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kaewmala

Are Thai Women Incurious Lovers?

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Hi Ladies (& any gents here),

I was hanging around the Thai Language Forum, sharing my (Thai female) perspective on language and the Thai romantic culture. There aren't many women in that forum (I'm still new here), so I took up Bina's invitation to come here. Today I wrote on a topic that needed input from women in particular.

I was answering a question from a farang male reader (on my blog) asking me a question in the subject line -- not really in the bedroom aspect -- but about sharing & getting to know one another in the relationship beyond the superficial.

He was wondering whether it's possible that Thai women could be typically incurious to find out more deeply about the foreign lover.

Here's the beginning of my blog:

Are we? (Curious Thai women lovers, hold it!! Please don’t flog me! — cowering) (Hands still blocking head) It’s not my question, girls. Really. One curious (farang) mind wants to know. His name is Paul. …

Paul wants to know why none of his several long-term and short-term Thai (ex-)girlfriends ever seemed to want to get to know more about him as a person. He didn’t say this, but I guess he must have felt like a serial foreign census respondent, being asked the same basic demographic questions: “where do you come from,” “have you ever been married,” “how many children do you have.”

In his own words [chopped off a bit]:

I have had two long-term relationships (two and three years each) with Thai women and several not so long. None of the women ever asked about my previous life experiences – except for information related to past marriages, children and country of origin.

I can interpret such omissions as being disinterested in me as a person or – perhaps a better explanation – a lack of curiosity about anything beyond Thailand or anything that did not have an immediate or direct influence on them. Even while in the process of asking them about their childhood, their views, their experiences, they did not reciprocate. And I don’t understand why they would not have taken advantage of the opportunity to learn more about my life in my country and the outside world in general. …

Any insight?

----

I gave my answer on my blog but am interested in knowing what other women think (Thai or otherwise). You can see the rest of the article on the blog or give your comment here. Thanks and looking forward to reading your views.

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Tell him he needs to learn to be more creative and keep your posts on other forums to other forums. What's said out of school stays out of school.

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Tell him he needs to learn to be more creative and keep your posts on other forums to other forums. What's said out of school stays out of school.

Thanks for your comment. And btw I did not cross-post. Only asked it here. Hope that's ok.

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Tell him he needs to learn to be more creative and keep your posts on other forums to other forums. What's said out of school stays out of school.

Thanks for your comment. And btw I did not cross-post. Only asked it here. Hope that's ok.

You're quoting other people's posts in other forums from what I gather. I would consider that a rather bad sleigtht on your own reputation, more than Paul's, so maybe it's better to frame the thread question more gently, without all the rigmarole of other threads in other forums that gave you the idea. In fact, if this is of no concern to you personally, then leave it, otherwise tell the forum why this is so important to you personally that you felt inclined to thread it, and leave other forums out of it. We don't want to know.

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For fuc_ks sake Sean, what is your problem? Are you the international forum police? And why are you being instantly hostile to this woman?

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His questions seem more related to Thai women rather than farang women. It's mostly farang women here. A farang woman would know how to respond, but maybe not be interested. Maybe there are language barriers and many Thai women don't know how to relate to more than just basic questions. Thais and farangs are very different in many ways and similar in others. Unless we knew the specifics it would be hard to relate and give a proper answer. I do know that Thai women who view a farang man as a potential partner seem more interested in the specifics of the man: is he single and available, how old is he, how much money does he make, does he live full time in Thailand, or does he travel back and forth from another country, and is he committed to anyone else. Before those get established the Thai woman is not too interested. I was recently "grilled" by an attractive Thai woman in a similar fashion. I pretty much stated that I don't want a long term relationship and that pretty much ended the matter.

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1. For farks sake Sean, what is your problem? Are you the international forum police?

2. And why are you being instantly hostile to this woman person?

1. Yes

2. No, so what is your real name, and can I have your permission to take everything you say here to other forums that you don't know about when I am feeling jilted by your rhetoric so that I can flame you to your heart's content in public without you even being there to argue for yourself.

