CharlotteQ

Possible blacklisted? Please help.

146 posts in this topic

ID: 61   Posted

I don't know Girl! If I was you I probably wouldn't come back here unless you have a very good reason. Either personal or financial.

 

Especially when there are so many other places you can go near here like Cambodia, Vietnam, and Laos, where this trouble wouldn't follow you. I hear Cambodia is a lot easier to get a Visa to.

 

So maybe put your pride in your pocket, forget the A-Hole, and move on to  new and better life (someplace else).

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ID: 62   Posted

1 hour ago, CharlotteQ said:

Thank you again for sharing your heartbreaking story just to help convince me.

 

But is there really no way to pursue justice in Thailand as a foreigner? That when horrible things happen to us, we should just shrug them off no matter how much they hurt you, and how much pain you are STILL going through as  a direct result of their terrible crimes? 

Dear Charlotte, i will not hold the truth from you. The world is really full of unfairness and there are people with worst fate than you. You can read about them on the news in Thaivisa forum everyday.

I want to know too why my ex can cheat me after all i went thru and given to her, but what good can anything come out of it.

If my ex knows that I am successful in life now maybe she want to come n get a piece of it. Think about it, if you go back now, your ex will certainly think of a plan to harm you again. 

Your safety is the utmost priority here.

Lastly can i advice if u like to come Thailand again, and there is no blacklist stamp, u have to just risk it and come then u would really know if u have been banned or not.

Going to the embassy of Thailand in China or asking any embassy agents or legal agents is just giving them an opportunity to scam money off you. They might tell u that "oh yes there is a problem, but dont worry i help u na..." and follow up by "just pay 5000baht and you can come thailand". 

 

Dont open doors for these people to scam money off you. Dont offer up information when its not needed.

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ID: 63   Posted

2 hours ago, BritTim said:

No possible good can come of that.

 

No doubt you have been trying to contact him in other ways, and he has been ignoring you. I would imagine you had opportunities to seek explanations and apologies before your original departure. If you are honest to yourself, you already have a pretty good idea of what he would say.

 

If you did manage to confront him again in person, the best that could happen is that he continues to ignore you (if he has cooled down from the original events and recognizes that hurting you further is pointless). More likely, you are both going to become violent. Your protestations of self defense are not going to be well accepted by the police if you come out on top. After all, you will need to admit to initiating the confrontation. If he comes out on top, you end up in hospital or worse with still no answer to your questions.

Thank you for your genuine concern Tim. However it's only after you hear about the whole story that you might grasp the slightest idea why I feel I must do it. Like I said in response to another comment, it's not about revenge or compensation. Whatever it is, I just don't want this to be the nightmare that I'm gonna have to run away from for the rest of my life. I've already have one which is my dad's passing. I need to confront my problems and no matter what the outcomes at least I could say I tried.

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ID: 64   Posted

1 hour ago, Moonmoon said:

Dear Charlotte, i will not hold the truth from you. The world is really full of unfairness and there are people with worst fate than you. You can read about them on the news in Thaivisa forum everyday.

I want to know too why my ex can cheat me after all i went thru and given to her, but what good can anything come out of it.

If my ex knows that I am successful in life now maybe she want to come n get a piece of it. Think about it, if you go back now, your ex will certainly think of a plan to harm you again. 

Your safety is the utmost priority here.

Lastly can i advice if u like to come Thailand again, and there is no blacklist stamp, u have to just risk it and come then u would really know if u have been banned or not.

Going to the embassy of Thailand in China or asking any embassy agents or legal agents is just giving them an opportunity to scam money off you. They might tell u that "oh yes there is a problem, but dont worry i help u na..." and follow up by "just pay 5000baht and you can come thailand". 

 

Dont open doors for these people to scam money off you. Dont offer up information when its not needed.

Sometimes just the simple truth would be satisfying enough :}

 

And thank you for warning me about the possibility of getting scammed. I truly appreciate it. So you think I should just go ahead and apply for a tourist visa and see what happens? TBH I'm feeling very fragile right now and am very afraid of more bad news.

