April 2017 15:21
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