My name is Sean Moran and don't waste your time flaming me on other forums because Christy Sweet has already done that for you, but that doesn't make it right.

I respect ThaiVisa as a forum of integrity, and we don't take on the pathetic whines of losers from other forums, okay?

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This is weird, a Thai lady asking a question of Thai women, and farang men replying.......and here's another one. :)

I think, having being married to a Thai lady for 10 years, that the lack of interest shown by Thai women in their men's personalities, their interests, feelings etc, is down to a lack of education. Most Thai women know very little of the world outside of Thailand, and dislike asking questions about things of which they have little or no knowledge. Thai women, in my experience dislike asking questions, about anything other than the ones you quote.

In the first couple of years we were married, my wife found it difficult to believe that if I wanted to know something, I'd ask someone a question, whether, shopping, looking for directions etc. It seemed that she'd been brought up not to ask questions, though whether this was by her parents or teachers, I'm not sure.

Also the level of English taught in Thailand is abysmal**, so it's difficult for Thai women to frame questions they may have. There also seems to be a culture of we-can't-change-the-natural-order-of -things, which maybe explains why most Thais (of both sexes), seem only to be interested in things that directly effect their day to day lives.

Maybe this explains why Thai women are seemingly more interested in which cream will make their skin whiter, than getting a better education. A white skin is preferable for getting on in life Thailand, whereas even with a reasonably good education, if you're dark skinned you've got no chance. Sad but true.

Hope this helps.

(**present company excepted - the OPs written English is comparable to most native English speakers)

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His questions seem more related to Thai women rather than farang women. It's mostly farang women here. A farang woman would know how to respond, but maybe not be interested. Maybe there are language barriers and many Thai women don't know how to relate to more than just basic questions. Thais and farangs are very different in many ways and similar in others. Unless we knew the specifics it would be hard to relate and give a proper answer. I do know that Thai women who view a farang man as a potential partner seem more interested in the specifics of the man: is he single and available, how old is he, how much money does he make, does he live full time in Thailand, or does he travel back and forth from another country, and is he committed to anyone else. Before those get established the Thai woman is not too interested. I was recently "grilled" by an attractive Thai woman in a similar fashion. I pretty much stated that I don't want a long term relationship and that pretty much ended the matter.

Hi, Ian. Thanks for your input.

I apologize if I have grated any sensibility, but I really did come here expecting to get some women's perspectives (Thai and expat women as I said in the description line) because it is possible that expat women having lived long enough in Thailand may be able to relate to Thai women and shed some light as well. And what a surprise! All men so far. :-)

Anyway, I agree that he did not give enough specifics, so it could have been any number of things. I sometimes get questions from farang men asking if Thai women are really like this, like that. Why do they do this or do that, or not do this -- as in this case. Sometimes you can try to give a cultural perspective to the personal behaviors, but sometimes you can't. And one Thai woman cannot speak for all. So, that's why sought out others' views.

I personally don't believe that all Thai women in or seeking a relationship with a foreign man are in it for the material things or only the material things. At least I am not and I know other Thai women who are not. But I am aware that there are a lot of Thai women who are. That is why I wonder if there might really be a pattern of disinterest among some Thai women as far as making an effort to learn and understand more about their farang lovers is concerned. (And your comment is illuminating, thank you. :-)) I am romantic, and believe that, even if a woman might be primarily interested in material security, at least she can make an effort to learn about her lover/husband because that will make the relationship go a long way.

I've seen some Thai-farang couples and have some suspicion that that might not be the case. But I resist jumping to conclusions because you don't know what really goes on between couples. Hence, asking for others' views.

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My name is Sean Moran

And my favourite activity on this forum is asking people posting here their name.

I just can't help it, I'm Sean Moran... :)

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I think, having being married to a Thai lady for 10 years, that the lack of interest shown by Thai women in their men's personalities, their interests, feelings etc, is down to a lack of education. Most Thai women know very little of the world outside of Thailand, and dislike asking questions about things of which they have little or no knowledge. Thai women, in my experience dislike asking questions, about anything other than the ones you quote.