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ID: 65   Posted

7 minutes ago, CharlotteQ said:

Thank you for your genuine concern Tim. However it's only after you hear about the whole story that you might grasp the slightest idea why I feel I must do it. Like I said in response to another comment, it's not about revenge or compensation. Whatever it is, I just don't want this to be the nightmare that I'm gonna have to run away from for the rest of my life. I've already have one which is my dad's passing. I need to confront my problems and no matter what the outcomes at least I could say I tried.

At least you can say your tried.

 

Tried to do what? Put yourself back in a bad situation which you were lucky to escaped from?

 

I think it has been clearly pointed out to you several times that you have absolutely zero to gain from this, and plenty to lose. Maybe why your x-husband put you in the Looney Bin is that you won't leave him alone. Fatal Attraction comes to mind.  

 

He has made it perfectly clear to you he does not want to continue in this marriage or even see you. So leave it at that and move on. Meeting him face to face will get you nowhere. Except maybe back in the Looney Bin.

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ID: 66   Posted (edited)

Charlotte, you are the first person I've ever recommended to not return to Thailand. Seeking retribution will only get you in trouble. You are better off getting stronger back home, properly move on and ideally try somewhere else, like Bali, girls love the men there.

Edited by scubascuba3

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ID: 67   Posted

1 minute ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

At least you can say your tried.

 

Tried to do what? Put yourself back in a bad situation which you were lucky to escaped from?

 

I think it has been clearly pointed out to you several times that you have absolutely zero to gain from this, and plenty to lose. Maybe why your x-husband put you in the Looney Bin is that you won't leave him alone. Fatal Attraction comes to mind.  

 

He has made it perfectly clear to you he does not want to continue in this marriage or even see you. So leave it at that and move on. Meeting him face to face will get you nowhere. Except maybe back in the Looney Bin.

He's not my husband first of all.

 

And no, he threw me in a hospital just so he could rob me of my possession during my absence, as well as pressuring my mom to pick me up. I'm not going back for romance. It's ignorant to assume that I would not leave him alone for such a reason. More like him having a hit-and-run. However I already prepare myself for similar reactions like yours, so you are welcome to make your own assumptions based on the limited information I have given.

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ID: 68   Posted

3 minutes ago, CharlotteQ said:

He's not my husband first of all.

 

And no, he threw me in a hospital just so he could rob me of my possession during my absence, as well as pressuring my mom to pick me up. I'm not going back for romance. It's ignorant to assume that I would not leave him alone for such a reason. More like him having a hit-and-run. However I already prepare myself for similar reactions like yours, so you are welcome to make your own assumptions based on the limited information I have given.

You are the one who said that if you go back then at least you tried. My question to you was tried to do what?

 

If people make assumption about you it because you don't even answer a simple question. What do you hope to accomplish here by coming back here?

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ID: 69   Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, CharlotteQ said:

Thank you for your genuine concern Tim. However it's only after you hear about the whole story that you might grasp the slightest idea why I feel I must do it. Like I said in response to another comment, it's not about revenge or compensation. Whatever it is, I just don't want this to be the nightmare that I'm gonna have to run away from for the rest of my life. I've already have one which is my dad's passing. I need to confront my problems and no matter what the outcomes at least I could say I tried.

I know in my heart that nothing I say can dissuade you, but I feel impelled to try.

 

You are obsessed by the idea that another fight with him will bring some kind of closure. It will not. All you are doing is postponing the healing process, if it is ever to take place. You ultimately need to push the thoughts of that phase of your life into the background, try to move on, and ultimately find a healthy replacement so that, over time, the past becomes less important. The absolute worst thing you can do is fan your resentment by deliberately making these events the focus of your life.

 

If you have not yet done so, find an experienced professional who, through counselling, can help you to come to terms with what happened and plan for the future. You have been through traumatic experiences, and most people find it difficult to put such things behind them,. Counselling to help you come to terms with reality can ease the process. Most people eventually have the resilience to, in time, recover if they can recognize that they cannot change what is past, and must concentrate on the future. If that is what your family is telling you, they are right, no matter how terrible the experiences you went through were.

Edited by BritTim
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ID: 70   Posted

CharlotteQ - I'm with you.  You need to face your demons to enable you to move on.  Don't worry about all that counselling nonsense as you just talk to someone that's asleep while the meter's running.  

 

Maybe you can hire a bodyguard with the saving so that your ex doesn't beat you again and get a sincere apology out of him this time.  Good luck.

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ID: 71   Posted

36 minutes ago, GuiseppeD said:

CharlotteQ - I'm with you.  You need to face your demons to enable you to move on.  Don't worry about all that counselling nonsense as you just talk to someone that's asleep while the meter's running.  

 

Maybe you can hire a bodyguard with the saving so that your ex doesn't beat you again and get a sincere apology out of him this time.  Good luck.

Wow! You are seriously recommending that the OP goes up against a Thai with proven pull with the authorities taking hired muscle with her. You are entitled to your opinion that counselling (paid for or otherwise) is valueless. Alternative facts are fashionable right now. However, you really need to understand the facts of life in Thailand. Having someone abducted in the middle of the night and placed in a mental institution with no access to legal assistance is far from the worst connected Thai families can do to you. Trying to physically threaten such people is very likely to get you killed.

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ID: 72   Posted

3 hours ago, CharlotteQ said:

Sometimes just the simple truth would be satisfying enough :}

 

And thank you for warning me about the possibility of getting scammed. I truly appreciate it. So you think I should just go ahead and apply for a tourist visa and see what happens? TBH I'm feeling very fragile right now and am very afraid of more bad news.

Its a risk u have to take. Though i honestly think there should be no problems. I overstayed for a few years b4. I paid the fine, sign and acknowledge the warning paper. 

Came back,

No blacklist. I supposed yours is the same, sign some acknowledgement warning and thats all.

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ID: 73   Posted

1 hour ago, BritTim said:

I know in my heart that nothing I say can dissuade you, but I feel impelled to try.

 

You are obsessed by the idea that another fight with him will bring some kind of closure. It will not. All you are doing is postponing the healing process, if it is ever to take place. You ultimately need to push the thoughts of that phase of your life into the background, try to move on, and ultimately find a healthy replacement so that, over time, the past becomes less important. The absolute worst thing you can do is fan your resentment by deliberately making these events the focus of your life.

 

If you have not yet done so, find an experienced professional who, through counselling, can help you to come to terms with what happened and plan for the future. You have been through traumatic experiences, and most people find it difficult to put such things behind them,. Counselling to help you come to terms with reality can ease the process. Most people eventually have the resilience to, in time, recover if they can recognize that they cannot change what is past, and must concentrate on the future. If that is what your family is telling you, they are right, no matter how terrible the experiences you went through were.

Hi Tim, thank you for your concerns about me :}

 

A few things to add in order to help people understand my situation: My ex and his family may be crooks, but they aren't murderers. In fact they are cowards more than anything else. They are businessmen who are afraid of "losing face". They are also Buddhists who are afraid of bad karma to some extend. Plus I'm not going back there to pick a fight, just to work things out. Believe me or not, my ex was never allowed to talk to me since this happened. There was always a family member in between us doing the talking for him. He's a weak minded person who obeys his family unconditionally. If anything, I'd like to hear him admit to what he did. I think after spending four years together, it's not too much to ask.

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ID: 74   Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

You are the one who said that if you go back then at least you tried. My question to you was tried to do what?

 

If people make assumption about you it because you don't even answer a simple question. What do you hope to accomplish here by coming back here?

Tried to do something instead of nothing.

 

I'm trying not to turn this thread more dramatic than it already did. Do you always know the reasons you do everything? Perhaps I wish to accomplish nothing. When there's no other alternatives but one road to take, you take it and see where that leads me. Whatever happens I won't complain. Perhaps I feel that there's so much injustice in this world, and people just turn a blind eye on because they have been desensitized. I for one, want to fight for my rights.

14468183_1389566867725018_4608237579748332250_o.jpg

Edited by CharlotteQ
typo

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ID: 75   Posted

Ok charlotte, but please plan properly before you go and meet this ex.

 

Get a friend to go with you. Arrange to meet in a public place with many people around like starbucks or something so neither your ex nor you would be too fired up to do anything overboard.

 

Inform your family members or close friend your whereabouts and update like every hour.

 

If even after you come to Thailand and your ex still refuses to meet up with you, then please kindly let it go. Because it will kinda make you look bad if you try too hard to contact and meet him.

 

Thats all i can advise to you. Good luck!