In the first couple of years we were married, my wife found it difficult to believe that if I wanted to know something, I'd ask someone a question, whether, shopping, looking for directions etc. It seemed that she'd been brought up not to ask questions, though whether this was by her parents or teachers, I'm not sure.

I think this is spot-on. I've been together with my wife for three years now, and I have experienced the same behavior as stated in the OP. It turned out to be not a lack of curiosity, but instead just a general aversion/fear of asking questions! She is generally too embarrassed to ask questions about things she doesn't know, for fear that she may not understand the answer, or reveal her initial lack of knowledge. This may have its roots in the education system, or maybe is just deeply ingrained in the culture itself.

After much discussion with my wife on the subject, she had a kind of "ah-hah" moment, and began to wonder why she had so much apprehension about asking questions. She is much more open now about asking me questions (in private), and often tells me that she "always wanted to know such-and-such" but could never ask before! She still has really deep-seated issues about this when it comes to other people or out in public (getting her to ask the doctor questions is murder), but she is getting better at it with practice.

Perhaps my situation is unique, but its all I have to judge by. I think it is a cultural issue. For those that assume that their significant other is uninterested or incurious, it may be that they really are curious, but have been taught early-on (and continually practiced) to suppress their curiosity - or that they might look foolish if they question something. Try to find out if it is just fear before coming to the conclusion that it is disinterest.

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I suspect, kaewmala, that there is little farang women commentary because many times the foreign women do post an opinion on Thai women we are roundly and soundly abused for having such opinions. Either positive or negative. I recall one particular gem, where a guy asked what do Thai women think of old farang men with young Thai women, and I was soundly abused for posting the opinion of one of my Thai female staff members. Many men didn't like her opinion and for some reason felt it necessary to attack me for posting something they didnt' agree with.

I, too find, it interesting that so many men choose to post in the women's forum when a poster specifically asks for women's opinions but figure thats because most men don't bother to read the location of the topic and don't necessarily read the entire post. Not just selective hearing in practice here :)

Anyway, I will have to abstain from comment since the Thai women I know do not seem to fall into this behavior or category.

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Yea, Quite agree with Ian:)

I'm also wondering- How old 'he' is and...

what kinda economic and educational status the 'women' who he had relationship with have?

-----------------

Anyway there's no big deal if 'the person' posted in here. I believe that there are some Thai women reading forums in this site just like i am.

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oohhhhhhhhhhh counting to ten..... zero.

i invited her to come over to here from the language forum for those that are pedantic and worried: the thaivisa language forum: she is really a she; she is known by other members for her linguistics research etc.... she has a blog site and a book....

she is legit so BACK OFF to those that doubt... (i love when i say BACK OFF to a dog or a horse. they just automatically move back two steps and wait for the next command.... )

i too am always curious about thai women; i really only know two women personally and one is rather more israeli then she used to be... plus, she is a city girl and muslem at that so not sure, but i think the same non curious side of some of our thai husbands is similar. the 'non discussion of daily things; lack of curiousity about 'your day at the office', less self analysis, etc... finally we get to hear at least one thai woman's POV (well, besides mig...)

bina

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1. For farks sake Sean, what is your problem? Are you the international forum police?

2. And why are you being instantly hostile to this woman person?

1. Yes

2. No, so what is your real name, and can I have your permission to take everything you say here to other forums that you don't know about when I am feeling jilted by your rhetoric so that I can flame you to your heart's content in public without you even being there to argue for yourself.

My name is Sean Moran and don't waste your time flaming me on other forums because Christy Sweet has already done that for you, but that doesn't make it right.

I respect ThaiVisa as a forum of integrity, and we don't take on the pathetic whines of losers from other forums, okay?

Sean Moran...Moderator :):D

Come on mate, you've only been a member 4 months!

RAZZ

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BANGKOK 22 July 2017 09:49
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