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ID: 76   Posted

11 hours ago, impulse said:

To the OP, I'd suggest you get a visa, hop on a plane and see if anything stops you.  Unlike Europe or N. America, a R/T ticket to China is going to be cheap, the flight will be a few hours and I think they're still doing visas for free(?).  That's a couple of thousand RMB and a day of your time and you'll have a definitive answer when you either get stamped in, or turned around.

 

Anything else is either guessing, or it's going to cost you just about as much and then can you really trust the answer anyway?

 

BTW, if your tie to Thailand was an abusive husband, may I suggest anywhere else in SEA?   I hear the Philippines is nice...  Coming for the purpose of a confrontation is a monumentally bad idea.

This is the most sensible and pragmatic post of the thread, in my opinion. You would do well to heed it.

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ID: 77   Posted

15 hours ago, CaptHaddock said:

Do you have any evidence to believe that domestic violence affects only "a minority" of Thai families or is that just wishful thinking that makes you feel better.  The one Thai research paper that I have read on the subject estimated that 40% of Thai families experience domestic violence.  While that would be a "minority" it is nevertheless a huge number by the standards of Western countries, about 25% higher than in the US, for example.

 

The Thai estimate accords with my awareness of the problem among Thai families of whom I have some direct knowledge.

So where is this 'Thai Research Paper' then? Post a link to it, or I'm calling BS on your 40% abuse claim.

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ID: 78   Posted (edited)

17 hours ago, CharlotteQ said:

Thank you for the reassurance dbrenn.

Can't believe I endured 4 years of domestic abuse for the man I thought I loved. I abandoned everything just to be with him in Thailand.

 

An additional question if I may. It was never easy to obtain a long-term Thai visa. Every few months you could probably imagine is a struggle to renew. So last year he bought me an all-purpose visa from a Chinese traveling agency. However the visa issued before that, with which I entered Thailand was a tourist visa that specifically says I can't work in Thailand. I had some trouble with the officials when entering as I couldn't explain about the purpose of my stay in Thailand. Although finally they let me through after a long talk with my ex. So if I do get questioned again at the border about why I stayed for a year in Thailand last time, how should I explain to them? I suppose I shouldn't tell them the truth as it's too complicated to understand.

If you go back, just tell them the truth: that you were married and it didn't work out, and that you now wish to enter as a tourist and to visit friends. You'll need to satisfy the requirements for a tourist visa as described in other parts of this forum. Just because your marriage didn't work out doesn't mean that you are barred from visiting as a tourist.

 

Future stays after that will depend on satisfying them that you are a bona fide tourist, or getting a more substantive visa (e.g. for work or another marriage) just like anyone else.

Edited by dbrenn
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ID: 79   Posted

17 hours ago, CharlotteQ said:

I want to cry reading your comment.

 

The truth is, my ex and his family had been lying to me constantly during my four years of stay there. Being the logical person that I was, I often confronted my ex about his lies. And being in love with him, I often wished he could come up with a good reason for them. However, he's not a good liar. He could never come up with anything plausible, but even so still denied that he ever lied. It would eventually lead to his frustration and beating me to a pulp.

 

Even at the police station, he and his family constantly lied to me, my mom and the officials to manipulate the truth.

Right- making empty threats to have foreigners blacklisted is common. It happens all the time. A company I worked at disputed paying a bill to a vendor. Immediately they emailed us threatening to "report to immigration for cancel visa and deport from Thailand." We never did pay them - they had conned us - and no action was taken because all the foreigners who worked there are still in Thailand.

 

The cops have a routing of handling domestic disputes - make either party sign a letter promising to behave and take no further action. This case didn't go to court, there was no criminal conviction, and Charlotte has absolutely nothing to worry about. 

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ID: 80   Posted

12 hours ago, simon43 said:

 

 

 

IMHO, this is absolutely NOT a good thing to do.  It will only open old wounds.

 

You need to move on with your life, in another country, not Thailand.

I agree with that. No good will come of it. The ex-husband is a violent and vengeful man, and the OP could get herself seriously hurt or killed if she tries to take him on in his own country.

 

Charlotte should enjoy other parts of Thailand if she wishes, but stay away from this man.

 

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BANGKOK 25 May 2017 00:43
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